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It''s so sad isn''t it, how many people seem to be experiencing the same things. Sometimes, thinking about that can make you feel better, like you''re not alone, but it also makes you lose faith in humanity. Some, in fact most, of the things you have said here (a long time ago I notice!) really ring true for me and thank you for articulating them so well. In particular, the feeling that I can''t believe how my life has changed, and so quickly. Just over 3 months ago I thought I had the best relationship in the world. Even my stbx (does that mean ''soon to be ex''?) agreed that before he met his OW, that he was still deleriously happy with me after 19 years together, and it was a moment of weakness (or several) that he wishes he had been strong enough to conquer. But he says he can''t get over his feelings for this OW and so is throwing away ''the best thing that ever happened to him''. I''m beginning to suspect that he has said those things to me out of guilt and to soften the blow and I know that ''I can''t'' means ''I don''t want to''. It''s like when I found out about his affair and confronted him with it, he''d had his bag of sweets taken away and is now determined to go and enjoy them, whatever the cost.
I am trying to get on with my life but the more normal things I do,(like being at work), which sometimess make me momentarily forget my situation, the worse the crushing reality when you suddenly remember. I am so impatient to feel happiness again...I sometimes think I never will. It''s all so terrifying...