After only one week seperated having been married for 24 years my wife moved out saying she hasn''t loved me for 20 years. I won''t wash laundry in public but she had been spending weekends away with "friends" and I was daft enough to believe. Still with me is my 24 years old son, now after taking my last bit of self respect, what was left of my heart she wants me to sell the house I bought from my grandmother before we married. Feeling desperately lonely and raw I found this site, read your post and wiping away the tears wanted to thank you. Soon she''ll have taken everything I have/had and I know that this is probably gonna be one of my very lows. Thank you for taking the time to post your words I hope that I can get through this and I will come back here for other people''s experiences. I know I''m not the only one that this has ever happened to but that doesn''t ease the pain, your words made me cry more but your advice was priceless. I wish I just had someone to hug up to.
First of all... Hang in there! There are people here who feel your pain. It''s going to be a rough ride but there''s no way around it, you have to go through it. You''ll be in shock for a while and then you''ll feel like the rug has been pulled out from out of your feet. You won''t understand what''s happened, but there''s no point trying to understand. It all defies logic. It''s 2 1/2 years since my husband left me for someone he''d been seeing for less then a month. I thought I would go crazy from the grief. I had no idea that he was unhappy...he just replaced me without notice. I still miss having someone to hug, but things will become more bearable, I promise you. Just do what you have to do to get through and draw on every bit of support that you can. I was lucky enough to have friends who let me spend evenings just crying on their sofa. Be good to yourself and forgive yourself for every feeling you have. One of the worst things is the ambivalence, and the obsessive thinking, as your brain tries to make sense of the sudden, and devastating change. I know it''s an awful cliche, but time will heal. Just don''t expect it to happen any time soon. Remember though, you have done nothing wrong. Try and keep it that way and don''t do anything rash, that you may live to regret. Keeping your integrity is essential and will help you move on with dignity. The best piece of advice I had was ''hang in there; do nothing''. Give yourself time. When you''re feeling desperate just try and concentrate on getting though the next couple of hours, or even the next 10 minutes. Distraction of any kind is good - jigsaws, talking books, household or garden projects, shopping! This IS a bereavement, treat it as such and never feel guilty for doing things that take your mind off it. You do what you have to to get by. Online support groups and forums are brilliant and there are many books that can help too. Write down your thoughts - keep a diary and record small triumphs. I remember congratulating myself for enjoying a cup of coffee in the sunshine for 10 minutes without crying! When I read my diaries back now, I can see just how far I''ve come. I''m enjoying my single life now. It''s not what I would''ve chosen, but I''m determined to make the most of it. As the saying goes, if life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But only when you''re ready. In the meantime, sending a virtual hug.
Thank you saair, I did not realise, that there was a pattern to this, but what your husband did and said to you is the exact scenario, in my life, except I had been in hospital for ten month after a leg amputation went badly wrong,but he was also a serial cheat,the only difference was this woman was working in my guest house as a waitress, but ended up his mistress, my husband changed the locks on me and refused to let me back in so I was basically a bed blocker in hospital, i went from one hell straight into another after 39 years together this man was a monster, and like your husband he thought he was the cock of the north,I was mortified and wished I had died on the operating table,thought of just starving myself to death,or taking all the strong pain medication I was on and just drift away into oblivion, but my family and friends would not let it happen,and I finally found strength to fight back I went to theatre 12 times, and nearly died twice, so I thought if I can come through that I must still be here for a reason,I am now divorcing him and fighting forb every thing that I am owed from such a long marriage.
jaquiek - it sounds as though you have had a terrible time and have been treated appallingly. Good that you found this thread which really does say it as it is and provides some valuable information and reassurance to those who are just starting on this journey.
I am glad that you are finding your strength and I am sure that you will find help and support from this site, as I have.
Thank you,I have brilliant family and friends and they hav been there every step of the way,at first I was so stunned I didn''t tell any one, in fact I was ashamed and wondered if it was me,as that is what he was telling me,but in the end I divulged the news to my family,I urge anybody in this position to lean on family and friends, don''t let them salve their conscience by blaming you.all the best jaquiek.