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For the new ones: survival in the first few weeks

  • NellNoRegrets
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02 May 11 #266198 by NellNoRegrets
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You talk the talk but you've walked the walk too, and come such a long way.

It's a privilege to have met you.

Nellxx

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03 May 11 #266248 by Paul.
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Sair, what an impressive blog.
Well written, and clear.

When I first found wiki I felt just too raw to post for a month. I used to sit on here all weekend.
The void of divorce in front of me was just a black hole.
I would mine through all previous posts just to work out how I felt, and whart was happening.

The most amazing thing is how the same old same old stories come up again and again and again.
How your ex just goes cold, like a switch being turned off.
How they lie, and blame you.
How they demonise their partner.
The feelings off loss, guilt, denaila, and how they could do it to you.
The inability to accept there's someone else.
The lies, and non answering of questions.
The spite.

Tjhe answers to problems, to look after yourself and treat you as number one.
The healing. the acceptance, the new life.
You'll get lots of advice here on wikivorce, and I kept some advice as gospel.
The library and understanding the process of divorce is vital to shine a light into the void.
Previous threads in depression and stress also were good.
And of course the freedom to rant o here occasionally.

Wiki is here to support you, its vital, its like a secret friend you can open up to, someone who's there for you 24/7

I wouldn't have been able to even come this far without it.

  • Shoegirl
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13 May 11 #267759 by Shoegirl
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Lots of new ones in chat last night. i have dusted this off and put it to the top of the list for you all.

HUGS for those who have just been left as there seems to be a spate of new people here at the moment.

The original post is for you and I hope it helps x

  • josey123
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08 Jun 11 #272240 by josey123
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Hi there I have just read your story and yes everything you say is true and im trying to come to terms with my sad story which goes like this .... I met an Italian man in a pub in my home town by chance and we fell madly love I visited him in his country many times over the course of 4 months then i stayed for one whole month with my daughter for her to meet him.. It was amazing the life style the way he treated me and I loved every minute of it..

He then wanted me to live permantly with him in Italy so I gave up my home i was only renting so that wasn't to bad, i sold my furniture and car and left for my new life...as as I moved in to the new apartment with him it all went wrong, different cultures customs, etc...

My daughter come with me she is 16 and attended a Italian School and made lots of friends ... My ex was going through a separation which was quite stressful for him and I think this was a big part of our split because he said that it was all to soon that I went over to live with him and that he had made a big mistake ...WOW i was devastation and like you in shock that this man who begged me to give up my old life and live with him was having second thoughts.

While I was in ITlay I went for a drink with a friend that was a close friend to my ex and she told me that he had an affair whilst married to her friend for 2 years and promised her that he would leave his wife for her but he never did, so I knew he was desperatley unhappy with his wife and when he met me he finally left her..

He also told me that he was a one woman man and that he just wanted to be happy, but now im back in the UK and desperately unhappy he is seeing another girl which i think he was starting to see her towards the end of our relationship and was like you said probably why he decided not to try and work it out with me i tried so many times for him to change his mind seeing as how much we both gave up to be together and how much I thought we both loved each other regardless of the differences we both had ...

Im now 5 months into the breakup and still feeling like crap and waking early hours and he is constantly on my mind i miss my life with him and in Italy it hurts so much I just dont want to be here anymore ...

I left him a letter and text him but no reply he told me there was not another woman but I know there was I just want some answers but I know i will never get them or they would be all lies, I just dont know how someone can fall out of love with someone so quick It wasn't like I had an affair or anything we just had some issues to sort out which he told me that he would sit down and try to resolve but then one week later he changed his mind and told me that he didn't love me and that it was best for me to return to the UK ..

I so much want to contact him but whats the point he doesn't care about me so I have to try and deal with the pain like it is a death and like you all his family and friends have forgotten me ... I still have his friendship on face book and his family so i keep looking at the photos which I know I shouldn't but i cant help it i just cannot let go !!!

Any more advice would be appreciated only my friends and family have had enough of listening to me...

cheers josey

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08 Jun 11 #272247 by Louloucakes
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Thank you!!! I think i need to read your whole blog now. Im 7.5 weeks in. feels like an eternity already and having a really bad week of it this week . struggling with the contact cutting at the moment but im hoping that once all his stuffs out of the house this will cut nearly the last of the ties & i really need to then try and get the strength for the contact cut.... im really finding that bit hardest. its like my rational brain knows its the right thing and knows thats what i need & that he doesnt deserve a single word of contact but then the other part of my brain is hopeful and sentimental and doesnt really want to let go. :0( xxx

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09 Jun 11 #272250 by annushorribilis
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I'm sure that this will be very helpful to both 'newbies' and those further down the road. It's been ages since I posted but when my Mum died in the middle of my divorce proceedings and I was feeling guilty about having burdened her with my problems I was very grateful for the messages of comfort and support I received on Wiki.
Anyway for those that may remember me, I now have my Decree Nisi equivalent and have returned to the UK to start over. As I have lived abroad for 20 years I really am starting from scratch and found your info on getting out and starting a new social life particularly useful, so thanks! Maybe I'll pop into chat...

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09 Jun 11 #272251 by annushorribilis
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I'm sure that this will be very helpful to both 'newbies' and those further down the road. It's been ages since I posted but when my Mum died in the middle of my divorce proceedings and I was feeling guilty about having burdened her with my problems I was very grateful for the messages of comfort and support I received on Wiki.
Anyway for those that may remember me, I now have my decree Nisi equivalent and have returned to the UK to start over. As I have lived abroad for 20 years I really am starting from scratch and found your info on getting out and starting a new social life particularly useful, so thanks! Maybe I'll pop into chat...

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