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First Time Out And Your On Your Own

  • CrusaderGirl
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16 Jun 08 #26641 by CrusaderGirl
Topic started by CrusaderGirl
Hi All!

First time out as a singleton last week and it felt so strange.:ohmy:

Had my parents staying with me for the night, before taking them to the Airport. We went out for a nice meal, but whilst sitting in the restaurant, it felt very strange. This was the first time I had been out for ages and on my own with my parents. The last meal out with my parents was Christmas Eve last year and my stbx husband was there as the norm. I realised then how much at the moment I miss him.:(

This affected me last week, because after dropping off my parents at the airport, I drove home okay, but as soon as I got into bed realised I was on my own again and cried my eyes out. On and off all of last week I had some crying sessions where I just kept thinking of how it used to be.:(

I do ask myself will it get any better, but the way I feel at the moment I don't think it will.:unsure:

CrusaderGirl:(

  • dawn1
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17 Jun 08 #26818 by dawn1
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hi,
sorry to hear you had a bad reaction to going out without your x there, it does get so much better, really it does.
you lasted longer than most and waited til you got home, I know a lot didnt make it that far before breaking down, so you are stronger than you realise.
the way i coped with it, was to think of the positive side to that meal out, no more nastiness going on, worries if he'd turn up or if he didnt whether he was with other woman.
no pretending to parents, friends that everything is wonderful and in my case being able to order a meal with garlic in it, sounds silly doesnt it but i wasnt allowed any spicy food for 19 years.
the little things sometimes mean the most and can make you realise that you can cope without them, have the option to dress, eat, drink and do what you want, without having to compromise all the time.
you havent lost anything worth keeping, instead you have been given the freedom and options to live a much happier, loving, kinder life for yourself.
you dont get it all straight away, as with all the worth while things in life you have to wait for them, but it is worth it in the long run.
take care of yourself and try to think of positive things that you can now do.
it won't be long before you are amazed at yourself for crying over him in the first place.
dawn x

  • Sun 13
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17 Jun 08 #26832 by Sun 13
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Hi CrusaderGirl

I think it's only to be expected that things like this will upset you - crying and being down is all part of the process I suppose. But bear in mind that other unhappy times in your life didn't last and neither will this. You will be happy again and you're already on the road there now

I must admit tho I wasn't quite prepared for always being the gooseberry when I go out now, but it's just part of this time in my life and it will change when the time is right

  • phoenix1
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17 Jun 08 #26836 by phoenix1
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Dawn, can't believe your ex controlled what food you ate !! What a ****** !!

Anyway back to the main question. It's very tough when you first go out on your own, You feel as if everyone is looking at you and everyone knows what has happened. It's like walking around with an invisible sign around your neck which everyone can see except you !! You feel ashamed and embarrassed ( or I did anyway).

You have taken the first steps now, so well done. It will get better and in time that sign around your neck begins to fade and then you will go out on you own and even smile and have fun !!

We have all been where you are, thinking it can't get any better, but it does, it really really does. I have gone from despair to joy within the last 7-8 months and couldn't be happier now and in time I hope you begin to feel the same.

Keep your chin up girl, your a crusader after all

Broken1

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17 Jun 08 #26846 by rubytuesday
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HI CG

I remember the first time I went out after he left, it was to a local quiz with my kids, and I too felt everyone was staring at me! But, everyone was so lovely and offered practical support, and shoulders to cry on.
The first time I went out on a "girls night out" was soooo scary! it was my first night out since getting married (wasnt allowed nights out, in fact, wasnt really allowed friends!), I felt like a fish out of water at first, and couldnt look anyone in the eye, but after a while I acutally began to enjoy myself - it was a reminder that I wasnt a fat, boring, frumpy housewife, like I was lead to believe I was!
Even going out of the house to the shop was hard, but in time, I found it easier. I live in a small village, and everyone knows my situation, people have been kind and supportive, but in a background sense.

Dawn, I understand about the controlled life, and isnt it liberating to finally realise we can make our own choices? I remember sitting crying cosit was so cold in the house and it wasnt time to light the fire (x2b had times for everything!), eventually after about 3 days, i realised I didnt have to ask him anymore to do things!

Broken is right - it does get better! It really does, 6 months agoI would never have believed that I would be happy again, but I am, and far happier than I have ever been.

baby steps, CG, baby steps,

take care

Ruby xxx

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17 Jun 08 #26850 by Sun 13
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broken1 wrote:

You feel as if everyone is looking at you and everyone knows what has happened. It's like walking around with an invisible sign around your neck which everyone can see except you !! You feel ashamed and embarrassed


Well put, that certainly strikes a chord with me. I got over it now, and if people do know what's gone on, I'm not the lying cheat who's been comitting adultery!

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