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Is it me?

  • Shoegirl
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05 Sep 11 #286437 by Shoegirl
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I think she is wanting you to react mate. Everything she is doing seems to be pushing you to reacting to her boyfriend.

Odd behaviour really for someone who claims to have moved on. Goes without saying but ignore it all. She is trying to wind you up. Try not to torture yourself with thoughts of them together, after all her behaviour suggests that she is highly motivated by getting a reaction from you, so it cant all be great can it?

You will need to ensure tight boundaries when you live so close. She has no reason to come in your house, you only need to communicate about the kids. I would ignore the email, that is one big loaded message.

  • pixy
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05 Sep 11 #286440 by pixy
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Screams insecurity doesn't it? Here I am being glamorous and going out with my new man and you haven't got a gorgeous new girl friend and are missing me so much that you are bound to take your jealousy out on the children.

Script it the right way and it could be something out of an old comedy, maybe a carry on film. I do so hope that she had a moth eaten fur stole, a tight shiny silver dress and peroxide hair.

  • startagain
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05 Sep 11 #286445 by startagain
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sillywoman - I guess they are pretty negative signals to send out

Yes this did/does effect the kids as his kids stay there too and she takes in student lodgers, the house is crowded and they feel some what unsettled " As my daughter said of her mother's house "There are aways strangers coming and going" and sadly they openly refer to my ex (their mother) as a liar and that she has more time for her BF kids. Not good.

I stayed for 5 surreal nightmare months sleeping on the lounge floor while ex continued her new relationship (still lying that nothing was going on) with her lover with the pregnant partner who by then had been dumped too.

The joker in their pack in a Non Molestation Order and several coppers will be carry that said man and his bin bags out the door.

I was not good to wait for her to pull a stunt like that. And got out or I would of surely gone mad.

Disgusting behaviour or not, the system supports and rewards it and people in my neighbourhood did not bat an eye lid it's me they give the cold shoulder to

Sorry off topic

Yes she is trying hard for a reaction and email is very similar to what my ex would write, it seem threatening too

  • hawaythelads
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06 Sep 11 #286458 by hawaythelads
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In response to her email.
I would reply that as I am not allowed to talk to the kids about your current newest squeeze and will respect her demands.Don't bring him round my house when the kids are with me interrupting our time together as I will not know how to not talk about a bloke who's just been shoved straight under the kids noses.All in the best interests of the kids of course.
All the best

  • justgoaway
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06 Sep 11 #286460 by justgoaway
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I dont know why they do it. I had it really bad.
I was left for OW after ex had affair with her.
She would sit in the car on the drive when he came to collect the kids smirking.
He didnt give me any financial support for me and the kids and I got a text off him a few weeks after he left saying him and other woman were on holiday in Egypt and that reception wasnt good on the beach but hoped the kids were ok (why couldnt he have just texted "hope kids are ok?" why he had to put the holiday in is beyond me..I had no money for food, never mind a holiday!
2 months after he left he text me to say she was pregnant and how thrilled they both were. There was no need to tell me that.
I then used to get emails which would ask about the kids and then tell me they were going for a scan!!??
I then was told how amazing the scans were and that they were having a boy etc.
Then an email outlining her labour and how brave she was (like me I guess giving birth to our 2 but I suppose he'd forgotten about that).
Then I got a list of contact dates...dates I'd already had and was puzzled about why he'd sent it twice but on closer inspection found that he'd listed every weekend from sending the email (approx June) to beginning of September...and at the end of August, next to a date was "XXX (ow) and me are getting married on this date (didnt co-incide with the pre arranged contact and our kids were not invited so why did he need to tell me?) and on a date 2 weeks later he'd put "XXX (ow) and me return from honeymoon.
I never get an email from him that DOESNT mention her name.
For the life of me I dont know why they have to rub our noses in it.
He's not a part of my life (or the kids lives) anymore and so I dont tell him anything. I am currently 6 months pregnant and incredibly happy but I havent felt the need (and wont) to tell him ANYTHING about my life.
Keep your cool...big hugs coz I know how awful it is.
One day you WILL have a gf and your ex (like mine) will want to know about her...but, like me you can just say "none of your business I'm afraid!".

  • dongoyaro
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06 Sep 11 #286473 by dongoyaro
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Hi Popoliv,

My advice is that don't allow your ex behaviour to make you feel so bad, jealous or make you to behave irrationally. You don't need any blonde girlfriend for now and don't allow your ex to push you into what you have not planned for. I know it can be very painful. Anytime your ex mentioned her 'Mark' don't engage in any discussion because that is what your ex wants. She is a serial manipulator. Don't you worry, she will soon throw Mark out when she is finished with him. Don't ask your children about Mark when they visit you and whenever they tried to mention his name, use something exciting to divert their attention away from him. Don't give your ex any opportunity to discuss Mark with you. Copy and save all her emails about Mark or any of her 'boyfriends' in a folder in Microsoft Word for future reference and give it a title, then delete those emails from your email inbox so that you don't see them everytime.

Don't EVER allow this woman to drive you mad whatsoever the situation. She will soon get tired. She is an attention seeker. She is just trying to use her boyfriend to spite you, underneath that facade she is not happy.


  • Marshy_
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06 Sep 11 #286513 by Marshy_
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Hi again Ian. Thanks for coming back with an update on yr situation.

I understand and know that knawing feeling you get in yr guts when you realise that the ex is with someone new. It hurts fella.

The reason that it hurts so much is that you have not gained acceptance yet. Once you have accepted that its over, you wont feel that way about her and Marky poo.

She will just be the mother of yr kids. Thats all.

But look at things the other way round...

You may meet a divorcee and become a "Mark" one day. And what will you do if U meet someone whos ex has not gained acceptance? Do you say to yr new partner, "sorry I cant be with you becusee yr ex does not accept that your relationship is over"?

Right or wrong she is with someone new. And so what? This has to be yr view from now on. So what? She dont mean dick to you from now on. Just the mother of the kids. Thats it mate... C.

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