I'm not really sure what I'll achieve by posting this. I suppose I'm hoping that articulating the overwhelming sense of failure, worry and isolation will give me some clarity. Or maybe I'm hoping someone, unlikely though I know it is, will tell me exactly how to fix it all.
The isolation is the worst. I have no family in this country other than my daughter and my ex.
Some days I think I'm very capable of carrying on, being a good parent and not letting the divorce and its accompanying worries take over my thoughts, but lately I've found it difficult.
My ex has just moved back into town with his partner after living away for over a year, and I really don't want to think about them being two minutes away, bumping into them, if they will decide to snoop around the house, or, worse, remove things from it.
He's making no contribution to bringing up our daughter and now she's starting to voice her frustrations at her dad not being dependable.
The uncertainty of where and how we are going to live, how are lives are going to change is exhausting me. Sometimes I think about when I last felt happy, an almost irretrievable feeling now. Other times I feel more hopeful.
Luminous, I know how you feel - after feeling that i was just getting somewhere I have had a recent knockback too. It just leaves you focusing on the whole thing again- stealing your life and making you feel utterly miserable.
I am looking for answers but it is so hard when there aren't any. I keep thinking that it is so unfair, but then why would I expect life to be fair- its just arbitary, a bit like a tree and you wouldn't expect a tree to be fair, it is what it is.
The answers for me are; trying to focus on what I have- you have a beautiful daughter, you have that, you are lucky, you will have other things too- even the ability to smile- although I guess you don't feel like using it.
Try and accept that it is what it is- you can change you and no-one else.
I wish I could take my own advice and stop my stupid stbx from invading my head every second- but i will keep trying.
You're not alone, there are always fantastic people on wikivorce to chat to who know exactly how you are feeling. I am feeling more in control today, but I know another day will be worse and especially in the evening and at night when you are tired and it all seems too much, insurmountable even.
Take one day at a time, build new friends in the community by joining a free activity if money is tight (a book club or something you and your daughter can do together). I think even making the effort to put something that makes me feel nice on or just some makeup on and go out for a walk makes a huge difference.
I've been separated over 18 months, but am only just about ready to petition him - it's payday tomorrow! We were initially going to wait two years to divorce but now we can barely speak to one another.
It really is the unknown and feeling so out of control of everything. It's so unsettling.
Its not an easy task of life when your whole world fall apart, but you need to focus on yourself and your daughter your better than all this mess your x has been happy to administer. I am 2 years in the process but have no kids, thank god!!! But felt so alone for such a long time even though Ihad loads of friends to talk to. O ne day though while out shopping it hit me that I now had a brand new life to start. Its still not easy I am going through a court process I never wanted but my life is mine... It will get better you'll see.
Best wishes to both.
oh luminous you sound just like me.22 months into this mess ,one daughter.i recently had to go bankrupt cos ex2b left me with56k of debt,pays not a penny and now reposession is looming.where we will live frightens me so much.i do not want this for my precious gaughter,but what can i do.
the pain of losing my marriage and the sheer terror of losing our home is slowly killing me.BUT we need to do what others say or the plot will be lost.ie we must concentrate on the positives in all this mess.we are well a good friend was buried today she died from cancer she lost her struggle.We have the love and closeness of our daughters in a way that we would not have had if wewere not at this place,that bond is now like iron nothing can break it.today was a very bad day for me as was yesterday but i and you too must rise above this for the sake of our girls.
i went for an xray today on my dodgy hip.my daughter was so worried mummy what if you died ,you're not going to leave me were her pleas.When i feel really awful i hear those little words inside my head.No i am not going to bloody die i wil not let this destroy me emotionally or physically.keep strong keep fighting there is a life out there and it has to get better.