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birthday and mother day horror

  • jo40
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  • Senior Member
19 Mar 12 #318867 by jo40
Topic started by jo40
just had the worst weekend of my life! Stbx and I took our son away for his birthday, i made sure that everything was kept seperate but that it was to be all about son''s birthday! On the Thurday I had already had a rose and a card asking that this weekend we save our marriage, to which i said no! its over, Friday we left for Windsor on the understanding that it was only us together for our son, we had to share a room but separate beds, i insisted on paying my part of the bill etc, saturday we went to legoland, again in the same room but separate, this is where i had the onslaught, i had everything from tears,tantrums, begging, he has been stitched up by his solicitor, the mediator everything, i can''t believe how calm i was, i just kept saying about our sons birthday and that it was unfair to hijack that for his use! At no point did i ever say that i would go back to him, he is now stopping the divorce, not signing anything, etc, he kept wanting to hold my hand which i refused, on mothersday i then got a card from son, but was told i didn''t deserve the present, i am afraid to say i locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed, how could he take away a present that my son had made for me at school and tell me i didnt deserve it? i regained composure and carried on with the day, when we got home last night he thought i would be back in his bed as though nothing had happened, so when i said no nothing has changed he got mad and upset again. it has been an onslaught this weekend, luckily our son has had a good birthday which was important, at no point did i ever give him reason to think that we were back together, everything separate all the bills etc, yes we talked but i don''t think he listened, he even said that when we are divorced we can still live in the same house!!!!!

what do i do? do i suggest he gets help? what happenes if he does stop the divorce, do i then have to Petition, i was petitioning to start with until i got told by him and his solicitor that he was divorcing me! all the ub items he said he didn''t write but i pointed out he signed the documents! He says i am evicting him out of his house, my head is a mess and i don''t know what to do????

  • stukadivebomber
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19 Mar 12 #318869 by stukadivebomber
Reply from stukadivebomber

That sounds awful!
Sorry I can''t offer any useful suggestions:(
Sounds like you need some time apart, to regain your composure...
Well done for sticking to your ground.

''Normal'' people just don''t understand the stress involved, do they?

  • Nanny18
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19 Mar 12 #318903 by Nanny18
Reply from Nanny18
Hi Jo

It does sound like a nightmare of a weekend when all you wanted to do was give your son a birthday to remember.

Sorry i don''t know any of the legal side of things but i am sure someone will come along and advise you.


  • Marshy_
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19 Mar 12 #318999 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi Jo. Sounds like a right nightmare.

I can understand that you are trying to make him understand that its over and he wont accept it. Perhaps in the past you have had bust ups and he has won you round by this sort of behaviour. And for what ever reason, he thinks that he can do the same.

The problem with people that dont believe something is no matter what you say or do, it wont sink in. So...The best you can do is create some space. Act consistently around him. Not nasty. But not over friendly either. Let him come to terms with what is happening. And he will come round.

Bottom line with most people is once the feeling of rejection has sunk in, they come to terms with it. But dont give him false hopes. Once he is in a better place himself, perhaps you will be able to sit down with him and discuss the split like adults. And work a way out of this mess with the minimum fuss and of course cost.

Do you share a room with him at home? If yes, then perhaps its time that you got out of that room and moved in with yr son? Or perhaps a spare room.

I am sorry I dont know the rest of the story as to why and how you got where you are today with this. But some people find it hard to believe that the relationship is over. But in time, if you stick to yr guns, he will get the message.

As for the divorce, its madness to expect him to divorce you if deep down he dont want to. He will keep yo - yo ing back and forth and you wont get anywhere. What I suggest you do, if he withdraws his Petition is start yr own. You have no choice realy.

Sorry you had such a bad time. C.

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