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  • sun flower
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20 Mar 12 #319261 by sun flower
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I''m finding the whole assertive taking control thing very tricky indeed too.

I remember being told that divorce means a change of friends and I remember thinking surely not, my friends are vital to me.

But actually, I realise some of my friends were not the people I had thought, did not have the loyalties I thought, and sometimes, as in your own friend, seem to have their own agenda.

It is hard, but perhaps if she is not good for you, you have to back off. I think we have to learn to be our own best friends (easier said than done.)

Well done for recognizing the problem

Take care

  • Mitchum
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21 Mar 12 #319269 by Mitchum
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Sorry you''re feeling this way about this relationship in addition to the many insecurities of divorce.

I too ''escaped'' to friends when I couldn''t cope with being in our home with my ex and having a bolt hole saved my sanity on many occasions. I had bags packed and in the boot of the car and away in a few minutes when things became unbearable. My friends were amazing in their support.

However, if you have this feeling about this particular friend listen to your gut instinct. If she''s bringing you down, step away. Don''t give yourself added stress.

It may sound selfish but you have to take as much as help as you need and when you''ve outgrown that need pull back. I would say don''t slam the door on this friendship, you may find she''s being sincere after all. Leave the door open by explaining that you''re feeling much more in control now but you''ll always be grateful for her support when you needed it most.

On the other hand, remember we''re very vulnerable and our loss of trust may affect all our relationships. I remember doubting everyone at one stage, even my girl friends. She may be just the kind of friend it would be nice to meet occasionally to go for a walk or meet for coffee.

  • livinginhope
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21 Mar 12 #319293 by livinginhope
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I think part of the problem stems from the fact that she is practically bedridden.She can''t get out of the house unless someone takes her out in a car.It would make it a more balanced relationship if we could meet up for coffee etc away from her house.

I think she is hoping that me staying at weekends will become a regular event.I have made it clear that I definitely won''t be going there for the next couple of weekends.I now need to rid myself of the guilt feelings that has brought on!I am extremely grateful to her that I''ve been able to go there for respite from my situation but don''t want it to become something I feel I must do.

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