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to be a mum, dad, taxi, teacher, cleaner, bank....

  • Gloriasurvive
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21 Mar 12 #319393 by Gloriasurvive
Topic started by Gloriasurvive
Nearly 4 months since he walked out on us to live with his millionaire girlfriend and 8 year old kid (who dumped him but then took him back!)
I think we are coping really well at home BUT Although I Love my children fiercly, as we all love our children.. they are driving me potty with their constant bickering.
I get on well with both of them (11,15) but they have this unconditional hate for each other which ends in tears of frustration ( and that''s from me!).
I divide myself in two with all the usual parenting/best friend roles but they seem to see it that I prefer one to the other...
I find it hard to discipline them as I have always been the good cop...the dad was the bad cop! If I say something to one the other feels let down, I am a rubbish mediator!
My youngest finds it particularly hard as his sister can be quite scathing and spoiled towards him. In turn though he can be irritating to her.
The dad is completely off the scene so I cannot ask him for help. However he would be as useful as a chocolate teapot if he were here.
I am sure lots of you are in the same boat single parenting -
I think I am feeling more depressed and guilty that I am not coping as a parent than having found out that My X was a serial adulterer!
Sorry moan over.
(PS how do you get onto the new chat you have all disappeared to? I am missing you)

  • survive
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21 Mar 12 #319401 by survive
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((Gloria))) I am sending you big hugs as I am right there with you. As a mum of three, to survive the day and get to bedtime without one form of fight, argument,tears from the children is an achievement in itself. I think, from chatting to other parents that many experience this type of behaviour. What makes it so much more difficult is that we are having to face it alone. There is no support, no back up , no escapism. We have to be the good cop and bad cop (no disresepect to any police on here) all rolled into one.

It is draining and a thankless job for most of the time.

But keep going, get your support from us, try and find some you time at least one a week if you can to re-charge.

I''m sure that one day, your children will come through this and remember what a fantastic mum you have been and are.

Take Care

Survive
x

  • strongerthanithought
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21 Mar 12 #319406 by strongerthanithought
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I''ve just had the kind of day you''ve described. Come to think of it every day is like that for me at the moment, with at least one set of tears.

At my darkest though, and despite every bad thing that I feel towards my ex, I take comfort in the fact that it would be so much harder if he was still around. He was so bad at being a dad (and husband, and human being in general).

At least now the good times are all down to me, the sucesses are all mine, the school reports are due to my (albeit haphazard and last-minute) best efforts. It is only my mess I have to clear up, my ironing on the pile etc etc.

Keep your chin up! Your kids will work it out in the end and they won''t remember all the shouting and bad feeling they have towards each other. My brother and I used to fight like that but now we are very close.

(((((Hugs))))

  • Canuck425
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21 Mar 12 #319438 by Canuck425
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What you''re feeling is normal and it sounds like you need support. You cannot be a father to these children, it just isn''t possible. You''ll be a great mother, I have no doubt!

Consistency in discipline is so important. I like to be so predictable that the kids know exactly what I''ll say.

It sounds like you''re doing a great job and it''s normal to feel like you are. Hang in there and see if you can get support from those close to you. I wonder if you have any male friends or relatives that can take the kid under their wing for a bit?

  • fairylandtime
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22 Mar 12 #319448 by fairylandtime
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Huggs Gloria

You are right, your dammed whichever side of the argument you start on with kids, we can be sat in the room all fine & suddenly from nowhere there is a full scale fight going on either physical or (& sometimes worse) the verbal kind! - I can sit there & think ... What Did i miss?

& If you support one you are going against the other - it''s a no win situation.

As for chief cook, bottle washer, taxi, dad, friend, doctor, nurse need I go on the job list is endless. I know it is really hard but you are doing a great job, your kids love you, it is just we All take each other for granted, especially kids - cos your always there & in their eyes always will be.

Try to let it not get to you, I use to hate my sibling when I was younger, we at times couldn''t be in the same room as each other & how my mum coped I have no idea LOL but now we get on really well & help each other laughing about the arguments we had & ho trivial they were etc etc.


Just remember, look after yourself, stay strong & know that you are doing the very best that you can because you are.

JJx

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