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Talk me out of it ...

  • FizzyFish
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28 Mar 12 #320440 by FizzyFish
Topic started by FizzyFish
Do I tell my mother-in-law and brother-in-law what stbx has been up to with a married woman? MIL is telling friends and family we''ve split up without knowing any of the details. I found out about TOW last month, he moved out the night before my birthday. No card from BIL family and no contact from MILuntil I called her to say thanks for the (tiny) gift.

I''d really like them to see the thousands of text messages on stbx phone bills to TOW. And messages from TOW to me (when I confronted her) saying how she''s "crossed the line". What I''ve had to face, how he''s not a decent bloke but a shabby d*ck driven arrse. It achieves nothing but a personal sense of satisfaction for screwing him over. And the fact I''ve been told to "behave" or he won''t pay towards the mortgage/loans, because I know where the husband of TOW works, and I have his mobile number and their home number.

Jeez, I''ve become a bunny boiler, haven''t I? I think I''m looking at getting some control over a situation that''s shocked me and left me feeling desperately unhappy.

Talk me out of it, please.

  • julie321
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28 Mar 12 #320442 by julie321
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Fizzyfish they will find out soon enough. My stbx family promised to help and stand by me when they found out but one word form OW saying she didn''t want me anywhere near him and they dropped me like a hot potato.

Not seen them in two years and never want to again as I now see they can''t be trusted.

  • esox11
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28 Mar 12 #320444 by esox11
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Feel for you Fizzy...

Been in a similar boat myself... The BIL i dont really worry about... he was my best mate as kids... he is how i met my ex... now he earns far to much money and thinks he can buy everyone and everything. The MIL and FIL however are truely lovely people who i call mum and dad. They have been told lies about me having affairs etc... and obv they will stick by their little girl. Truth is there where no affairs... but a few foolish flirts by text and F''book got me shot down in flames. Daft in the extreme. never anything more than banter in my opinion but it broke her heart. :(

However for 15 months prior to this... I have thought she had someone else... multiple reasons but there was no concrete proof.

The lack of any proof did not stop her jumping to conclusions telling friends and family things that where not true about me... shagging away as she put it. I have however held my own council over her antics... so far. I feel my in laws woutd think worse of me for telling them than they would of her!

Messy business isnt it. Keep your powder dry for now.

  • Marshy_
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28 Mar 12 #320461 by Marshy_
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FF. What is it you want to achieve? If its closure or satisfaction then telling his family will not work. They will conclude that what he has said about you is true. He would not be bigging you up now would he?

There are lots of ways of getting closure and or revenge. None of them involve stooping so low that you have to title tattle to his family. Deep down they know what a dic* he is. You dont need to tell them. The best way of getting closure and some revenge is get on with your life without him and them. Do that and they will be amazed. Play silly games and you will just (as I said above) confirm what they are told about you.

Dont be bitter and twisted. Be happy and glad. Happy and glad that he is someone else''s problem that his _______ (insert reason here) you dont have to put up with that no more. C.

  • julie321
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28 Mar 12 #320465 by julie321
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Marshy is right. Don''t let them see anything is bothering you. I have always been one for ranting and raving when upset but to my surprise during the period since stbx left I have dealt with everything calmly and matter of factly and I can assure you him and his family have been surprised.

When he went he told me not to be ringing him all the time( must have thought I was going to), I have never contacted him once.

When OW said she no longer wanted me to have any contact with him, I told relatives I could not have contact because of her demands and left it at that.

I am proud of myself for the way I have behaved and it even caused my SIL to write to say how sorry she was for the way she had trested me and asked if I would see her again. I politely responded that they had hurt me too much by their actions and i could no longer be a part of their lives.

Hold your head high and don''t get involved in slanging matches as Marshy said it just gives him more ammunition to justify his actions.

  • fairylandtime
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28 Mar 12 #320511 by fairylandtime
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FF Marshy & Julie are right

There is no point in bothering, it could only rebound on you & they possibly won''t believe you anyway. People only believe what they want to believe & You don''t know what they are being told by the other party.

Have a rant in your diary, write a letter & then file or shred it, vent on here to wikis who know where you are coming from & can help. But don''t bother or lower yourself to his level.

You are better than that - be strong & rise above it. I do know what it is like, not going into detail but it''s unbelievable what some can get away with & what others will believe, even those you thought were close family & friends for 20+ years.


JJx

  • lozzsa21
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28 Mar 12 #320519 by lozzsa21
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I did it, I gave his mum the exact disgusting sentence I read that destroyed everything. Did it make me feel any better? No. It didn''t make them support me over him in any way shape of form, and just 7 months after I kicked him out he''s moving in with someone else, broadcasting it on facebook and his mum is commenting on it stating they''re ''so happy for him, xxxx is absolutely lovely - be happy'' basically like I never meant anything. Which to be honest I probably didn''t.

Don''t bother, they aren''t worth it xxxxx

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