" You should be moving on by now!, put the past behind you.." were the words of wisdom passed to me by my Mother-in-law at the weekend.
I am sorry, but excuse me if I am not a skipping bundle of spring joy!
It has been just 4 months since her son''s elicit affairs became exposed and he left us for a younger, richer ( although less pretty:laugh: ) model.
It has only been two weeks since we last had a rant at each other and he basically misconstrued the truth about a conversation leaving a trail of upsetting consequences.
Doesn''t everyone here on Wiki wish to be free of this emotional stranglehold?
Isn''t that the goal we are all aiming for, to move on and leave the negative past behind?
For me it is physically and emotionally impossible at this moment and time, I am still getting to grips with the massive upheaval and life change sprung on me three weeks before Christmas.
To communicate amicably with someone who has treated me and more worryingly the children with such contempt. To be opened armed to someone who has told so many lies and been so utterly selfish....mmmm OH sorry forgot there is the financial turmoil and the uncertain future ahead....the divorce battle yet to begin, will we have to sell the house? Will he get half my pension? Can I afford the car tax? I won''t bore you with the list, you already have it
Will my children have lasting emotional damage? Aaarrrgggggg.
And he sits in the manor, already been on holiday and off out dining most nights. Yes it is his choice, and I can''t and wouldn''t want to have him back, he will continue to lie and cheat to this woman. I don''t even think I wish him bad karma but i don''t ever want him in my life ever!
I am sure you all know how tiring and joyless this journey is....at this current stage!
Don''t get me wrong, one day I hope, I wish and I pray for peace in my ( and all your ) hearts.........but it will be when my body and mind says so...when I have had SUFFICIENT time to grieve and process and formulate what has happened.
Not because somebody with ABSOLUTLEY NO IDEA what we are all
going through says so!!!
Sorry - but until you walk in my shoes....
Thank you for reading and sorry for verbal overspill!
MIL is wrong!!!! You are still too deeply hurt and that comment is only making her feel better about what her son has inflicted on his family. I think MIL is feeling guilty and if you appear to be healed it will make her feel better.
But hugs help! Real and even virtual hugs help to restore wellbeing and calm. Don''t know how, but I know they do so I prescribe some for you to be taken as required throughout the day.
Little treats just for you help too.
Surround yourself with people who will help to make you feel positive about yourself. There can be no prescription for healing time, everyone recovers at their own rate but if you treat yourself as you would for shock or serious illness you will slowly recover. Recovery is not always an upward curve, it sometimes plateaus out and sometimes you slip back but very slowly, almost imperceptibly you will recover with help from caring family and friends and wiki of course.
There would be something missing in you if you were able to move on so quickly.You''ve had a massive shock,betrayal and upheaval in your life and that needs time to recover from.People who make comments like that haven''t got a clue what it''s like and probably don''t want to imagine it either.She probably doesn''t want to think of the damage her son has inflicted upon his wife and family.
Thank you my lovely Wiki friends, loving the hugs!
You are right, what kind of person would move on so quickly? Someone who was without feeling, compassion, empathy or integrity!
Yes, if I were all ok - isn''t life a bunch of roses, it would make her happy - mmmmm maybe she is being a little selfish.
Do you know what? - at the start of all this she made some other brash comment and my 11 year old said
" Don''t worry mum, nanny is just embarrassed at what dad has done..."
Should remember that..out the mouths of babes
Thank you again for just being there and walking this journey with me.
(((Hugs))). Moving on is very hard and the path forward is uncertain.
It''s been almost 3 years for me now and I still get days when I feel that I''ve been hit by a train!
My MIL is a gem and has stood by me- its my own Mum who keeps telling me that "there''s plenty more life to live yet!" She just doesn''t get it.
She tells me to keep all communication with ex, "business-like." A great idea but virtually impossible to achieve!
After receiving his latest, spiteful, email re seeing our daughter, I take a little comfort from the fact that after 54 years of bullying behaviour, he''s not going to change now!- but it hurts terribly that our relationship is reduced to this.
I''m still looking for the light at the end of the tunnel- but I guess it''s round the corner.
Still, like you, I have the pleasure of seeing my daughter every day and regular contact with my adult children. And he''s got..... very little, I suspect!
I agree with Mitchum, Gloria... your MIL is probably feeling more than a little uncomfortable that this is her son''s doing (and perhaps struggling with it herself?). She possibly figures that as soon as you are ''over it'' then she can put it into her own past too.
But this isn''t about her is it? It''s about you and the children. The lovely wikis are right - you take the time that you take. This is your journey and no one else''s, so walk at your own pace. Nobody has the right to judge us - no one. Not a single person who hasn''t experienced divorce has any depth of knowledge (let alone experience) what divorce entails. That''s what Wikivorce is for.
So spill over any time you like. You won''t get any ''get over it''s here