Is it my fault?

He walked away from this union called marriage when he cheated. Is it your fault? Heck no! Did he try to work on things? If he did he would still be married to you. There isn''t one perfect person on this planet.It does take two to make things work but ONLY INSIDE the marriage. He went OUTSIDE. He''s not losing any sleep over it. Why should you...

I think that the dumped person ends up doing the if only I''d been better tried harder they wouldn''t have left.
Total load of old bollox!!
The mistake you made was you married the bloke from the band.Blokes play the guitar to have sex.He''s still prioritising his dreams of being a rock god at nearly 50.When in reality he looks more like the oldest swinger in town doing your earholes in on a guitar turned up too loud for a back street boozer.
So he knows deep down what a failure he is,I mean the pxss poor amount of house equity proves that.So now frustrated failed Rock God is feeling old and a failure and then all of a sudden the female boss starts giving him the eye.Hello he thinks I feel a bit like Jon Bon Jovi here''s my meal ticket to finance the rest of my life,whilst I pursue my deluded dream of being rock god.
You''re getting divorced because you married a bloke that loves himself and it''s all about me me me with him.
All the best
Pete

Well Haway I didn''t marry the boy with the guitar !! I married the girl with the biggest ego in town.
The one who could achieve anything.
Yes but only if she used men.
Like others I went to the wall thinking it was all my fault. It took me over 2 years to realise that in fact she had achieved very little without firstly using her father and secondly using me. I was the stable one she needed to further her dreams and when she achieved her dreams I was obsolete.
I always remember her words when she left ''''I aint supporting a man''''. As if eveything we had achieved as a couple was her doing.
Nearly 5 years down the road it is obvious that the stolid one achieved all and the flighty one is destroying what she had.
Yesterday I paid the final amount off my mortgage. She however spent spent spent and oh dear the money doesn''t last forever.
and just as your example of the aging rock star she will end up as an aging failure and she now makes up stories which are totally untrue to justify he bad behaviour.
As I said earlier. Transferred the guilt onto me.

Hi Perin.

perin123 wrote:

So after nearly 2 years on this rollercoaster and I still ask the question.

Many continue to ask this question. Why? Beleive it or not. U have the answer. And its in front of you. What did he do? There is the answer. I know it sounds simplistic. But thats all you need.

Is it my fault? It is, otherwise he would not have had to look elsewhere. I know after 17 years things become routine and that routine sometimes gets you down, but I did try to do everything as best I could, but it wasn''t good enough?

I doubt its yr fault. But what would make it yr fault? Having a routine does not mean that you were bad or you did wrong. Things do get you down. Does that mean that its yr fault?

I usualy get a nice Skinny Latt''e on my way into work. If I drop it. Whos fault is it? I could blame the cup. I could blame the women that poured it cos it was too hot or that the cardboard whatsit didnt fit properly. But the truth is, I dropped it.

No one to blame but me.

So say life was borring at home? Whos fault is that? Who is to blame for it being boring? Does someone in yr family have the role, "Make life interesting?" I doubt it. Life can get boring. But there was 2 people in this boring situation. If he found it boring, then he could have done something positive about like, "lets all sing an Opera around the Piano tonight, BTW, I am bodacia". Or perhaps you could have a treasure hunt. Or whatever. No one can just up sticks and leave and then blame the OP cos it was boring. Thats like me blaming the person that made my drink and then I dropped it. Wont fly.

An action is something we do as individuals. Ok we are asked to perform an action sometimes. But usually, we do this thing and we decide to do it. Usually, we are not forced into doing it.

At the end of the day, I could sit here and answer a list of points you raise and say yes no. But that does not mean that what I say is true or false or wrong or right. It would be my view and or yr view.

The problem is that there are all kinds of people. No 2 are the same. No 2 think the same. No 2 have the same wants or needs or the same values. You have the mum that stays for the sake of the kids even though she is getting a kicking everynight. Then you have the person that just ups and leaves his family at the services. Never to be seen again.

What I can tell you is that some people that leave, do so becuase they are looking for something. Now that something is not anything that you can provide. Often they never find it. But thats the problem for them.

If only he had told me what was wrong, why didn''t he? Did he try but I wasn''t listening?

He may not have known what was wrong. Or he may have convinced himself that it wasnt right and he was gona look for it elsewhere.

This is a big crazy mixed up world. The people on it are crazy mixed up also. No one really does the right thing. We have a hunch and we go for it by and large. And if it goes wrong, we try something else. Not many people sit down and work out what they should do next. I didnt sit down and work out what I was gonna say. I bet you didnt either. I also bet that the last time you went shopping, that you came back with more than you went there for. And this is what we are like. We make (often) important decisions on a whim. And this is what he may have done.

Because of this my family has fallen apart and my son is in turmoil. It''s not supposed to be like this.

His family is still there. And they will stay there. They may be in turmoil and be in a state for a bit but they will recover and they will move on. Eventually. The only real change is that he is not part of the family anymore. That may well turn out for the best actually. You will have to wait and see. But things have a habit of resolving themselves.

But I bet you, my pound to yr penny that in a couple of years time, when you are with someone new and you have all this behind you, you wont care a flying fig for yr ex and why her left. Cos life will be good again and you wont stop smiling. C.

HiPerin

Earlier iin this thread Hawy posted on what you could say if this went back to court and I thought he was being his often contraversial self. I then realised (haven''t properly followed your drama) that what he was saying was pretty much exactly what had happened.

Sort of makes it funnier for me that he is an aged wantabe rock star. My husband always thought that he was to the manor born but had none of the intelligence, graciousness or business ability that would ever have made him like that.

My husband is more like polars wife by the sounds of it, he spends money like water and has the ability (or did) to get himself hooked up with people that believed in him and always did the providing and made the security - firstly his adopted family, then a very successful business man (who was grooming him to take over an oil business and was shocked when he just walked off without even handing in his notice - some people are very good at fooling others) then me and my family and now he is hooked up with a woman who is exactly like him - rides on the coattails of others and spends money like water.

My husband has an ego the size of a country but sadly none of the disipline or integrity to back it up.

Onwards and upwards Perin