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Trying to get back to myself

  • langley13
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10 Apr 12 #322869 by langley13
Topic started by langley13
I am divorced now although I am not claiming my Absolute until finances are sorted as per my Solicitor. I know that I did the right thing by leaving an unhappy marriage with 4 ungrateful step-children who after 10 years showed me no love respect or kindness even though I tried everything or at least I tried my best, I know that living in a house for 10 years taking care of everything and financially contributing £51,000 over 7 years although I only worked part-time but he would never put my name on the mortgage or utility bills, never made me feel equal but I cooked cleaned did the laundry and was a good faithful wife and I know that filing for divorce was the right thing to do although he wanted me to wait a 2 year period (for a financial standpoint) I think. It hurts that when I first left but then tried to go back that I discovered his untruths about finances which was not the straw that broke this camels back it was his arrogance to think that it was not any of my business although he seemed to think that he had the right to know everything about me, it also hurts that he took me to court to get maintanence from me for his youngest son who has his mum and dad, it hurts that he lied in court and if it had not been for me contacting the school I would not have found out that his son had left school and in fact was looking for a job but my ex just wanted me to pay pay pay, he lost anyway as the court awarded nothing. I remind myself by looking at my divorce petition as to how I felt last year and I have come a long way but lately I cannot stop thinking about him missing him, I don''t know where these feelings have suddenly come from and if I had the opportunity to see him I wouldn''t want too . He has never ever tried to contact me and maybe I am dealing with the fact that he has recovered from this divorce so quickly but why have I started to have these feelings now???

  • leftwondering
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10 Apr 12 #322895 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering
Hi langley,

I cannot stop thinking about him missing him

Even though he and his kids treated you like shit?

I''m beginning to think (at 9 months seperated) we have these feelings (I have too) because the emotional security blanket has been suddenly whipped away from us when we least expected cos we were too bloody busy working and trying to look after the family to have time to go looking for bits of stuff on the side and spend all day texting and flirting and we fear the future and feel safe with the past and the things we knew.
Or THOUGHT we knew!

I''ve had a bummer of a day today...feeling fairly positive over the weekend....then wham!

Woke up this morning. Reality came back.... Cup of tea and ciggie... thought WTF???....How the f**k did I ever end up here???
WTF did I do wrong???

How come I have to suffer yet all my thoughts and actions were always directed towards the benefit of my wife and kid.

Never cheated, didn''t go up the boozer every night. Or the football?

Then after 30 years together your partner turns round and says "Never really loved you anyway".


Took you a marriage and 30 years to work that out???

Eh? 30 fu*king years and kids and good times and holidays together and secretly you hated it, but never showed it and you decide to tell me now??? WTF?


Folk like that should have been diagnosed and sectioned before being allowed loose in the community.


  • mez
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10 Apr 12 #322917 by mez
Reply from mez
((langley)) Sometimes it hits you out of the blue just as you feel you are getting there, wherever ''there'' may be.
We will never get back to how we were, and that is a good thing.
We become stronger and more self-reliant.
You are about to step on the next rung of the divorce journey.
Practically you know you can''t go back, but emotionally you are facing fear of the unknown. You will get through it. Baby steps.

  • langley13
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11 Apr 12 #323013 by langley13
Reply from langley13
Dear Platinum I was very sad to read your reply to me and feel for you that you have this much anger and I just wanted to say that I wish you health wealth love and happiness for the future. I hope as I will that you will find someone that will appreciate all that you are.

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