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I''m getting really fed up with this...

  • Dazed
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11 Apr 12 #322994 by Dazed
Topic started by Dazed
Hi all,

I''m tired of thinking about my ex. I''m tired of feeling sad and flat most of the time. I''m tired of feeling I could cry at any time over the least little thing. I watched a film over Easter - not a particularly sad one but something made me cry & I just couldn''t stop.

I''ll be fine for a while - everything will be manageable & then something happens which may not even stir a memory & that''s it, I''m off into a depressive spiral I have to drag myself out of.

I know I don''t want him back so why then do I still feel this way? I''ve realised I think of him almost every day & not generally in a fluffy reminiscent way, he just pops into my head.

I''m having counselling at the moment which is a good thing, but maybe this has all come to the surface again because the end is near. By this I mean he may or may not be moving to another country with the OW, he doesn''t contact me as much as he used to (good I know but in a twisted way, I quite liked that he still thought of me) & I know we''re going to get divorced.

I just want to feel happy again & am beginning to wonder if I will ever really get over this. I hear people talking of a better life around the corner, but where is it? Just feel a sad, flat 45 year old who doesn''t know what to do with herself half of the time.

I feel lonely somertimes too & I like my own company. It''s just coming home from work to an empty house, wanting to share something & realising I can''t.

Sorry for the miserable early morning post - it''s a beautiful day here & I can''t lift the fog today.

Dazed. :-(

  • teecher
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11 Apr 12 #323020 by teecher
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((Hugs)). Don''t feel bad about feeling down, it''s natural when you have been through a trauma.
I suspect that a tiny part of you was hoping that perhaps he would change his mind and return and the fact that he is going abroad with OW is a huge , red flag that you can no longer ignore.:(
Have you had a chat with your doctor about how you feel?
You may be 45 but your life is far from over!
I am nearly 9 years older than you and I''m not ready for the granny way of life yet!
It is hard but when you feel a little better, try and make some new contacts (both sexes) so you can go out for a coffee etc.
There are loads of us (sadly) in a similar situation.
There are also some good websites for friendship- which helps as you can get to meet people locally.:)
Also accept that he is always going to be in your thoughts but that doesn''t mean that you have to put your life on hold.
"All things pass."

  • Dazed
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11 Apr 12 #323021 by Dazed
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Hi Teecher & thanks for your reply.

The thing is, he did tiptoe around the fact that he wanted to try again - for a long time, then finally I said no at the end of last year. We never actually tried again & it had gone way too far for that anyway.

He was with the OW all that time & moved her into what was our home only a couple of weeks after I moved out. Still, he sent me cards & CD''s but still, there was always the OW. He said he needed more time & I ran out of hope & trust.

I know I deserve better & I can''t blame him for giving up because he wasn''t getting anything positive from me in terms of reconciliation. I just thought he would never give up.... but there you are.

I know it will pass... probably didn''t help that I had lunch with his mum & dad over the weekend. We don''t ever talk about him but I spent a lot of time in their house when I was with ex.

Thanks anyway - tomorrow is another day.

Dazed. x

  • Marshy_
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11 Apr 12 #323035 by Marshy_
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Hi Dazed. I suspect that yr still tied to him. And I think what is holding you back, without realising it is that yr still married to him. Right now, you may think that this dont count for much. But it does. And only when you have that Absolute, will you finally realise that you are free of him.

Perhaps you feel a little bit guilty that you didnt reconcile with him. That may also be playing on yr mind. But if you had got back with him, you would have realised that you didnt trust him. And all you would be doing would be delaying things. So you made the right choice. Perhaps without realising it.

Separation and divorce is hard. Perhaps the hardest thing you have ever faced or will ever face. But there is a beginning and an end. And the end will come. Then there will be a new beginning and you can finally start to put this behind you. Try and be positive. You can have a new start and do things in a new way. Perhaps in time you will meet someone new and you can put into practice all that you have learned. C.

  • donkler
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11 Apr 12 #323055 by donkler
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When my wife did one, I went pretty much striaght to the solicitor to start divorce processdings.

I got advise on the proceedure and protocol and knew that if we did try to reconcile (we did) I was safe in the knowledge I could halt proceddings.

Now reconciliation is a different matter, mine seems to be a one way thing, all me!

I could not trust her as far as I could spit her. She had nights away from home and I couldnt rest, I couldnt be at peace with myself, my mind playing things over and over.

Two weeks ago I put a halt to it all and now Im pretty much at ease I would say 90% at peace if you can put a figure on it, and that 90% does go up and down still.

Now knowing I have called off this so called reconciliation, I can sign my Absolute straight away, and be rid - by the end of April I will be a single man again, but most of all - I will have peace of mind, something nobody can mess with.

In some ways reconciliation was harder than than dealing with the affair itself, hardest thing I will try especially being a one way thing. If the attempt was mutual im sure our differernces could have been resolved, but would have been a hard slog.

I think you need to try and let go, and try to free yourself

Good luck friend xx

  • Dazed
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11 Apr 12 #323071 by Dazed
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Thanks all for your wisdom & support & it does make sense.

I am still married to him, even though we''ve been seperated for over 3 years. I am ready to divorce , but it doesn''t help that he doesn''t seem to be in any rush to formalise things. Typical of him - always about what he wants. :angry:

Anyway, I know it will happen & I think once I get the Absolute, I will be able to let go, finally.

I am up & down like a jack in the box at the moment & it''s bloo*y draining.

I am doing well with no contact though - even though it is hard.

Dazed. x

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