A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info

Do you need help going to court over a Financial Settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support for people who are going to court over a fair financial settlement, for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Feel like i cant cope

  • Bluebird88
  • Bluebird88's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
11 Apr 12 #323143 by Bluebird88
Topic started by Bluebird88
Long term partner of 15 years left me a month ago for OW.

I am not currently working have very few friends and family...i feel totally isolated and alone....

Ex is contacting me and being absolutely awful really horrible and i dont think i can cope with it anymore....i feel suicidal at the moment :(

  • fairylandtime
  • fairylandtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
11 Apr 12 #323146 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
((((hugs bluebird)))) & sorry you find yourself here but you are in the right place for advice & support.

I know that when my x left at first he kept contacting me & this did not help at all. Can you field off his calls, ask him for some space, he is the one that has left & if it is for another he may have been planning this for some time so has adjusted to the move whereas it is all new to you.

I found I had alienated myself over the years from friends & aside from family (who got sick of me going on - or so I thought) so I know it''s hard. Try to get yourself out, had but sometimes just a walk can help i use to force myself out even though I couldn''t afford anything whilst out but it still helped. Talking / or typing on here helps also.

Look after yourself it does get better over time (honest) stay strong JJx

  • Bluebird88
  • Bluebird88's Avatar Posted by
  • Junior Member
  • Junior Member
More
11 Apr 12 #323149 by Bluebird88
Reply from Bluebird88
Thank you!

God i really hope so i really don''t know how much more of this i an take....i have so many things to try and sort out and i cant think straight.....

  • fairylandtime
  • fairylandtime's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
11 Apr 12 #323151 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Take one step at a time, it is a roller coaster & I would be ok one minute & in tears the next.

I went into overdrive, lost loads of weight & coped by never stopping to think - however, it is now 2 years down the line & nearly (I hope) over but it still hits me & am finding I can no longer keep up the pace I once managed.

It is early days for you yet & you need to just think of you, don''t answer your x if he calls - some sware by a 60 day no contact rule for your x, I couldn''t due to children but even now I try to leave it overnight before answering txts & try not to contact x at all (not good for the kids but the only way we can seem to handle it), not my choice but I have learnt that I cannot "fix" everything & that really helped me.

Have a word with your GP & ask for counselling or contact relate they really helped me.

JJx

  • Canuck425
  • Canuck425's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
12 Apr 12 #323157 by Canuck425
Reply from Canuck425
Hi,

Sorry to hear you''re having such a hard time. So many people on this board have come through this and have really good advice

In the early days you really just want to survive. Eat, sleep, drink lots of water and take care of yourself. Do some really small things just for you. I just had a massive bubble bath because I love them. The kind where the bubble almost hit the ceiling. That was my gift to me today.

I think it is so important to get quality support from real live people. I learned early on that it was so worth it to put myself out there. People really stepped up and I have a lot more friends than I knew. Pretty cool! I am now really good and being specific about asking for support. I can tell people what I need from them and if it is important or not to me.

Get a therapist, you''re going to need it. I started therapy as soon as this all started. I am now on again and off again with it. It has been useful but, honestly, building friendships has been more important.

I came from a very low place. I thought I had no friends and my wife abandoned me when I got cancer. The fall was AWFUL. It gets better and you can do this. Get support. People care!

  • Gloriasurvive
  • Gloriasurvive's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Apr 12 #323437 by Gloriasurvive
Reply from Gloriasurvive
Bluebird big hugs to you. It is scary and daunting and I imagine you feel overwhelmed and lost.
As already said don''t think initially long-term. You are in shock and totally disorientated. Take time to absorb what is going on...you are priority so as others have said take care of you first!

You say you have few friends and family - are any near you?

Do you have children?

I think you may be surprised at the warmth people who hardly know you can show.

Are you living in a rural place or town? If town you can join help groups and the support is fantastic. Try Women''s Aid for advice whether in town or country.
But keep posting on here and perhaps keep a journal to help channel emotions. I went to counselling - I am five months down the line now, it helped with that initial rawness. Not everyone''s cup of tea, but a suggestion.
I still can''t think long- term but having wiki-support has been a life-safer.
Take care
GS

  • Crumpled
  • Crumpled's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
13 Apr 12 #323443 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi Bluebird I am so sorry you find yourself here.
I have been where you are and if you are like i was probably in a complete state of shock and distress at the moment.I can totally empathise with you.
I didnt want to take them but my GP prescribed anti depressants and urgent counselling.All I can say is the anti ds helped me over the worst bit (i have since come off them) and the Counselling has proved to be a life saver so please get a counsellor ( but make sure they are a good one)
Please come on here and vent and rant at all of us you will not be short of friends who will support you through this.
I know it will be hollow words to you at the moment but over the next few weeks months it will get easier.
I will be thinking about you big hugs to you

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11