I am nearly a year into this after the person I trusted most in the world walked out on me to live with his other woman. I feel like I''m falling apart. I can''t cope. I have no past. I can''t eat. I;m not even sure if I want to live. I''m only here because of my children. I couldn''t leave them like he has, but it''s so hard. He says in time I will realise this is all my fault. I only ever loved him. I don''t think he ever loved me. Antidepressants and counselling aren''t giving me the release I need. I am so desperately sad and alone and grieving. I just want it to stop. My friends think I''m doing fine - I''m not. I just want it to stop.
All that you say sounds so familiar, it was 11 months for me on Monday. I don''t know if you remember but you replied to my first ever post here, it had all just happened for you too. Your post really helped.
All I want to say is this, you are coping, you are still carrying on, even if the only reason you have to carry on at the moment is because you feel you ought to for your children and even if you feel you are just existing and not living you are doing it and that is a fantastic achivement given the length of our marriages, the complete shock we both experienced. I bet your children are dead proud of you right now for how you are doing.
I also know that the depth to which we can still feel so desparate this long after seems shocking and apaulling, I know sometimes, still seemingly far too often, it all seems too accute and overwhelming. I though have to take heart from the stories here on this forum, take heart that you/we can get through it. We can''t be so different from the others here can we?
I think that we get quite practiced at putting on a front but some days I think we just have to let the emotion out, if not we will burst, if we don''t then I don''t think we can heal either.
Accept today as one of those really bad days, as one of those days when the emotion needs to flow. Tomorrow is a new day and just maybe there will be some better moments. Hang on to those, they will only increase.
You are reaching out as you are a born survivor, you may not see things clearly yet, but 1 year is still very, very early days so please do not be too hard on yourself. You are entitled to feel down, but please you have to realise that you have still so much life ahead of you yet. I suggest if you are feeling really blue, then please reach out to the Samaritans, sometimes just talking with people that really understand your grief and pain, will make all the difference to how you are feeling.
It is such a life changing event, separation and divorce that there are no miracle cures, if there were I am sure some wise old Wiki would have bottled it up and be selling it in the bucket load. There is no way around this pain, you have to live it and endure it until it eventually starts to subside, little by little and it will with time, of this I can assure you but even for some of us farther down the road, we have our traumatic days when we feel that it is all too much to bear, but when you look at your children and the unconditional love that they will provide you, you will find a strength you did not know you had.
I remember in the early days when I spoke with my GP, she refused me AD''s because she told me I had to get through this and she knew that AD''s were not the right path for me. (Although they may be right for others). Speak to your GP and see if there are different kinds that may be better for you. Go and speak to a good counsellor who is not judge and jury, but is there to listen and help you make sense of it all.
You have to have to eat! Soup, yoghurt, fruit or vegetable smoothies, anything that is easy to digest.
Sometimes we spend so long looking at the door that has closed upon us that we can not see the new one that is opening ahead of us. You may find it useful to use self-help books which will help you identify where things may have gone wrong and take those lessons learned into the future with you.
Yellowrose you will get through this, I too thought in the early days that my world had ended, I am not saying it is easy to try to re-build, but you have to, you have children, friends and family who need you, just as much as you need them.
Yes I do remember you. I am so glad to hear from you and I know that everything you say is right. I hate to think that so many of us are having to go through this and it does help to know that everyone out there is so supportive. I tell myself in time things will be O.K, but as you and so many others are so acutely aware the journey is really painful.
Just like everyone else on here you are so good. I would never wish the pain I feel on anyone but knowing that you and so many like you have been there and survived keeps me and I''m sure all the others like me on here going. It gives us hope. I tell myself I will be better off in the end and one day I hope that will happen. I know I can''t hurry it and I guess that is what makes it harder to bear.
Thankyou so much
Love and hugs
YR you are doing really well. You''ve got through the past eleven months and look how far you have come! Seeing the posts on here from people like you really help people like me......I''m only 3 weeks into this mess and think if I hadn''t have had all these wiki words of encouragement I don''t know where I would be.
You had a bad day, thats all. You are entitled to it. Look after yourself, tomorrow will be a better day and is one step closer to your brighter, happier future.
I feel your pain so much Yellow Rose and remember thinking oh god I''ve cried for a year now.
3 years seems to be a magic number quoted at me - 3 years to feel anywhere near normal. If I am honest - almost 2 years in - yesterday I would have said I was getting the hang of it - today I am not (Double loss - my daughter gone to live with them and doesn;t contact me)
Just huge hugs Yellow Rose - you are not mad or bad that you don''t feel better you have been wounded and it takes time.