Came home tonight (empty house), made my evening meal and lay back as I was feeling tired.
Something on the TV triggered a memory of me and her over three decades ago.
Just a silly thing when we had a laugh redecorating our old flat when we were young.
I still cannot believe she''s not here.
She never ever gave me a reason why she wanted to look elsewhere, hasn''t asked for a divorce or anything and hasn''t seen or spoken to me in months.
Now living with OM.
As well as the heartache and missing her, it''s also been a good punch in the guts for the old self-worth.
How can she forget so easily after all that time together?
I don''t think I can ever forget her.
I looked at my first post here in November and though I''m generally functioning better, my emotional state is still pretty much the same if I''m being honest.
I would love to write a post about how everything is great and I''m glad to be shot of her and am moving on etc...
But I''m not.
I just look around this room where she should be and ask myself...what happened?
It''s like I''ve been transported to another dimension. I just can''t believe it.
I have no great words, having read your post I feel like I could have written it.
But I wonder if you do yourself an injustice.
What you have been through affects every fibre of your being, shatters everything you thought and believed in, it’s going to take time, a lot of time.
It is no mean feat to get to a point where you are functioning most of the time. As for the emotional side, of course the slightest thing can still make you crumble, I know it can me, but if you think about it I bet you find that you recover from the wreckage of that latest outburst just a little quicker, manage to pick yourself up and carry on even if it is only to do something mindlessly like the laundry.
So I think you’ll find you are making progress, it may not feel like it right now but I bet you are.
Allow yourself to grieve as you are tonight but please believe you can and will get through this and one day will feel happy again.
Your avatar is something many of us here do and that is ....leftwondering!
I feel your pain in your posts and please do not think that you are alone in how you feel, there are hundreds of us here on Wiki that are totally destroyed by the devastation of adultery, separation and ultimately divorce. Please, please do not be too hard on yourself.
We functioned so much better being the half of A.N Other that when that privilege that so many of us took for granted was withdrawn before we knew what had hit us, we were at ground zero looking around at the devastation that has been caused not only to ourselves, but to the bigger picture that once was!
The memories and the times we once held so dear are a constant reminder that we, as in you and I and so many others, did not wish to be in this spot. But, as they say, we can not force someone to stay out of pity or the fact that they do not want to be with us full stop. The cold hard truth...as it may be.
I just think, leftwondering, that when they finally realise, and I do think that they all have a moment of realisation, a single moment of truth, when the penny drops...that the grass they thought they could have, the grass that was deep and lush and green, was really that muddy pit of ''s7it'' that they deserve....