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Hit a Dip

  • Bluebird88
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28 Apr 12 #326958 by Bluebird88
Topic started by Bluebird88
It will eight weeks on monday since ex of 15 yrs left for OW, no warning just told me and left.

At the start i was doing ok, but over the last few weeks i seem to have gone into a slump.

Went to my GP and was given some AD''s which i started yesterday, i really didnt want to take them, but i feel i need something to pull me through this really bleak time.

I''m currently in a bad place emotionally, i have few family (who i am not close to)and only one good friend who i can talk to, i am currently not working (although i am looking) and therefore feeling incredibly isolated and alone.

Can someone please tell me that this will get better?

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28 Apr 12 #326960 by Bluebird88
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I live in the south east, are any meetups coming up in my area, i could do with chatting to people who have been through similar problems....i just need a friend to chat to :(

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28 Apr 12 #326962 by sun flower
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Bluebird - I am not in the South East I am afraid so can''t help with the meets - but they are a good idea - it is lovely to meet people who ''get it''

In the meantime, I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. Many of us have had suicidal thoughts....you are not alone - call samaritans if you need to - but don''t - don''t do anything. See it as a phase you have to survive as part of the healing process (and I know, you have probably never felt pain like it).

I used to listen to the ''wild the ride horse'' meditation on www.helpguide.org. or any other meditation disc - Paul McKenna? It''s not as wacky as it sounds ...and it gets you through another ten mins.

There were days when I had a clock drawn on the inside of my arm where others could not see it - to remind myself I just had to cope with life ten mins at a time.

Hang on in there - it will get better, but there are stormy seas to be negotiated first....it will get better. Keep posting. We care

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28 Apr 12 #326965 by Bluebird88
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Thank you so much for replying, it means a lot to me!!

Its the overwhelming feeling of despair and loneliness which i find hard, its dreadful.

The weather is horrible here today (i live near the sea) and i am still in bed :(

  • leftwondering
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28 Apr 12 #326969 by leftwondering
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Hi Bluebird,

I know. It''s truly devastating.
For a period I just practically stayed in bed all weekend.
Try and make a cup of tea or coffee and go back to bed and drink it.
Better if you can maybe make a cup of soup with some bread, as this heartbreak makes you lose all your appetite and then you become physically run down which makes it even harder to cope.

You won''t feel this devastated for ever, although you think you will.

Read through the posts and the blogs here and you will find you are certainly not alone and there are people all over the country feeling the same.
Write up a blog as writing it all out can be really helpful, knowing it will be read by others who really understand what you are going through.

There are couples walking around today hand in hand and looking perfectly happy, little knowing that their partner is a cheat and that the bombshell will be dropped on one of them them tomorrow.


Take care

LW

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28 Apr 12 #326971 by sun flower
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There are two types of advice here ...and sometimes one is best and sometimes another....and trust yourself to know...and be kind to yourself.

1. Sometimes we need a duvet day to recover and reprogramme. Give it to yourself as a gift if nothing needs doing urgently...the world will still turn....and if you are going to do it ....see it as that - the break you need.

2. Exercise is a rebalancer and a destressor. You won''t see the benefits in the very short term but will in the long term Can you walk in the rain etc?

You will know which is right and that is fine. Be kind to yourself - few things in life will shock you more...and remember - you only have to deal with 10 minutes at a time.

  • flowerofscotland
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28 Apr 12 #326976 by flowerofscotland
Reply from flowerofscotland
Hi Bluebird88,

You may not know it yet, as eight weeks is just the beginning of this rocky road, but even by reaching out to those as Scaryclairie mentions who "get it", is a start. At least you realise that you are trying to make sense of it all, by coming onto Wiki and looking for the right kind of support and guidance, and you will get it here, of that I can assure you.

It is OK to feel how you are feeling, it is part of the grieving process. Your body is in shock, you are suffering from the effects of a trauma. Like the others have said, think now only of you and you alone. You have to put yourself first and foremost as you will need every piece of strength in you to see you through the next few months or even longer. There is no time limit on the healing process, you can not switch off your emotions or feelings for your partner just like a light bulb....it is often measured that the deeper your love ran for this person, the longer it takes to heal.

You will find great comfort by talking to someone who can help, maybe counselling would be a good place to start. Focus on that job hunting, look at voluntary work anything to keep you busy and your mind occupied. Do not hem yourself in between four walls, fresh air and exercise can work wonders for positive mental attitude.

I off all people understand your isolation and lack of support around you. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to try and think out of the box and look for sources of comfort and support. The Wiki meets would be an excellent opportunity to meet new people so I hope that you will find one that is more local to you.

I am 21 months along this road and I am one of the unfortunates who is in the middle of an extremely acrimonious divorce. Although this is the case, I am so desperately trying to heal a broken heart in the middle of it and was shocked to find a photograph taken with my STBX and his OW NO 1 on the internet last night, it was sheer fluke that I came across it. I was absolutely thrown back into the depths of my despair and grief. So what I am saying Bluebird88, it will take a long time to heal after having been betrayed by the one you loved, and I am not sure if the emotional scars ever truly leave us. But, it does make you stronger and more determined in life not to make the same mistakes again and hopefully one day we will all look back and think that they did do us a great big favour, it is just that when you are in the thick of it, you can not see that yet.

Time may or may not be a healer, but what it most certainly does is, is to make things more bearable and easier to cope with.

Stay strong and remember you are never alone in this, there are thousands of us who have stood in your shoes and are still living to tell the tale....but remember there will be thousands behind us, who have unfortunately yet all the same to come. They just do not know it yet. No couple is safe from what we are going through, it can happen to anyone. Just remember that, as sad a fact as it is!

Take care for now FoS x

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