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I''m at my lowest ebb

  • samchik1
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29 Apr 12 #327165 by samchik1
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Thank you all for these messages.

Haway and all those who kicked me up the arse and slapped me with a wet fish - thanks. I needed it and it did help.

To those of you with a slightly different approach - thanks too. I also benefited from knowing you have all been here before too.

To those of you who remind me of my son - sometimes I can''t believe I entertain such thoughts. I watch him playing with his grandma and think what a tit I''d be...what he would lose. Yes, my pain comes second to him.

But LW is right, the pain peaks...and when it does there is nothing like it. Cold turkey is probably a good analogy (literally and neurologically).

  • perin123
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29 Apr 12 #327199 by perin123
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Reading your post upset me so much. I know exactly how you are feeling and so do a lot of people on here.It is a rollercoaster, one day you feel positive the next rock bottom.
Like many the one thing that keeps me going is my son, there is no way I am leaving him.

Keep posting on here, even in the darkest times, someone will post and keep you going. Each day is one step closer to the light at the end of it all.


  • Mitchum
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29 Apr 12 #327207 by Mitchum
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There are other wonderful people in your life and they''re the reason why you have to go on putting one foot in front of the other Sam.

You have a wonderful son who did nothing to deserve this and your parents who have helped you so much would never recover. I know as a parent that I never would.

No one here will tell you it''s easy but we do know how much courage it takes to simply carry on being brave but that''s what you have to do. No choice. It''s mechanical.

Stop watching the news; you can''t relate to it anyway. Stop comparing yourself to others. The pain is very real but it does dissipate. Treat yourself with the care you would give to a wounded child or animal.

Perhaps sharing your painful feelings has already helped. Wikis are online almost 24/7 so there''s no need to feel quite so alone.

  • Camelia
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29 Apr 12 #327276 by Camelia
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Hi Samchick

I rarely comment these days but I am an avid reader and your post reminded me of my own situation some 5 years ago.

What you are experiencing is a completely normal reaction to the trauma of a relationship breakdown; yours is exacerbated by the nature and degree of the deceit involved and the transference of guilt to you...I had exactly the same with my Ex after he was discovered S***ing his best mate''s wife...that of course, was all my fault :-)

Someone gave me a great piece of advice whilst I was lurching from one emotional crisis, day in day out, and that was ''it will pass, it always does''. And this applies to everything that causes us heartache, despair and grief.

How you feel today will pass, in time, it won''t be easy and you will have days when you feel like chucking in the towel.. Been there matey, done the bottle of co-proxamol and blue lights....thank god for quick paramedics is all I can say ! Even that traumatic experience had a positive outcome, I started to volunteer for a mental health charity and I now work there full time as an Advocate, representing people suffering from mental ill health.

I truly beleive in the old saying, what doesn''t kill you makes you stronger; If I hadn''t had to go through what I did and a horrendous divorce with god knows how many hearings and 2 non-molestation orders I wouldn''t be the person I am today. I can honestly say I fear very little these days, just bring it on !

Stop torturing yourself with the key logger, it just confirms what you aleady know, and as for giving her another try, all I can say is once the trust has gone, its gone forever, you would never not be able to check her phone, emails, or worse.

You say need her, you don''t, you want her, big difference....you need oxygen, food, sleep and your boy.

The sun will eventually shine on you again, just gotta let the rain clouds pass.

K x

  • Canuck425
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29 Apr 12 #327319 by Canuck425
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Also know this. There are GOOD women out there. Really good women. This one you''ve been with is not so good. Once you get through it and are emotionally stronger I hope you''ll be clear on what you want in a relationship and then, eventually, go out and get it!

  • leftwondering
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30 Apr 12 #327380 by leftwondering
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What a lovely post Camelia.

A few weeks ago I met (through my work) a very pleasant and very good looking girl in her late 30''s.
I was feeling really low, but she had mentioned something when she first phoned "that her husband used to fix all that stuff, but now she''s lost and needs professional help" that in my state of mind, found curious and interesting on the human level.

When she came up to the biz I was struck by how gorgeous she looked and we spoke a bit after getting the biz stuff out of the way.

Turned out she had lost her husband in Afghanistan. He was a bomb disposal guy.
A month later, she got news that her 19 year old son had been shot and killed in a fire fight with the Taliban.

She too thought about swallowing the bottle of pills, but she has a 12 year old and a 9 year old and said that she had to get up out of bed every day ''cos she had to.

She said that there is not a day goes by when she doesn''t think of her husband and son.

She had since taken an interest in horses and showjumping and that had added a new direction in her life and had her own horse now.

When she left I was so impressed by her ability to carry on in the face of such devastation.

We human beings can be so resilient during the very worst of times.


  • u6c00
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30 Apr 12 #327394 by u6c00
Reply from u6c00
Hi Samchick

Your post reminds me so much of my situation a year ago after I discovered my ex''s affair. Loads of people have given loads of good advice.

My advice is to not be afraid to seek help when you need it. Most NHS trusts have a ''crisis resolution team'' who are extremely good at helping with these situations. If you are at a low point as you were when you made your original post, walk into A&E at your local hospital and ask to speak to the duty psychiatrist. They will refer you to someone who can genuinely help you. Don''t be afraid to access services, it is much more responsible for yourself and child/ren to go and get help than to let things slide and get worse.

I read a lot of information on suicide. The one thing that stuck with me is that suicide is not a choice, it happens when pain exceeds the resources for coping (Direct quote but I don''t know who to attribute it to).

You don''t really want to die, you just don''t want the pain any more. That''s obvious and absolutely reasonable. I didn''t either. I managed, but I look back and I don''t know how. Remember that your pain is temporary. One day you WILL be ok again.

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