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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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I''m at my lowest ebb

  • Sunshine10
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30 Apr 12 #327398 by Sunshine10
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I haven''t been online this weekend so am only now reading this post. Its heartbraking but inspiring at the same time.

Sam, you are not alone. None of us are alone in what we are going through.

Camelia your post is just brilliant and gives me hope that we don''t just have to get through this, but that things can actually be better than they were before. If only there was a fast forward button to get to that point.

My kids are keeping me going right now. I get out of bed in the morning because they need me. I''d never let anything or anyone harm them and that includes me. I''m sure thats true for everyone on here who are lucky enough to have kids.

  • Marshy_
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30 Apr 12 #327405 by Marshy_
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Hi Sam. What I see in you is the same I saw in myself during what I now call the "troubles" that was 2006. And I see what you are going thru everywhere. Not just this site.

I am what 6 years on from you. Your 2012 is my 2006. And one thing I can say to you with absoulute total certainty, is that you wont always be like this. Things will get better. You will be amazed at how far you will have progressed in say 3 months or 6 months. Lot of people will say the same to you.

Lastly, I know it hurts. But you have to let her go. But its for the best.

Very lastly. I want to say a few things about ending it. I too thought of this. I had sat in front of 10 box''s of Diazipam. Enough to off the whole block. But I didnt. Of course.. But if I had, then I wouldnt have had the great life that I have had without her. These are not just words of its gona be all right and other platitudes. But you will be robbing yrself and the world of your future that is not written yet. Here is a number. Its for Jo. Give him or her a call if you ever feel like this again. There is no shame in talking to Jo. He/she got me past a lot of sh!t when I felt the pain would engulf me. Its 08457 909090 Samaritans. Call them.. You will not be sorry. C.

  • anonymous123
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30 Apr 12 #327422 by anonymous123
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Being that low, it seems like it will never pass. I have had two suicide attempts due to the way my husband was treating me, I had to get out. I also have a son and to be honest at the time I felt like I wasn''t even good enough to be his mother and that he would be better off with somebody else. Had I succeeded, he would have spent the rest of his life feeling like I didn''t care enough about him and he would have been the one carrying that guilt around. I went to see my GP and I am getting psychological treatment and I don''t mean the ones where they tell you to have a cup of tea and put your feet up. That is most probably the type of advise you will get from the Samaritans. I am taking antidepressants, not a long term answer but just to get me out of the downward spiral so I can start some improvements. Have a chat to your doctor, this is serious and you are not alone!! I am very sorry to hear about your problems.

  • teecher
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30 Apr 12 #327517 by teecher
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Hey Samchik,
((Hugs.)) I have also been in that dark hole of despair and remember well the time I thought that life wasn''t worth living.:(
Please don''t feel you are alone-we hear you and understand what hell you are going through.
I am 2+ years from finding out and life has been extremely rocky- but the support and love from family and friends(real and virtual) has helped me through-
I look at my family today and I''m glad I didn''t do anything silly- killing myself would have ruined so many lives.
Go see your Doc-you WILL get through this- I promise!!!:)

  • yellowrose
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30 Apr 12 #327525 by yellowrose
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I can''t add anything that hasn''t already been said. Yes i''ve been there and even scarier I had reached the point where I had decided to kill him first (he will never know how close to dying he came). My children are adults at uni so I am on my own but my friends, my AD''s, my counsellor and my G.P have got me through. I still have days where I am incredibly sad and in pain but I know that i am better than him and her and my (they were ''ours'') friends know it too. He may have her and her kids but that''s all he''s got.
He''s a lawyer and so is she. Another lawyer once told him he wouldn''t p..s on him if he was on fire. He clearly saw something long before others did!
Please don''t give up. xxxxxxxxxxx

  • TomAdams
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30 Apr 12 #327530 by TomAdams
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My coping strategy since losing my children (wife I was glad to lose) is to compare my situation with people who I know have it worse and then realise that I have no real reason for self pity.

I find the good things in my life and try to work on those. One day when my children come to find me when they do not have their actions determined by their mother they will find someone who is at peace with everyone and content.

  • u6c00
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01 May 12 #327573 by u6c00
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I just remembered about a service that I was referred to when I experienced similar difficulty.

I emailed Mind (the charity) about help, and they referred me to this place:


I never used the service myself, but it might be useful for others.

Mind had a LOT of useful links to further information and services. Don''t hesitate to email them if you need it, but expect to wait a day or two for a reply. Better yet, phone them if you need help immediately.

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