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Utter shock - please advise

  • johnt153
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30 Apr 12 #327423 by johnt153
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Hello,

Been signposted to this site by a friend and I''m very glad I found it as I seriously need some help - not quite sure what but something.

OK, to summarise. Been with girlfriend several years and she genuinely was my best friend and the love of my life (and she insisted the same was true for her). We took it slowly so as not to risk spoiling anything but were together virtually every day. Talk of marriage; too many fun times and laughs to count; fantastic love life; Absolute trust - the works. All was pretty perfect, really.

Then, a few months ago, she claimed to be stressed from work and just needed a little bit of space. OK. Believe it or not this stretched into months. Alarm bells clearly ringing I gave her every occasion to end things if she wasn''t happy but she insisted she didn''t want to end, loved me, couldn''t bear the thought of her life without me.

Three days ago, a text - sorry, don''t love you anymore. Take care. All my subsequent calls have been ignored.

It''s pretty obvious what''s happened and I''m reeling, I admit it. I loved her with all my heart and soul and TRUSTED her. The thought of her simply not giving a damn anymore is terrible. The thought of her with someone else is just too much.

Please help cause I really need it.

Thanks and best to you all.

  • pixy
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30 Apr 12 #327426 by pixy
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Welcome. You are still in shock and will be for some time. But you have come to the right place for support - only those who have been through this awfulness can truly understand how you feel.

Explore the site, maybe think about writing a blog or popping into chat. It sounds as though what you need is emotional support but if you have other questions aboutthe practicalities of splitting up then post them too.

((()))

  • leftwondering
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30 Apr 12 #327428 by leftwondering
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Hi John,

She''s got somebody else in her sights.

Sorry, but that''s the way it works.

You won''t change her mind by talking..

If you are a young guy, don''t waste any more time on her.

Over the next month, cry, feel depressed, get drunk with your mates, look after yourself and move on.

100000''s of suitable girls out there.

You met the wrong one.

Be thankful you never married her and in 10 years time had 3 kids and a house.

Accept it, move on. Life''s short.
Lots of happiness out there for you.

LW

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30 Apr 12 #327429 by johnt153
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Hi Pixy.

Yes, I''ve been looking through this forum and there''s some utter horror stories on here. I think what makes it worse in my case is that I went through a terrible divorce some years ago that left it difficult for me to trust. I intentionally stayed single for several years to avoid ''the rebound''. Then the ex came along, broke down the barriers, so to speak...and now does this :(

Meant to add in my opening post - just a couple of days before she sent a text stressing how much she adored me and missed me. Am I missing something here?

John.

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30 Apr 12 #327431 by johnt153
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Hi LW,

I''m in a state of utter shock - I cannot take this in. For me, if you love someone it''s utterly alien to lie to them. And I miss her terribly.

John.

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30 Apr 12 #327438 by leftwondering
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I know John.
It feels utter crap and you will look for every way to think that she is maybe in a bad mood or angry about something and torture yourself about WHY.

Of course it makes no sense.

Cheaters throw up a heap of credible lies and bullshit because they are worried about getting caught out and want you as their safety net as they look for the next one.

Why did you fancy her in the first place and not the girl standing next to her?

Just the way your mind works. The way love works.

Maybe the girl standing next to her would have turned out to be your greatest friend, lover and mother of your kids and always looked after you and supported you always.

Don''t waste time on deadbeats who you have trusted with your heart and then hurt you and don''t care how you feel about it.

She is NOT the only person for you.

There is another out there who would love to be part of your life and won''t let you down.

LW

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30 Apr 12 #327442 by johnt153
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Cheers, LW. I''m so distressed I''m literally finding it difficult to type, my hands are shaking so badly. Difficult for a bloke to admit but true. I''m not naive but I genuinely can''t understand how she could keep lying to me, keep me hanging on waiting, keep telling me she loved me, when she''s almost certainly been betraying me. How cruel is that? She doesn''t deserve me, that''s for sure, but this hurts beyond words - every second my head is full of memories and they just won''t stop.

John.

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