Utter shock - please advise

Thanks everyone. Sleeping all to hell, as is to be expected...and sat with a glass of wine at twenty past four in the morning. This ain''t the way to go. Believe me when I say that I''m a strong bloke who can cope with most stuff - but this has deeply unsettled and saddened me. Nobody''s worth sliding into bloody alcoholism for - right?

John.

Absolutely consumed by memories. Ended by text, after all these years - Jesus wept. I know I''ll get through and if this is the person she really is I''ll be better off without but how the hell do you deal with the crushing heartache and jealousy right now? Third glass of wine I can''t believe this has happened.

I been there - the hurt will stay then come and go and mentally you will feel the pain. You will miss her one minute and hate her the next. My advice : while mentally you will find it difficult to think clearly - you need to go for a run or go gym or long walks this will keep you physically fit otherwise you will get hurt mentally and physically. Speak openly with your friends the more you talk about it the quicker you recover. Trust me before you know it you will thank you lucky stars you did not get married. don''t sit at home dwelling on it - go out shopping or sit in a cafe - you will come the other end a stronger person. Goog luck

Hi John,

Have read all that you have written and my heart hurts for you. Been where you are - still going through it - but pain not quite as acute now.

I have been divorced from my ex husband for 4 months now. He left our home with no explanation or discussion - he just left. He had found a flat etc totally without my knowledge and I was devastated. I think I''ve posted somewhere else that to this day - he has still not told me the facts of why he left. I now know it is because he has someone else, and has done for a long while, but he used every excuse under the sun apart from the truth.

Anyway - my point is - I can understand the need to know why - as can everyone else on this site that has been through this hellish situation. Why can someone tell you they love you one minute and be gone the next? It boils down to them being totally spineless and cowardly with absolutely no integrity. And really - do you want that person in your life? Someone who will not be there for you and can tell you one thing and mean another? You deserve much better than that - and you must keep telling yourself that.

I agree with everyone else - no contact is the best way to go. So hard I know when all you want to do is tell them how awful you feel - because they are the person you have always shared things with. But they really don''t care anymore. Very hard to accept - but is the truth.

One day at a time - deal with today - tomorrow will take care of itself.

Look after yourself and be gentle with yourself.

J

Thanks, everyone. Not long been up after supping two bottles of wine in the early hours - I am terrified of becoming an alcoholic. I have a never ending image of her laughing, having fun, and yes, having sex, with someone else and it''s indescribably painful. How the hell do you go from loving someone to not giving a damn?

How the hell do you go from loving someone to not giving a damn?

You don''t, that''s what makes it so hard. Just keep telling yourself that you will eventually get through it. It will take time - a long time. This is worse than bereavement and standard advice for the bereaved is that it can take 1-3 years to recover.

((()))

Oh Pixy, the thought of never seeing the woman I truly adored again makes my heart want to burst. All the memories, all the hopes, all the shared moments. I truly cannot stand this pain.

John.