Utter shock - please advise

Hi John,
It sounds like you''ve had an awful shock and you need to allow yourself some time to adjust.
It is totally beyond me how someone can behave so cruelly to someone they loved, but there are an awful lot of people who do. I''m afraid it''s likely that you will discover more and more lies and deceit over the next few weeks and months. Steel yourself for it and get a good friend who can listen, or post on here.
It sounds like she has made her mind up and I doubt it is going to be changed, put yourself first and try not to think about what she''s doing.
Take care x

Hi Lozzsa,

Thanks for the advice. I''m sorry to moan but I''m in pieces. I really did think the world of her - and supposedly she did me. I cannot fathom why, just a day before her little bombshell, I was supposedly the love of her bloody life? Is that confusion or utter, twisted malice? Seems I never knew her at all. The worst thing is knowing - almost beyond doubt, by definition of what she''s done - that she won''t be giving a damn or a second thought about me while I''m shattered. I don''t grasp how people can do that.

John.

John,

Take it from me and others here.

Don''t call her. Don''t text her.

If she calls you, don''t beg or talk about the good times etc.

Just tell her that if she feels that way then goodbye.

If she really loves you she will come back..

But be very careful now that you know the way she is capable of treating you, because there is every chance she will do it again

LW

Cheers, mate.

I fully agree - I need to be seriously wary of her. I know it''s early days but I can''t see her getting in touch. And as it seems likely that she''s been playing around - and she''s admitted to me that she''s done so before - how could I ever take her back even if she wanted?

I''ve been reading some of your own posts - I''m very sorry to hear how you''ve been treated, mate. How did you manage to get through? I noted your use of the term ''obsessed'' - ditto, and it''s very hard to manage.

John.

Yeah John....I''m obsessed by our marriage breakup and I miss the girl I met 32 years ago dreadfully.
It''s been threequarters of my whole adult life, so it would be weird if it wasn''t important to me and preyed on my thoughts.
I never dreamed in a million years she would have done that to me.
I looked after her, never treated her badly and I thought she was happy.

But she was good at acting in the last year, while keeping me in the dark about her private thoughts and plans in life.

I wanted a normal, happy life like others I see.
I believed we had achieved that and was looking the other way while she sneaked behind my back.

But she doesn''t care two shits for me now, OR our daughter and is happily getting on with her new man in her romantic fog.

It''s incredibly painful and readjusts your whole outlook on life.

But thats the way it is.

Sink or swim....and if you sink they will not worry about it anyway.

LW

Welcome to wiki John.
Your friend did you an enormous favour directing you to this site. The shock is indeed terrible to bear and this is when you need family and friends, both real and virtual. A small group of people whose judgements you can trust will get you through this.

Take each day at a time and just concentrate on getting through today. Tomorrow is another day. Your head will be all over the place at first with thoughts spiralling out of control. The hardest part is accepting that the leaver has probably been thinking of this for months and you''re left playing catch up.

You want answers and explanations -accept that you won''t get them and focus on what you do know and taking care of yourself.

We''re here to help.

I''m so sorry to hear that, John. I think we''re a bit similar in that while we dislike the ex for who they are (cause I certainly do now; I wouldn''t have treated her as shabbily as she''s done) it''s a whole different matter turning feelings off.

Hi Mitchum. He did do me a service! I feel somewhat bad as my situation isn''t anywhere near as bad as some - no marital home to worry about, etc - but I feel like my chest''s been hollowed out. Where''s the gain in keep telling someone you love them while your feelings have changed or you''ve met someone else? That''s sadistically self-centred

John.