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Seriously struggling

  • fairylandtime
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02 May 12 #328007 by fairylandtime
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John they say divorce is like a death & for the one who is left it can be.

I was in total shock - went on to cope mode I was there in body but my mind was - god knows where.

See your GP, try counselling, get books if that is something that will help (did me) relate have a good book which takes you through the actions & reactions - for me this helped.

Look after yourself, go for walks, eat even if soup, treat yourself.

Stay Strong it is hard very hard but try &. Distance yourself from your X, they are not the same person that you once knew.

(((hugs))) JJx

  • johnt153
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02 May 12 #328012 by johnt153
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Thanks, everyone. I don''t deserve this and I cannot let it beat me. One step at a time, right? Forcing some food down my neck as I type!

John.

  • bryce125
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02 May 12 #328015 by bryce125
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Good on you! baby steps! :)

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03 May 12 #328093 by johnt153
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Hi everyone. Been asleep - sleeping patterns all over the place - but prior to this received a text from the ex: did I want to be friends; really hoped I find happiness. In a moment of weakness I told her exactly how I still feel about her and nothing back. Why is she doing this? :(

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03 May 12 #328101 by fairylandtime
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Hi John

A mixture of guilt & control is why - you need to follow the 60 day rule mentioned on here by others (no contact for 60 days) I couldnt go the full 60 days myself until very late on tbh x talked to me more after he left than when we were together :laugh::

I changed e name on my phone for him & put a note "do it txt" with texts or emails or other communication I suggest that you leave it overnight if you can before you responded (if you do responde) as you cannot do that with a clear head at the moment.

I now don''t contact my x unless I really have to (even about the kids) as it is always turned round into an argument or opportunity for him to play the victim to all around & make me look awful, x is messing around with Tfr of house & child support but do you know what now my only reaction is laughter - & "really your being that pedantic" :)At one time I would have jumped - x woul have his control all over again but moved on now (at last).

You will get there too it''s taken me 2 yrs, & now I realise how controlling x was am really glad we divorced (not my idea to do so etc etc), now I know x did me a flavour.

Stay strong - one step at a time & one step forward (praise for those) & forgive yourself for any steps back.

JJx

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03 May 12 #328115 by Canuck425
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ok, so you''re human and answered her text. Do not do this again!! Do you not communicate with her. She''s gone and barely cares. She contacts you because she feels guilty for what she''s done. She will reach out to you again. Do not answer. The best plan is to live a great life. Period. You can do it.

Focus on you. Commit to loving you. Take care of you. Put you first. Just do it.

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03 May 12 #328117 by maisymoos
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I remember well where you are now. Just about functioning each day to keep the kids going. My mum tried so hard to get me to eat, I lived on bananas for months as this was something I didn''t have to chew. Weight dropped off but I knew I needed to try and look after myself for the sake of the children. I was a zombie as I couldn''t sleep.

I am 18 months further on and truly would hate to return to that place, but many of us have been there and have come out the other side. It is like a bereavement, possibly worse, as there are often few answers to the questions that go round and round your head.

Just cope with a day at a time, you really won''t feel like this forever.

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