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Seriously struggling

  • BrokenPromises
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03 May 12 #328123 by BrokenPromises
Reply from BrokenPromises
Why would you want to be friends with someone who has little or no regard for the way you are feeling? If one of your mates had treated you in this way - would you remain friends with them? She is only saying this to you to make herself feel better.

This is very hard - in fact it is indescribably - the range of emotions are crazy. Really know how you are feeling. My experience has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. People say it is like bereavement - and it is - but rejection is a killer especially when you love someone and have given them everything you have to give.

No contact is the best thing to do if you can. I didn''t do that at first - just wanted to speak to my ex, see him etc. Was concerned for him in the beginning because of the lies he had told me so was worried for his safety. I haven''t had any contact with him now for over two months and it is easier. The dark moments of despair are not so frequent now - so believe everyone on here when they say it will get a little better - slowly but it will. There have been many days when I didn''t want to get out of bed, didn''t want to eat, just cried and cried. However my attitude is changing and I feel like - why am I letting this guy make me feel like this - he isn''t giving me a second thought and is living his life quite happily with someone else. Sadly you do have to feel this pain - it is all part of the process. But please take a little comfort that it will change.

This will get better and you will survive this - I promise you. Try not to think too far ahead. Just one day at a time. It is the best way to cope. If I think too far ahead - well I panic! One day is all we can live anyway.

Be gentle with yourself and take care


  • Sunshine10
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03 May 12 #328126 by Sunshine10
Reply from Sunshine10
John, listen to these very lovely and clever wiki folks, they know what they are talking about.
There are lots of us that are in the same position as you. I''m a month in and I can honestly say that I''m still obsessing about him but I have had a couple of days recently where not every waking thought is about him. Things will get better.

Try not to text - I''ve been really rubbish at this, but I can tell you that all the contact has been initiated by me and always always ends up making me feel worse. Try to put some distance if you can. Don''t be her friend. Not right now anyway.

  • Mitchum
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03 May 12 #328128 by Mitchum
Reply from Mitchum
Glad you''re feeling a little more positive.

Rejection hurts because it feels a lot like hatred and you can''t imagine what you can possibly have done to make her hate you. Believe others when they say that in time you will realise you don''t want someone in your life who can treat you so badly.

However,the human survival instinct is very strong and already your body and mind are working on it! You may not feel it but the healing has begun.

Don''t forget to eat and get some fresh air. Exercise or walking will help to sort your thoughts. If you think counselling would help now is the time to think about arranging some. Your GP can refer you.

You know now that wiki friends are willing you through this and will be here for you for as long as it takes.

It''s time to be utterly selfish and think only about how you can recover and move on to have a great life.

Stay in touch and let us know how you''re doing. xx

  • pixy
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03 May 12 #328137 by pixy
Reply from pixy
The ''let''s be friends'' bit is part of the standard trajectory for assuaging guilt. If you are friends then clearly she can''t be a bad person can she?

My stbx wants to be friends too. Not a hope in hell, I do not have friends who cheat, lie and betray me.

As everyone has said, look after yourself, avoid all contact as far as is humanly possible. If you are having difficulty eating, stock up on yoghourt, soup and bananas.


  • perin123
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03 May 12 #328143 by perin123
Reply from perin123
Just wanted to add my support ((()))

The advice from everyone is spot on, but it''s so difficult in the early days to follow it! Spoken by one who knows! I am now nearly 2 years down the line but still remember every word that was said, and every feeling I had. Still have down days, but wikki friends pull me back up, I can honestly say I would not be here now without their support.

Keep posting, chatroom good for a boost, take care of yourself and don''t try to rationalize it now, you will drive yourself insane..(been there done that didn''t want the t shirt!)


  • johnt153
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03 May 12 #328149 by johnt153
Reply from johnt153
Well, just back from seeing my gp and she''s asked me to consider a voluntary admission to an inpatient unit as I''m physically exhausted. Thanks a bunch, ex, you''ve really done a number on my here :(

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