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Dark place

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03 May 12 #328286 by Skizzy
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I am in a dark place today. I cannot see a way forward or a future. I''m terrified at the thought of having to share a roof with him again, of moving back to a city, of being stuck there until the divorce is done. And after that. It''ll just be crappy rented flats, never seeing my dogs, a life on benefits, never doing the work I love & crave. Stuck indoors day after day after day isolating myself further so I''m not the burden he came to hate. I''m tired of fighting now & I think I''ve had enough.

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03 May 12 #328288 by Action
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Big hugs to you.

I don''t have any magic answers but can empathise with your fears. It must feel like utter torture to have to share a house with him again, and to not have your dogs. My dog really did keep me going in the early days and seemed like the only reason to bother getting out of bed.

I don''t know your financial situation but have you had advice about what you are entitled to? Is there any equity in the house that could help you get back on your feet?

I hope things start to improve for you soon.

x

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04 May 12 #328297 by Skizzy
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My dogs are the center of everything. I have 3 with me, he has the other 3, they''re alone all day while he''s working & all eve/night when he''s out. is hard to find a rented place that will accept 1 dog, let alone the rest. One of them has aggressive problems, if/when the house is sold, if I can''t take him he''ll have to be PTS. Ex will have to stay at his Dads a while & can''t take him there.
I don''t know what I''m entitled to, nothing if he has his way. Ther eisn''t enough equity to buy outright though & I won''t get a mortgage. He''s sorted, he''ll buy again. Not jealous, he works hard for his cash. Ok little jealous, bitter maybe. He thought nothing was gonna touch him. That I''d go away quietly & his life wouldn''t change. He''s pissed I might get anything, pissed that he''s gonna be put out for a while, if I have to move back. If the house is sold. I sat here for so long, living out a suitcase, waiting for him to get sorted so we could restart our lives together. No heat, no hot water, no kitchen. Yet its all my fault. I''m to blame. I didnt hug him enough, didn''t show him enough. He left me to rot here. Still wants me to rot here. He''s ok with that. Out of sight, out of mind.

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04 May 12 #328308 by sim5355
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hi! i have been reading your threads what a awful situation to be in i think reading the last one that your anger is starting to come out which i don''t blame you for.like the others have said he has been planning this for a long time get, you out of the way, get the house sold as it is in his name only, take the money start afresh.If i were you use that anger and get even.First i would move back in MH when he is out working once your in you can register at land registry that you live there.Once you have done this then start divorce proceedings he will not be able to get you out the house unless he gives you a settlement at least you will have some funds to go forward and oh how pi***d he will be

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04 May 12 #328330 by Action
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Hi again - just read your last post. Please remember that it''s not up to him how much you get from the settlement. If he can easily get a mortgage with his higher earnings then that should be taken into account with how things are divided. Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to?

I found it useful to keep a diary of things that he did that were just plain rotten, and then on the days I felt like rolling over and giving in, all I had to do was read it and remember very quickly what a b**st**d he had been.

Try to do as much research as you can. It will make you feel better that you are doing something positive for your own future. There are so many people on here with masses of knowledge so you''re not on your own.

I am so sorry about the situation with your dogs. I can honestly say that I don''t think I would be where I am now without mine (might not even be here at all). Some people don''t understand but we are all individuals and get our comfort and strength from different things.

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04 May 12 #328356 by Skizzy
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Thank you for the replies.

I''m not angry at what he''s done so much, can understand him wanting someone who''s fit & healthy. It''s more about how he''s done it & the person he''s turned into, and I will admit the loss of the dream future we had planned for so long. I don''t want to be an angry bitter person, I don''t want to turn into that.
I think moving back into the MH is going to be my only option, which makes me panic massively. To be under a roof with him, in the suburbs, surrounded by houses & people will feel incredibly claustraphobic, and I know I''ll be there for a fair while as he''s said he won''t initiate the divorce...that''s up to me & I''ll need to sort benefits & save up which will be tough as he''ll make me pay half the bills etc (understandably). He''s pretty much going to delay everything for as long as he can so his life isn''t disrupted.

I''ve been researching as much as I can, it''s got my brain in a bit of a muddle. As far as I can see, everything costs money & as it''s stands at the moment, I have nothing coming in. I''m trying to get it all sorted, it''s difficult without transport & I''ve been unable to walk to the postbox. God, how pathetic do I sound. Everyday just seems to bring more stress..letters, phone calls, things I can''t sort out, more sh*t to wade through & all I want to do is curl in a ball & pretend I don''t exist.

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04 May 12 #328487 by sim5355
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hi! if i were you i would go to cab first to find out what benefits you could get.the settlement is not up to him so you will need to fight, so will need some money behind you while this is going on. If you receive benefits then you should get legal aid.Don''t forget just because you will be living in the same house you will be classed as single if you have been seperated so you will be able to claim these benefits.i have been going through this just like you my ex is a bully he took personnal items ,he locked the garage so could not get anything out .then he locked the workshop as well and then made a special lock for the gate he parked is van so i could not get off the drive and put my toothbrush down toilet.he cut the cable off every month for 8 months i tried to take over account but it was in arrears and could not afford £150 to clear it.anyway 18 months later i have my first court hearing in june i intend to fight to the end as i have had so much of his rubbish to put up with .

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