John, I am going through a separation and although it is proving stressful and it may indeed get worse. What I can,identify with is how low you are feeling.
I have come through a long period of domestic abuse (financial, emotional) which eventually saw me turn to spending money. I spent a lot, £ thousands. I remember the nights, days when I felt like I had reached the end of the road, saw no way forward, life was not worth living. I planned to end it all and relieve the pressure. But In the deepest darkest moments I spoke to the Samaritans - talking off loading either by phone or email and it really did help. Spilling it all out, every deep dark secret, thought & they are there 24 hrs, a person to talk to. Talking to someone who doesnt know you or your family is useful. I look back now, and although its still hard I am so pleased, relieved that I never did anything. I am taking control now. I don''t want to be a victim anymore and I WILL begin to live again.
You need time John. BUT you are driving the bus now, you can go on any journey you chose, take the long scenic route, take your time, off load, heal .... But know you will reach the other side, no matter how dark the tunnel seems to be at present. I am sure there are lots on here who can talk about coming out the other side. For me now the future is looking brighter, just different.
You are a living breathing human being full of pain, hurt, anger right now. You need to find a way to keep off loading, look after your health. I am not a counsellor just someone who knows how it feels to reach the bottom of a deep dark hole. Sometimes you need to rest in the hole a while, accept it will be lonely and painful but the ladder is there - when you are ready to climb it.
The shoe is on the other foot for me, because I am the one who is doing the walking .... But. From what I have read on here, they do say that the no contact thing is the best method for YOU. any immediate contact may give you false hope. so whether she is being cruel to be kind or just can''t face your devastation .... Right now you are having to face acceptance. accepting she has gone, accepting she won''t be back. I would suggest going to your doctor if you are feeling very low, depressed. Talk through the options available, free counselling can be prescribed. I don''t know the stages of grief but that is what you are experiencing I suspect. Get help John, drive your bus, put your hand on the wheel, press the accelerator gentley and drive to the first stop. You have lots of people here to talk to. but I really would advise talking to dr or samaritans, you perhaps need to hear a voice, feel the warmth understanding of another person. Ria.
No, not making any contact - CANNOT allow myself to take one more blow. Ten to eight in the morning and I am dreading the day ahead and wondering how the hell I''ll get through. Truly, every single moment is agony. This is wrong. Why oh why oh why.
john mine done the same, as with most of us on here, he lied and lied about where he was going lied for reasons he left, as soon as i confronted him, they were a couple. i no how you feel, your completley mixed up, to put it mildly, as for the trust thing, dont think about that yet, you need to look after yourself, keep the no contact going, it helped me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx