We have all had broken promises John. I would have staked my life on the fact my stbx was not a liar. People could have accused him of anything but I would not beleive he would lie. That all changed when OW came along.
I feel the same as you could I trust anyone again not that at 55 I am going to meet anyone but does that matter as how can I trust again.
It hurts so much to know that the person you thought they were doesn''t exist anymore.
Keep going you sound a lovely caring person who she certainly didn''t deserve and please keep the no contact rule it really helps.
Yes and the lies. Always the lies. And the creeping around doing bad things to you while you were fighting in her corner she was fighting for herself not considering you.
What does go around does come around. And perhaps one day she will realise what she had in you. But by then it will be too late. You will be long gone.
Take heart. Many of us have been where you are are and suffer the same way as you. But as time goes on, many will join us. And many are having affairs right now where the innocent party is ignorant of the fact. But one thing is for sure, many will join our ranks with the same problems that you are facing and will face. Its a shame that people can be so dishonest. C.
Marshy as always is so right and then come the reasons why YOU made them leave! It will be allyour fault, they will have been unhappy for years. My daughter asked her dad if he was unhappy for years why didn''t he leave earlier? His rely was he couldn''t afford to, suddenly when OW came along he could? Hasn''t won the lottery as far as I know.
I moved from love to hate very quickly when I realised the extent of the lies and deceit. You too are just realising the person you thought you loved isn''t actually the person you thought they were at all. This is a first step and will help you accept that she''s gone, and hopefully longer term help you realise you really are better off without her.
You will be feeling numb, isolated and confused, angry, tearful. These are all normal emotions and part of the grieving process. I have been in the same place but can only say it will get better, many of us on here are proof of that.
I can say with all certainty you are not alone whilst you are a member of this site. It got me though some dark days I can tell you. It can be helpful for other people not connected with you personally to share your burden, they can look at things with another pair of eyes, they are not emotionally or personally connected with you, I found that really helpful.
The emotions you are feeling right now, they are real, the hurt, the pain, the trauma, it is physical, you can reach out and touch it...I remember so well. You need time to heal, and it will take time, I won''t pretend it doesn''t, and you will have bad days as well as good.
Just focus on getting through each minute, then each hour, then half a day...baby steps all the way until you feel strong again.
How you feel today will pass, it always does. Gather around you the things that put a smile on your face, even if only for a moment.
You can get through this, even though at the moment you can barely put one foot in front of the other.
PM me if you wish, always happy to sit and listen, so to speak
It''s 3 months tomorrow since I found messages between my stbx and OW. I can''t believe how far I''ve come in that time, and I think the anti-depressants have a lot to do with that - that huge aching ball in my chest that made it hard to breathe has gone, I hadn''t cried in almost two weeks over him (had a sob last night as today is our baby boys 23rd birthday). Not crying over stbx though.
I strongly advise you see your doctor for some medication, or counselling if he/she thinks appropriate. Generally, men see anti-depressants as a cop-out - "man up" - rubbish. If you cut your finger you get a plaster. You break your leg you get it sorted. Mental illness can be treated with good and appropriate medication. It''s helped me no end.
And the latest from my stbx - "we can never get back together because of what I''ve done". Me! When our mutual friends asked what had happened between us I showed them his phone bills and her messages to me - thousands of texts, calls to her + her lies to me saying I''d overreacted about them meeting up for "pub lunch" sometime ... not realising I''d seen the actual message to meet up in his car for "cuddles" - "I don''t care if it''s cold, as long as you are there to cuddle me".
John - look after yourself, you need a break from the norm, take some time and space.
"We" - none of us - deserve to be treated this way by people we thought loved us.