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Nature's Curse or Love.....?

  • ScoobyDont
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16 Jul 08 #33271 by ScoobyDont
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Some great perspectives on this.

Interesting for some people do not to feel not drawn to their ex. It may depend at what stage of the grieving / healing process you are. Or, this just demonstrates that people do react differently and feel different depending on their personal circumstances.

I'm actually today having one of those better days. Whish I could put my finger on why and I'd keep doing what ever it was that provided me with a little relief.

The main thing is that whether it was our choice or the other person’s choice. You can't change the reality of it all. Trying to make someone feel the way you want them to is not something that I think is very healthy or something we can achieve.

So for what ever reason this is the right thing for all of us. Whether we like it or not it is just something we have to experience and go through. IT IS FOR THE BEST.

I don't know if it is possible to embrace what is happening?
Has anyone managed to do this?
Did it make things easier?

With regard to the crying thing. My ex was Chinese. In her culture people are frowned upon if they show outward emotions. However, it ceases to be her concern now.….

Many thanks for your posts

  • Mneme
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16 Jul 08 #33291 by Mneme
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I hadn't thought of it the way you describe it scooby, but it's an interesting idea. No idea why it hurts so damn much though, even when I was the one who wanted to leave. I had good reasons to feel as I felt, but I still went through a lot. One particular night I was dealing with a lot of past hurts, and had the worst pain in my chest I can ever remember. Maybe the heart is the seat of the emotions after all. Perhaps I had to go through it all so my rational brain could take over, I'm still not there yet. - What do scientists know anyway?:huh:(present company excepted)

  • Kalamari
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16 Jul 08 #33339 by Kalamari
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The evolutionary question is very interesting.

There are clearly many compromises in the physical design of the body, for example;-
:unsure:We are so articulate because of our specialised voice box. The associated penalty is that we have a vulnerability to choking because this also resulted in the esophagus and larynx. But human speech is so advantageous the evolution has been established successfully.
:laugh:Walking upright gives us many speed, hunting and gathering advantages. But the spine is poor when upright as a load bearing structure;- so many have back-ache.

And I guess it's the same with relationships;- the massively powerful emotions of falling in love/lust are extremely effective at propagating the species. In comparision the consequences when these emotions disappear are not so important, typically the kids and the parents survive. I'm not belittling the awfulness of falling out of love - I've suffered it myself - just putting it in an evolutionary context.

There are clearly species where monogamy is the norm, and others which are competitively promiscuous. Mankind seems to be in a strange halfway house, with emotions which are probably OK for a monogamous relationship in a lifespan of 30-40 years, but not the current 60-100 years. And there are those which are naturally suited to monogamy, some which are not.

I have some scientific background, but I'm certainly not an evolutionary biologist - parhaps the original wikipedia has an answer!

Best wishes for a speedy recovery from falling out of love!

Kalamari

B)

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16 Jul 08 #33340 by Kalamari
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Sorry, I missed a bit out, the first smilie should read ..............."The associated penalty is that we have a vulnerability to choking because this also resulted in the esophagus and larynx being very close together"

Kalamari

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17 Jul 08 #33585 by Kalamari
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Hmmmm, did I miss the point, that's another thread I've killed stone dead!

Kalamari

:woohoo:

  • ScoobyDont
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18 Jul 08 #33675 by ScoobyDont
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Kalamari wrote:

Hmmmm, did I miss the point, that's another thread I've killed stone dead!

Kalamari

:woohoo:


I don't think you killed anything. I appreciated your text and it was very well put. :)

  • polar
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18 Jul 08 #33699 by polar
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I agree with all the symptoms and suffer all.
Got to add though its all in the way we were brought up.
If we were brought up in a caring family we to care. If we were brought up in a family where 'self' is of prime importance then selfishness creeps in. My STBX fell into this catagory. Was bad for a while then when we had councelling had 'recovered enough' to begin to grab off me what she wanted. Bounces around with a 'dont care' attitude...its all in the past and Ive got a new life. Yep dumped everything and moved on fairly fast. Dont know how she feels now as I dont talk to her as its part of my ''dont get hurt any more strategy.''

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