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Struggling to cope

  • Bjc67
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07 May 12 #328908 by Bjc67
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Still in the early throws of my wife having left me just 4 weeks ago. We were only married for 1 year but the way she left has totally devastated me, furthermore I had no idea at all she was so unhappy. I went out to work in the morning and came home to an empty house. At that moment I felt as if a train had hit me full on, the pain was so intense. Despite her alcohol addiction I loved her, unconditionally.
I have found out now that she is in a rehab centre and I can''t contact her even if I wanted to and given all the advice on here about NC thats no bad thing as hard as it is.
I am really struggling right now to be honest but I take each day as it comes but I get many, many recurring thoughts about her.
To try and combat these bouts of massive depression I have read about many other peoples experiences on here so I know I’m not alone. Worst thing of all I find is to sit at home looking at four walls and pondering at what might have been.
It is comforting to know that this grief does not last forever as many keep stating but each one of us is different in how we deal with this. I have some great friends around me and they have been very supportive, nevertheless I feel this massive hole in my chest and I don’t know what to do it is so hard to even do normal things.
I know that I deserve better than what I had to be treated in such an appalling way. I even had a 1st anniversary card stating her undying love and looking forward to many more years together then within a week shes gone.
I know that in time I will look back on all this and agree with everyone else that tells me she has done me the biggest favour ever by going. Once an addict always an addict they say. I can''t see it just yet that’s what makes it so hard.
When will this horrendous pain of loneliness, lost love etc leave me.

  • yewtree
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07 May 12 #328911 by yewtree
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Hi
Reading your post reminded me of all the desperate feelings i had after my ex husband left me. I have been seperated for 4 and half years and divorced for 2. I found counselling helped me after i went into depression and after a year on anti depressant tablets i felt i could cope enough to stop taking the medication. I know it will be hard to think it now but believe me it does get easier and you will be able to smile again one day.
I still feel sad on days especially anniversarys but i know that it is just something that i have to go through and that i will feel better the next day.
I found my friends were a god send and this website as people on here have been through it.
Stay strong.:)

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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07 May 12 #328912 by NoWhereToTurnl
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It is very early days and what you are feeling is "normal" at the moment. The most important thing you can do is put all your effort into looking after yourself, have contact with friends and keep busy.

You said you had come home to an empty house, did you mean she had removed her belongings? did she leave you a letter asking for a divorce?

I would not want to build your hopes up but is there any possibility that she has checked into rehab and needs to go through the treatment alone?

Thinking about you x

  • johnt153
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07 May 12 #328913 by johnt153
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Hi Bjc67,

I''m a couple of weeks behind you and in a similar state. In my case my partner decided by text that she didn''t love me, then a few days later that she wanted to be friends, then the very next day by text that she loved somebody else so goodbye. I crumbled to the point of considering topping myself. Now, although it''s still extremely early days and the washing machine of emotion is at full pelt 24/7, I''m feeling a minute bit stronger due to the never-ending support of people on this site. Please reach out for the same - everyone who contributes to this site has by definition been through exactly the same pain and torture, so don''t be afraid you might embarrass yourself.

Early days for us both but we CANNOT let what they''ve done finish us.

Best regards,

John.

  • Bjc67
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07 May 12 #328917 by Bjc67
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As I walked through the front door items of furniture that she brought with her were missing.
Then I go upstairs to see that every item of clothing had gone. She has left no evidence of ever having been there.
I thought about this issue of wanting to go on the rehab journey alone and without worrying about what I do but since she left I have had no discussions at all. Furthermore I ring the rehab place and they tell me nothing as she has not put me on her contact list.
I appreciate all the notes of support very much.

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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07 May 12 #328918 by NoWhereToTurnl
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When it first happens it is a physical pain, I felt as though my heart had broken into shattered pieces, I was unable to eat or sleep. He left and moved in with the OW on 17th Dec (though denied it).

On our wedding anniversary I could take no more and attempted suicide, I had a cardio respiratory arrest and was admitted to my own Intensive care unit and put on a ventilator. When the police went to inform him, he was in bed with the OW. He never visited the hospital and for a time my survival hung in the balance.

I came home to an empty house, weighed 5 stone and struggled to do anything. I really do know how bad it feels. Please do not go down the path I took, I wish I had known about this site then and the support it offers.

I have been divorced 7 years now, I found this site because he has stopped SM but the help I got from contacting the free helpline on the top right of this page had given me new hope.

None of us would be here if we didnt need support, there are some really good people here, have faith and stay alive. :)

  • Bjc67
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10 May 12 #329798 by Bjc67
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Back to square one as I have been hit by another bombshell.
Being my stbx is in rehab I have no contact with her. I was hoping that given her treatment to combat the addiction with alcohol she would in time come back to me.
Wrong.
Today I received a letter - "This note is to reinforce that our marriage is over. I am never coming back to you"
I am left totally devastated again.
Given I gave her unconditional love through her addiction, the lies, cunning tricks, verbal/physical abuse she leaves me with a simple letter.
Lets get the divorce sorted. No kids, thank God.
Thats the next time she hears from me.
I hope now I can recover from all this hurt.
I don''t need this pain. Why me ??

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