...and about sixty steps back. I was feeling a tad stronger but today I miss her DREADFULLY. I cannot forget what she''s done and as a person certainly don''t like her anymore but I cannot believe I''m never going to see her again.
I know how hard this bit is - head all over the place, brutal up & down emotions & not knowing what''s what.
The best advice I can give for now is to minimise contact, take care of yourself & accept that all of these emotions and the hurt, missing her etc is absolutely normal & part of the healing.
I know it''s so hard to see a way through at the moment - but we all find our way, eventually. I know how strong you have to be when your heart is screaming the opposite, but in the moments when you feel more positive, you know you''re doing the right thing.
If it''s any consolation at all, the people who do the leaving don''t do their healing in the beginning like we do - they are off into the sunset which is why is doubly heartbreaking when they became like people with stones in place of the hearts we loved. However, at some point, they have to do the grieving, same as we do & by the time that happens, we have done our hard work & are finding our new paths.
Keep strong John & just accept that the way you are feeling is normal. Be kind to yourself - you''re starting to heal - even if you can''t believe that yet.
I am with you in thought every step of the way. I''m at a very similar stage to you as you know and I am finding it incredibly hard to let go or even function properly in the day.
We don''t deserve this thats for sure but we must NOT let them cave us in. Things can only get better surely.
Will PM you later.
I remember being like that. Mind you, that was the early days. From about May - August 2006. And despite how she treated me. The desire to contact her and win her back was overwhelming. But by the time I left, November 2006, I didnt miss her at all. In fact I was glad to be gone and glad (finally) to see the back of her.
This is a phase you will go thru. Part of it is the fact that we are so dumped. And we tend to want something we cant have or shouldn''t have or is bad for us. Thats fish and chips for me..
If we contact them. That sets us back a long long way. So although you feel this is crushing you. It will be far worse if you contact her. You will get past this phase. It wont last that long. Soon you will be glad she has gone. C.
It may feel like 60 steps back but believe me (and all the others who are further through this awfulness than you) the general trend really is forward, it''s just that for along long time the steps are almost too tiny to register. Stay strong, keep up the no contact rule and recognise that no matter how often you slide backwards you will eventually make it through.
Thanks, everyone. Where has this come from, I was feeling slightly stronger. My heart feels heavy enough to drag me through the Earth to bloody Australia. I loved her with all my heart and soul and hate what she''s brought me to. The thought of all the deceit and manipulation is almost too much to take.