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One step forward...

  • yellowrose
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08 May 12 #329224 by yellowrose
Reply from yellowrose
HI John
As everyone says what you are feeling is absolutely normal. I went and am still going through the same torment. I liken it to being in Hell. The pain is unbearable at times even now but that pain lasts a shorter time now and I have finally reached a place where I am ready to let go. That is not to say that I wanted to hold on to him - I haven''t wanted that for a long time now - but I am ready to embrace my future. I am still scared of so many things but I know I am better than him, I know I deserve better than him and I know in the end I will be O.K.

I have to say I didn''t do the ''no contact'' and as such probably took longer than I needed to, to reach this stage, but for me it was the right thing. He ignored me, treated me like sh.., blamed me for eveverything, spoke to me as if I was client (remember he''s a lawyer) and so my pain was compounded over and over. Although I shouldn''t have put myself in that position it was what i thought was right. I wouldn''t change anything because for me it was a process that I needed to get through. You must decide what is right for you.

Stay true to yourself


  • julesgy
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08 May 12 #329227 by julesgy
Reply from julesgy
afternoon john

well i echo what everyone else says no matter how hard it gets - some days i just used to shut myself in the house and watch dvds , i didnt have to face anyone and the movies took my away from the hell for a short while it helped me on my darkest days.

i have to agree with yellowrose though, i didnt do the no contact thing for me it wasjust too hard i wanted answers as to why and when and everything else but now im trying it and yes its hell sometimes (yesterday he went to our daughters for a short visit and he never ever discusses ''us'' with her , my daughter knows everything (shes a young adult and lives with her partner) it hurts like hell that she has contact with him (but at the end of the day its her dad and there is nothing i can do about it ) i feel like ringing him just to hear his voice to see how hed react with me BUT NO i have to remember the hell he put me through time and time again and whata lying cheating phoney b*****d he is in real life !!!! so no i never rang which has put me through to another day of no contact :)(pat on the back to me for being strong hope it keeps up)
so think of the things that has angered you about her and that may just stop the urge to contact her for a while - so sorry for rambling on john
take care stay strong


  • leftwondering
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08 May 12 #329235 by leftwondering
Reply from leftwondering

Anytime you make contact with her you will come away feeling even worse. NOT better.
Don''t do it.
The person you knew and loved is not there anymore...only a person who looks like her.
The cruelty of her personality is that she''s known about this break up for quite a while now but just strung you along as a backup until she got everything in place for her move.
That''s the bit of her personality that you never knew about.
Not such a lovely person after all eh?
Hardly a person you would even consider as a casual friend, let alone a reliable long term partner to share the ups and downs of life with.
She''ll probably do the same with him sooner or later.
Wait and see.


  • johnt153
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10 May 12 #329722 by johnt153
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Hello all,

Back online after a maddeningly unreliable dongle has decided to start doing its job.

Feeling a bit calmer and more stable today and didn''t contact her (though ''twas a close thing). I''ve got to start healing and moving on - have to let the memories and severe lows come as they will and accept - somehow - that they will lessen in frequency and severity in time (they have to; right now they consume me so completely I''m hardly able to think about anything else - even coming to this site, bolstering though it is, is via association with her and what she''s done).

I''m not sixty steps back but one baby step forward.

Best to you all,


  • Crumpled
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10 May 12 #329735 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi John you are so right when you said one baby step forward..i think really this is what the healing process is about tiny baby steps when really we want to take monumental leaps.I am a bit further down the path than you are and you will get to a place when you have more good days than bad .You will regress at times when something triggers it but it will become less and less it just takes time...........
Please take care and remember there are lots of us here for you

  • Dazed
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10 May 12 #329758 by Dazed
Reply from Dazed
Hi John,

This is progress & although you will be up & down, realise that every tiny little step is progress in the right direction.

Take care & keep at the no contact - it really does help.

Dazed x

  • mingmong
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10 May 12 #329767 by mingmong
Reply from mingmong
Hi John

i separated in Feb this year and kept in contact almost everyday.

texting about the kids, speaking to her about the break up future etc.

She wanted the split I moved out to give her space, no third party involved so maybe its easier.

I have bad days and good days, ive got the kids this weekend so something to look forward to.

The thought of just cutting her out of my life is not normal I needed to hear her voice.

Im steadily going forward we aim to parent our kids as ateam and try to be good friends.

The testing point will be if either of us get a new partner.

I dont want her to be unhappy because she made me unhappy by leaving me.

I already did that, living with her making her life unbearable, crap with money taking her for granted, the list goes on.

we both deserve happiness, we werent made to be together, I wont let that interfere with our responsibilities to our two children.

take care mate you will get through this.


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