I have, by accident, fell upon 2 photographs of my STBX taken within the last 12 months on the internet. No I was not looking, but collating information for my case in Court. I have came upon a photograph taken a year ago to the day, more or less, of him and OW No 1 and then almost instantly stumbled upon a photo of his current No 2 in tow! (That is the number that I am aware of, but have subsequently been told that he was ''at it'' during my 20 years with him!)
Up until the events of the last few weeks I have been extremely proud of myself for holding it together and trying not to dwell on what was. The children and I have been to hell and back, even though he has more recently physically turned on my eldest son, of which the police were involved and the outcome is still pending.
Do you ever really, truly get over the hurt and pain that adultery causes as well as the animals that they turn in to? When does it end? When will the hurt stop? When will he stop parading his new women and life for all to see, without causing the children and I so much pain?
I often wonder if I am paying the price for a previous life that I am not aware of. I am so very hard trying to hold it together, but there seems to be no end in sight. As I have said before he will not be happy until he sees the children and I in the gutter!
I think I am may just be having on of those bad days!
Dear FoS, don''t let this man get you down when you have come so far. I have read so many of your posts encouraging and supporting others and you are clearly a lovely person. You deserve better than him. I don''t suppose you can completely get over the hurt that someone you thought you knew has caused you. But you can move on and you will. You are just having a bad day and who wouldn''t be seeing that?
I''m sending you hugs and lots of admiration for coming as far as you have and supporting others so much. xxx
I know how you feel and it seems we have similar ex''s in some respects.
It seems like you are doing well and then something happens and it sucks you back down. The only thing I can say is the gaps between the down days get bigger and I live for the day when they will never come back.
It will be okay - I truly believe this and karma does come round. In which case we will be fine cos our karma cups bloody well overfloweth
OMG FoS I feel exactly the same & have also just posted re the continuation of all this.
I try not to go on FB as my kids are linked to their dad & its his face as a picture, came up as "do you want to be friends" - Er no think I will pass
Not sure but think there may be an annoncement from X this wk, kids have been asked to appear on a certain night. Might be reading too much into it but I tend to do that. Wouldnt mind so much if X would just get on & sign the stuff in the CO & pay as should do - but appears he must have had the CO printed up for toilet paper as that is how he is acting with it all, leaving me to have to go to court just get get him to follow it.
Is it just me or are they allowed a life & future & we arnt - or am I just bitter (perhaps just bitter at the moment).
I would say that after what X has put me through his new woman is more than welcome to him - enjoy!!!
You read alot on here about men who have been left with nothing, all debt etc etc - well guys sometime its the other way rond you know.
Sorry am ranting, quite sure I have not helped you - sorry again in a dark place
((((FoS)))) I know the revelations really hurt but think the more we know about the character we''re dealing with the better. I hadn''t a clue as to the real man I shared my life with for more than 20 years. How foolish is that?
Your stbx wasn''t the person you thought he was either but with each revelation you are getting close to the real person. You can deal with that. You''ve dealt with worse. Add it to your dossier of the man he is now. He can''t hurt you any more than he already has.
What he did to his son I hope he will be answerable for and don''t imagine for one moment his friends/croneys will admire him for it.
Wrap yourself in the love of your children and whatever he does won''t penetrate that.
One day he will be a distant memory. Just hang on in there and keep walking. Friends are here for you. xx
These things can happen to either sex.
What you have to understand is that everybody has different values and beliefs.
So when you or your spouse decide to divorce, some people turn into monsters showing all the nasty stuff that you didn''t see before because you were too busy wearing those rose-tinted glasses.
However some people will face up to their responsibilites and sort out an amicable agreement or arrangement with their stbx.
Some people also take into consideration of the impact their actions have on their children.
I don''t think we can generalise as we only tend to be involved with our own unique situations.
I would lastly say, after still going through the mill despite being divorced, I can be the best I can with the values I have and take responsibility of myself and my children to the best of my ability.
All the issues/problems/merde/shocks/news that I receive about my ex is beyond my control.
When you realise you are glad you are not with that person you can start to see a way forward in your life, the life you can truly make your own.
Wishing the best to everyone who is in a difficult situation, yes, even my ex who has more problems than me due to his behaviour and actions.