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Exhausted

  • fairylandtime
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08 May 12 #329265 by fairylandtime
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Hi all - was going to have a "rant" at a family member but thought better of it & thought better on here - advice welcome

It is over 2 years now since my divorce but things just seem to be going downhill, friends & family dont seem to notice & think I should be ok & just get on with it but I cannot seem to move forward.

To family - If you haven’t noticed, & I know that you haven’t, I am really struggling at the moment to try & keep things going:

Financially – family response – get over it you get paid far too much anyway

Emotionally (with X being such an ass & not signing, paying as he should) –– FR - it’s been 2 years get over it

Work wise (as in too much to do & actually not sure if I can do the job itself in part) – FR – well if you cannot do the job that’s your problem & get another (as if they are so easy to come by)

Home life with kids - – FR – get on with it & you are not hard enough / good enough – they have a point here, I know I am not hard enough but when I am told by kids that dad is drunk by 12 in the afternoon then I do try & overcompensate.

I get the feeling - Basically stop moaning (all these have been said above).

I am tired stressed & don’t picture my life as rosy as family appear to picture it, & ok a little self-pitying – because after 2 years I thought it would be all over & I would be able to Get on with it but it seems not the case & actually I feel worse now than in the beginning (at least I had the adrenaline to take me through then – this seems to have left me now & I am exhausted.)

Just doing mudane things like ironing, working etc etc feels just too much for me & then I find I have forgoten something & feel really angry with myself.

Also X might be telling kids he is getting married again this week - just all adds to it realy, I feel in complete limbo, strugling to keep up with payments, hosework, work - is this it for the rest of my life :(If so not sure I want to carry on.

Sorry to rant - not sure if I feel better now or not, just so so fed up.

JJ :(

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08 May 12 #329269 by WhiteRose
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HUGS!!

You sound like your doing a terrific job and yes the mundane stuff drags you down. instead of the family member saying Get on with it and not being much of an emotional support - maybe they could offer practical help?

Could they have the kids for a few days - or even a day to allow you some free time?

Maybe they can come round and help you out (ironing, cooking etc.) just having someone do a chore for you can lift a weight sometimes!

Take care

WR

  • gotmysmile
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08 May 12 #329276 by gotmysmile
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fairyland - I could have written that post. :(
But the reality is YOU ARE DOING BRILLIANTLY under such extreme stress. You ARE keeping it going and holding it together.

But I do know how you feel, the funny thing was I came on here tonight to write such a similar post but you and FOS have beaten me to it - and somehow that makes me feel better. I am not the only one.

And seeing you doing all that makes me realise that I can too. These days will be over soon enough and we''ll look back and laugh (or in my case a cackle as I am a bitter witch today apparently - thanks EXH!)

(((((hugs)))))

GMS

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08 May 12 #329278 by flowerofscotland
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Hi fairylandtime,

I get it, gee whiz, I really do. The exhaustion of the day to day hum drum of parenthood, whilst they chase the next big thing. Ohh I know it so well!

I often say to myself, "Is this it, is this what I signed up for?" but on the grand scale of things I would not swap my children for all the tea in China, I am sure you will agree they are the one and only real and true love of your life!

Try and stay focused and calm, he will get his comeuppance, one day, and by that time you will be in a much better place, having learned the lessons and be the much stronger and reliable person than he could ever be!

I am a great believer in never underestimate the power of a mother''s love. (That goes out to the father''s in our shoes too!)

You will get through this and remember no matter what, baby steps, one day at a time! That is, regardless of how much water has passed under the bridge. I know how much for us all it still hurts!

Take care for now and keep strong my friend! FoS x

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08 May 12 #329280 by insane
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those who judge and advise you do not have to walk in your shoes... however it sounds to me like you are doing a fantastic job, yes it may be the mundane stuff dragging you down but you are blessed with home job children and im sure wouldnt have it any other way , try to be kinder on yourself as my son reminded me today when you took this responsibility on you were under the impression it was a joint venture co parenting mortgage etc i also get down but i consider myself blessed as i know however difficult i can hold my head up and know i am doing my best as im sure you can ((hugs)) hope you feel better soon also if these feelings dont pass go and speak to your g.p there are other forms of help available to you councelling etc

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08 May 12 #329300 by fairylandtime
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Oh Thank you all

No I wouldn’t change it really, even though Eldest has just given me the speech of how hard his life is & why his untidy room is the last of his priorities - Because . . . wait for it . . . & I quote "I can walk over the clothes on the floor" !!! LOL :laugh:- Love him to bits - suppose he''s right really.

Have I got my priorities right - one wonders.: dry:

I just have to keep reminding myself that it is so much better now than it was, & it is - & not to get bitter cos X just seems to have walked away from all responsibilities, because TBH deep down that is what I expected & what has happened.

Thanks again, I know one day it will be over, the house will be sorted, the finances paid & work will be easier (perhaps) & kids will be well educated, nice, thoughtful, not narcissistic adults.

JJx

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08 May 12 #329308 by Lostboy67
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fairylandtime wrote:

Eldest has just given me the speech of how hard his life is & why his untidy room is the last of his priorities - Because . . . wait for it . . . & I quote "I can walk over the clothes on the floor" !!! LOL :laugh:- Love him to bits - suppose he''s right really.


Just smile and tell hin quietly...son you make the most of this because if you think your life is hard now you just wait, it don''t get any easier than this...

LB

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