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Feeling sad

  • blonde cazza
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11 May 12 #329889 by blonde cazza
Topic started by blonde cazza
For the first time in a long time i feel sad and worried...
Ive had 5hrs sleep and im wide awake but had the worst dream ever but its not just a dream its reality...
Ive given 20 years to my ex and long term hes finanally ok...me well im worrying myself sick how long term im going to pay bills,maintan the house...silly things like replace stuff...carpets, bathroom,kitchen etc etc and more importanly pay the bills in 7 years time..
Life is creul because i know im going to have to retrain long term tobe able to earn enough money then leave a job i love!
My ex will stay in the same job no major job chnages for him..and when i put a simple thing like for him to pick his son up from school on arrangements form...all he said was i cant get to his school in time for when school finishes...well bully for him he should try my life juggling picking up a child with working being extremly worried about the future...with absolutely no help from him...think im going to have a bad day! :(
He told me yesterday he has no money to reapiar a bike for his son so now thats another 90 pounds to find...he earns 2477 a month...i get 1450 with tax credits etc etc...its just not fair!

  • flowerofscotland
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11 May 12 #329891 by flowerofscotland
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Hi blonde cazza,

I am sorry you are feeling anxious and worried. That happens to all of us on a daily basis, coming to terms with the financial implications and demands of bills etc is very difficult to adjust to.

From this process I learned that so many wives/mother''s (and some Dad''s too) give up careers to be a housewife (hardest job in the world raising a family), but when everything goes to the wall, you often see that the men have little adjustments to make.

In my case my STBX has just walked away, ''taken'' all our assets(that''s another story) and has no financial responsibility for his children (other than £5.50 per child per day), my children eat more than that at lunchtimes! So I do understand your frustrations, especially if you have been left by X for OW, it is hard to come to terms that they are far more financially better off than we will ever be, it''s just not fair.

Where you have to draw strength is to look at re-training as a positive, not a negative and take the responsibility on to try and change things for the better. Let your X walk away, but it will forever haunt him that he has told lies about not being able to afford to help you with your son''s bike etc. He has to live with that, not you.

If I could put a warning on a wedding day, it would be to say to most women (and men if applicable), try and keep some kind of career going during your marriage if you can, as you just never know when you will be independent again!

Stay strong!

Take care for now FoS x

  • johnt153
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11 May 12 #329892 by johnt153
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Hi Cazza,

Nope, it''s not fair by any standard. But as I''m slowly coming to accept, their very actions attest that they''re inherently unfair people without morals or commitment. Like you, I''m currently looking to retrain as my business has failed despite working myself stupid these past few years, and it''s a daunting prospect; looking for funding? - May''s well try applying directly to God.

Chin up; the start of a new day (yes, the stomach is already churning but I won''t let it stop me from doing the things I have to do. Correction - I won''t let her. And don''t you let him, either :)).


  • raybird
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11 May 12 #329898 by raybird
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hi blonde cazza, i feel them same at the moment, i wrote a blog yesterday about struggling financially. it does get to me that hes living the high life while im struggling, but were the ones that will be stronger for it, i hope, ive got another job, your retraining, we ll be ok in the end, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • perin123
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11 May 12 #329909 by perin123
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I think a lot of people on here are worrying about finances, me included.

My ex pays £0 for our son, claims he has no money, but he''s getting married and having a wedding reception and party, has just bought a new huge TV and a new guitar, along with goodness knows what else! And yet he had no money for a pair of trainers for his son when I asked....

If he can live with a non existent conscience then fine, I know I will do everything in my power to support my son, no matter what I have to sacrifice.

Chin up, we''re all behind you. xxxx

  • Marshy_
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11 May 12 #329913 by Marshy_
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Hi BC. Life is tough right? Esp when what has happened is not what you expected. Mum''s take a back seat career wise when they marry and essentially keep house and look after the kids. And if a divorce happens, they lose out. While the man, he has an established career and he can just start again as he has the money.

But 7 years is a long time in this game. You never know what will happen. You could retrain and find a killer job that you love even more than you do now.

Bottom line is that life has changed for you. And we have to roll with it. You will be allright. Try not to worry as worrying doesnt do you a lot of good. But if you do retrain and you find a good job, what you earn is yours. U wont have to depend on the ex. Which is a good thing right? C.

  • Sunshine10
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11 May 12 #329919 by Sunshine10
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Hi Cazza
I know how you feel. I can worry for England and can''t help but look ahead at problems, especially financial, which lay ahead.
I never gave up work when I had my kids, I really wanted to but x put so much pressure on me not to. So I ended up having two full time jobs because he never helped with the house or kids. Even though I have a good job, its still doesn''t bring in enough to maintain mine and my kids life without change.

How old is your son? Is he old enough to understand that you are all going to have to make adjustments? I''m trying to explain that to my ten year old and its hard and it hurts. It hurts because this isn''t what we want for our kids and on top of the personal hurt, it feels like we have been robbed.

Seven years is a long time and its enough time for you to rebuild your life for yourself and your son into something wonderful. Keep positive xx

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