2 days now without crying......

Familiarise yourself with my story

www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice...other-statistic.html


Hi

Since my break up in Feb I have felt so low,
Had tension headaches since the day she told me she no longer loved me.
Refused anti depressants I can do this !!!
My stbx and I are amicable in the split no third party,
Money wise and kids are sorted houses and living arrangements too.
She wants a divorce, partition in the post!

I have cried everyday since the split, apart from yesterday and today
When I see her I want to hold and hug her so much.
When we pick kids up from each others houses she acts so cool as if nothing has happened.

I''m in bits I keep asking her where she''s been what shees doing and with who!
She simply tells me!! But she admits it''s non of my business.
I want to show her I can love her properly this time and be the man she expected me to be!

But I feel like a complete failure, I feel she takes pity on me.
I can''t get out if this yearning for her affection!

I think I might be depressed but I don''t want tablets.
I want to be strong, yet 24hrs a day she is on my mind.
Any pointers would be most welcoming.

Nigel.

Sorry can not offer advice but i am in the same boat as you and it is bloody hard to cope. My wife left me 6 days ago and i cry everyday and in a trance most of the time. It is hard to let go but let go we must boy this torture. I wish tou the best my friend.

mingmong wrote:

Refused anti depressants I can do this !!!
....
I think I might be depressed but I don''t want tablets.
I want to be strong, yet 24hrs a day she is on my mind.
Any pointers would be most welcoming.

Nigel.

Hi Nigel,
I''ll be direct....if you think you might be depressed then there''s a 99.9% that you are. I felt that way about a year ago. I was like you and for a long time I thought I could handle it, I was strong enough...
BUT one day it just all came crashing down, as a result I came very close to losing my job. Fortunatly very much in the nick of time (very nearly too late) I sought help for depression, both anti-depressants and therapy and it has worked well for me. I have to say calling the doctor to get help was the hardest thing I have ever done, but also the best, remember depression is an illness not a weakness.
You get no prizes for refusing the pills and ending up licking windows. Depression is an illness like any other and there are treatments for it. If you broke a leg would you refuse to have it set in plaster ? I am guessing no.
With regard to ADs, they are not happy-pills that view of them is frankly ignorant, I found at my lowest I simply was not able to make rational reasoned thoughts and descisions, and the ADs helped to restores some of that ability. Coupled with talking therapies (CBT) I was able to recover. If, and I would urge you to reconcider your approach, you go for the ADs don''t expect overnight results they can take a couple of months to really kick in.
If you want to PM me to discuss depression etc please do.

Take care
LB

Go for the ADs and any other help your GP can arrange, mate. The stiff upper lip and soldiering through bit is a pile of sh*te. Just because we have male genitalia doesn''t mean we don''t feel. I feel a lot and am hence on ADs, and I used to box. Be the bigger man and accept that you need help.

John.

Why don''t you want drugs? You might need help and there might be a way to get it. Don''t just accept any drugs without thought though. Talk to the pros and figure it out. This is important stuff!

My advice is to focus on you first. Take care of you. Be patient with you. Love yourself fully and completely (including the flaws). Have you ever committed to taking good care of yourself? To putting your interests first? This is not natural for most people. Now is the time for you.

This crisis could be transformational for you. You can come out of this a better man. More emotionally aware. More in tune with who you are. That''s huge. It also will get you on the path to happiness. But it takes time and A LOT of work. Hard work. The really interesting thing though, for me anyway, is that as I have done this work people notice. Especially women. Turns out that it''s quite attractive. How about that.

So yes, focus on you. Make your life awesome. You can do it. But be patient and kind to yourself for now.

I did not take anti depressants. I don''t have a view either way on them really, but I knew that was not for me.

I was depressed at the end of my marriage, did the questionnaire and everything. But I did not go it alone. I had the support of an amazing counsellor and saw her weekly. So in that sense my condition was monitored and I did exactly what my counsellor told me to. To the letter.

I got the usual advice, no alcohol. Plenty of exercise and good nutrition. Google the benefits of omega 3 and 6 i think (from memory), basically fish oils diet supplements in combating depression. I took these and was amazed at the difference it made to my low mood. There is a lot of research to support this.

So whatever approach you choose and some have ADs and counselling, please just make sure you have some kind of intervention and depression is not a weakness, it is a condition that does not always go away on its own.

i took lostboys advice, went to the dr, have now been on ADs since 2nd jan, have gone from 1 monthly to 2 monthly check ups, i no they are helping me a great deal, but there not for every one, take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx