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What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.

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When does the crying phase start to reside.

  • juwelkeeper
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15 May 12 #330574 by juwelkeeper
Topic started by juwelkeeper
Only 9 days in but the crying seems to be getting worse. I really am finding it hard to stop crying and well up almost continually. Trying to be strong but it don''t last much more than a few minutes them i am off again.

  • donkler
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15 May 12 #330579 by donkler
Reply from donkler
Hi Mate

It took me a while when my wife did one, I cant recall how long i cried for but I felt down for a good few months, and still do now on occasions.

Theres no answer to your question im afraid - everyone is different but its part of the healing process, its making you better, and its something you need to go through, as bad as it all is.

I found talking helps tremendously if you can talk to a family member or mate perhaps?

Has she not spoken to you since she went?

  • juwelkeeper
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15 May 12 #330581 by juwelkeeper
Reply from juwelkeeper
we have children so we have to text but that just brings back all the memories again.

  • Crumpled
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15 May 12 #330582 by Crumpled
Reply from Crumpled
Hi I am so sorry that you have found yourself here but you will get lots of support.
I cant really answer the crying question personally i couldnt even get out of bed for the first few weeks , things do gradually get better if you havent done so already it may be worth going to see your gp and arranging counselling which I have found to be a lifesaver I was put on anti depressants which although i am not a pill taker and hated taking them they did help me to get over the worst bit I have since taken myself off them (I am no a year down the line)so you dont have to be on them forever.
It is so hard coping with all of this but keep posting on here because so many of us are in the same boat and we truly do understand what you are going through.

  • Bjc67
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15 May 12 #330584 by Bjc67
Reply from Bjc67
Hello Mate
Firstly take strength from the fact that you are not alone out there. My wife too did one some 5 weeks ago so I know from personal experience exactly what you are going through.
It is almost indescribeable the roller coaster of emotions that go through your head.
Even in this very early stage for me I do feel it easing slightly, very very slightly. Dont look at days ahead I take each hour as it comes.
The old cliche, keep busy does work.
My stbx has played a few mind games with me by letting me see her 2 weeks after she left (she is now in rehab for alcoholism) and gave me hope for a reconcilliation then a week later a letter arrives to say our marriage is over etc etc.
Then she rings me a week after that asking if I had received the letter !!!!
If I can cope with that lot then there is hope for us all.
Please get on here whenever you feel you need support as fellow Wikis have given me tons of help and inspiration.
Even if you read other posts of people in similar situations as to yourself on here, some at varying levels on this horrendous journey of recovery it does prove that it does get better.
That too helps massively.
Lastly I keep asking myself the question ''Is she worrying about me right now, not sleeping or eating yearning for her to be with me again'' Answer for sure is NO !
Puts it all into perspective.

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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15 May 12 #330604 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl

My heart goes out to you, don''t worry about the tears, they can be cathartic, what you need most right now is support. Lean on your friends, true friends will not mind about your tears, they will let you talk, they will help you to get through this.

As other posters have said, we are all on this site because we are going through the same thing. I was nervous of posting when I found the site but soon realised, by reading other peoples experiences, that we feel each others hurt.

I would also urge you to go to your GP, mine was a tower of strength, he also refereed me to a community psychiatric nurse and between them I came out the other side with the courage to face life again.

I was with my ex H for 35 years, he was my only intimate partner ever, I cried for weeks and still shed them when things get difficult. The loss of your cherished relationship is the same as grieving the death of a loved one, give your self time.

We are all different so our reactions are different, take things slowly, hour by hour if necessary. Try to concentrate on the essentials like eating, seeing friends, looking after yourself, I promise the sun will shine again for you.

Big hugs

  • juwelkeeper
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15 May 12 #330606 by juwelkeeper
Reply from juwelkeeper
Its when you look at the kids and remember the times we went out as a family and had some fantastic times as a family. Now that has all been swept away just like that. And silly things she used to do and knowing she will never walk through that door again talking about work or our friends planning trips and holding each other. Its tearing me apart ,and seeing my youngest boy looking so down is a killer it really pulls at your heart strings. I try to talk and comfort him but it is so hard knowing what to say to him.

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