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will I ever be happy again?

  • yellowrose
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26 May 12 #333121 by yellowrose
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I''ve filled and painted the rotting windows. I''ve planted the pots with summer plants. The sun is shining. And I''m absolutely miserable. I have dreaded the weather changing because it just brings home how alone I now am whilst my bas..rd ex is away for the weekend with his sl.g. He never took me away at weekends.
I just wish I could sustain some sort of happiness but I can''t.

  • julie321
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26 May 12 #333123 by julie321
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Yellowrose I kone how you feel. We never went away either but it is defferent for OW. I am three years down the line and wonder if I will ever be truly happy. I have good periods and bad but never fell happy as such.

I can''t offer much comfort but hopefully someone who is happy now can shine some light for you. Wishing you all the best.

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26 May 12 #333129 by jjones123
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I''m two and a half years in and I''ve been through a pretty tough journey. My ex (who I would have laid down my life for) started to see someone else and suddenly I had to leave the MFH (for my own sanity), live in a tiny rented room on an inflatable matress for a year and know that I was going to be without a job.

Everything has changed: I''m settled in a new house, living in a totally different area and I''ve got a totally different job. I now view the past through the lens of the present which I''ve done a huge amount to change.

I''m now happier than I was when I was married. The only reason is that I''ve put a huge amount of work into doing things that are totally outside my comfort zone. My sense of wellbeing comes from increased levels of confidence knowing that I''ve done stuff that I never thought I would ever do. Plus, I believe I''m on a path where I''m going to do more fun stuff in the future.

True, there are times when I feel a bit lonely, but then there are other times when I think my ability to do the stuff that I want to do is empowering, so I don''t get down for too long - mostly when I''m tired, it seems.

I''ve come to hold the view that happiness isn''t easy. For me, it is entwined with accomplishment and pushing boundaries. This said, I''ve had these days that are just ''sad'' days, and that''s okay - I''ve viewed it as my brain taking a breather, getting ready for the next set of changes that are on the horizon.

Best,
JJ x

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26 May 12 #333131 by Crumpled
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Hi remember you are not alone you have friends here who will listen and support you it is a horrible rollercoaster of emotions and sadly i dont think there is an easy way to get through it only time and emotional distance from your ex and his horrible behaviour ....
I truly know what you are feeling.. been there ....still there got the t shirt (i too wish i didnt though!!)

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26 May 12 #333136 by pixy
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I''m not quite as far through as JJ but endorse all he says. I worked really hard for the first year after leaving the FMH at rebuilding my life then suddenly some sort of divorce fatigue set in and nowadays I''m taking it a lot easier.

But - I can don what I like when I like, I no longer have to worry about upsetting my stbx by wanting to do unreasonable things like going out for a coffee or a meal let alone the cinema, a concert or the theatre. My life is not lived fearing to tread on eggshells. My money is mine to manage or waste as I please; it doesn''t fund his latest craze or the copious amounts of alcohol he needed to get through the day.

Being newly single is frightening, but if you put effort in, push the boundaries and are determined to enjoy it, then it does become liberating. Our exes have destroyed our old lives; that doesn''t mean we have to allow them to destroy the rest of it.

  • Marshy_
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26 May 12 #333161 by Marshy_
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Hi YR
yellowrose wrote:

I just wish I could sustain some sort of happiness but I can''t.


Happiness comes from within. No one can make you happy. Only you can do that.

I try and see wonders in everything. A bee buzzin around a flower. Water flowing in a stream. U name it, there are wonders all around. Even the fillin you did is amazing. Think how far you have come?

Sure he is takin his sl** away. But think of it this way? Would you want to be taken away by the saddo of an ex? Nope. U can take yrself away.

This process is not easy. Esp when you have been chucked to one side. But believe me when I say, you are the winner. And you are lucky. I know it dont seem like it now. But he is someone elses problem now. U are free or you soon will be to explore whats out there. Its a huge world with lots and lots of things to explore and all the great things you are gona do. All this out for just you. So, in the end, you will one day realise that this was meant to be. C.

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26 May 12 #333165 by sillywoman
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Marshy is so so so right.

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