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  • blonde cazza
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30 May 12 #333956 by blonde cazza
Topic started by blonde cazza
Does anybody else worry about what the future holds for them?
I keep looking long term and am worried sick.
I work part time 20 hrs but over 5 days.I realise long term that i will have to go back ful time in order to meet my financial needs which scares the hell out of me as will have to retrain etc.
I see my long term picture and the picture of my ex and his on seems quite rosy compared to mine.
I may own a house but my parents have passed away and to be honest id rather have them here to help me through this:(.
I have learnt never to be reliant on anyone and this year im going to give this year the summer to get my fitness levels back up...then next years think long term to what i want to do!
I see my family as a big mess and my ex has put me through hell through the divorce and im not sure why as there is no third party involved.
I would of thought my ex being divorced already would of put me through less pain but oh not i think ive bore the brunt of both divorces...
He has now offered to take our son to hospital but its never straight forward with him he changes the goalposts and wants more in return...control i think..

  • scaryspice
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30 May 12 #333958 by scaryspice
Reply from scaryspice
Hi BC ,
I did worry at the beginning , mainly because of being lonely and not having anyone to share my life with .But 6 months on I don''t worry anymore ,we can''t know what will happen ,so why worry ?
I am lucky in that I have 2 wonderful children to concentrate on and a supportive family and good friends .
The joke is I spoke to my STBX a few months ago and he said that HE was scared of the future !!
He has lost everything ,his dignity ,respect from his family and friends and especially the kids ,and only has Her.
It may not be as rosy as you are led to believe for your ex.
Get out of your comfort zone and you will make yourself proud.

  • stukadivebomber
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30 May 12 #333962 by stukadivebomber
Reply from stukadivebomber

Still trying to work out the differences between "being alone", & being "lonely":S

Similarly, there''s a fine line between ''not relying'' on others, & not trusting anybody!

Friends & family should be there to provide the stability while you get to the other side.
If you''re a bit short of friends & family, ...it''s tough:unsure:

It sounds like you''ve got a plan alreadyB)
Yes, have forced myself out of the comfort zone too:) :dry:

  • revenge
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30 May 12 #333967 by revenge
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Take each day as it comes. If you get through the day good or bad you have got through it. A year on since my husband left I have a cry at some point in the day, I still can''t believe he left. I don''t feel lonely I feel empty. I''ve had holidays and weekends away with my sisters and enjoyed them, it''s not the same as going with my husband, what really hurts is knowing he''s doing the same with ow. Funny thing is he takes her to places we used to go. It''s true we can''t worry about the future as we don''t know what it holds. I miss my husband so much and it''s hard knowing he doesn''t feel the same about me. I have talked so much to others since he left and there are so many people in my position. I will probably have to look for a job retrain at the age of 52, while he earns a 5 figure sum amonth and lives with ow who works, the worry for me is not being able to have the lifestyle we shared together, but I have to go on. Don''t worry about things you can''t do anything about, and take control of the situation I have sat back and he has pulled the strings but not anymore. The more you talk the quicker you get by, I have apologised to family and friends for going on about my split and they all say that''s what they are there for.

  • afonleas
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30 May 12 #333968 by afonleas
Reply from afonleas
Morning bc
Like yourself i was wracked with worry how i would cope but 6 mths later i''m still here,
As scareyspice ex, mine also lost everything only thing he has is a car which is on finance and a trollop to share his life and she is in a shedload of debt,but material thing are nothing when you lose all your self respect what do you have?nothing.
I have 2 amazing daughters who inspire me,make me laugh,support me and sometimes reign me in when i lose it a little yes it is hard we cannot deny that but it made me appreciate what is important in my life and it certainly is not him.
They all seem to think the grass is greener but if the truth be told not always defo not in my ex case his biggest loss is the respect of hisdaughters who will never forgive him.
I thought i would not manage financially but shock to the system doing great,actually alot better than him and he earns for more than me,at times lonely but pick up the phone or switch computer on there is always someone to talk to so the lonliness now fading.
I am me and you are you we are only here once it is not a dress rehearsal and we deserve a good life so we all have to grab what we can and enjoy,only don''t hurt any poor souls out there along the way.
Your life will get better i promise i''m a great believer in karma so what goes around have a good day thinking of you
love and welsh cwtches to you xx:)

  • Marshy_
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30 May 12 #333979 by Marshy_
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Hi BC. Most of us worry about the future. I did when this all started. My ex used to say, "arnt you excited?" No I used to say and yes I was worried. I was 50 at the time and I thought I am going to be alone and forked.

All my mates are divorced. Its like the cast away club by the sea. But we have all done alright. Ok none of us are rich in money terms. But we are rich in other ways.

If my time machine wasnt on the blink I could take you forwards a couple of years and show you yr future. It wont be like you think it will be. Mine isnt. Some people say "ohh well you are the Marsh, you was always going to be ok". I can tell you that I am a regular guy with regular problems like everyone else. My milk goes off. The freezer packs up and the train is late sometimes. Just like everyone else. I dont live a charmed life. You could pass me in the street and you wouldnt know..

But its not easy starting again. I wont lie to you. You will have to do some work. But yr starting out with a posission of streanghth. You are a woman and women always fair better then men do. Cos they dont fanny around like men do. I used to go out with a lady that went on a car repair course and she would do her own car servicing. And once, when we were out, her car started messing about and she was straight under the bonnet and fixed it. All it takes is a desire to do the things yr man used to do. You can have kids. So why not sort a car out or a bit of plumbing or whatever. There is nothing you cant do. Believe me. And there are plenty of women on this site that will attest to this. Go sister!!!

Of course being able to change an oil filter is not all this is about. Things will have to change. You have already admited that you will have to re-train and do more hours. Being honest, this is pretty much a certanty. And this is where men score over women. They are already doing the hours and have the training. You have some catching up todo. You have a brain and you have a gob. Use them to good effect and there is no reason why in perhaps a couple of years you could be earning a decent wedge and you wont need to rely on anyone.

I know this all sounds far fetched. Yea right I can here you saying. Who the feck are you trying to kid Mr Marsh with your do goody good bull*hit. I aint sh*tting you at all. This is yours. If you want it that is. Of course you could collapse in a heap. Stay in bed all day and curl up in a ball. But that aint right and you wont get nothing being that way. You have to fight for every thing you get. Every single inch. But you can do it. Its yrs for the taking. All you need to do is wanting it badly enough. C.

  • pixy
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30 May 12 #333983 by pixy
Reply from pixy
As everyone else has said, the grass may look greener froma distance but it probably isn''t closer up. You need to stop thinking about them and think more about yourself. Your future is in your hands and it will be what you make it. No, it won''t be easy, but you just have to keep looking for the positives.

You might need to re-train? Well why be scared sh*tless? Think of the positives. You will learn new skills, you will prove to yourself that you can do it and your self esteem will be awesome.

Embrace your future - the day you stop learning and doing new things is the day you die.

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