A well respected, award winning social enterprise
Volunteer run - Government and charity funded
We help 50,000 people a year through divorce

01202 805020

Lines open: Monday to Friday 9am-5pm
Call for FREE expert advice & service info


What are we each entitled to in our divorce settlement?

What does the law say about how to split the house, how to share pensions and other assets, and how much maintenance is payable.

What steps can we take to reach a fair agreement?

The four basic steps to reaching an agreement on divorce finances are: disclosure, getting advice, negotiating and implementing a Consent Order.

What is a Consent Order and why do we need one?

A Consent Order is a legally binding document that finalises a divorcing couple's agreement on property, pensions and other assets.


Do you need help sorting out a fair financial settlement?

Our consultant service offers expert advice and support to help you reach agreement on a fair financial settlement quickly, and for less than a quarter of the cost of using a traditional high street solicitor.


Worry

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
30 May 12 #333992 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
I have to....

pixy wrote:

As everyone else has said, the grass may look greener froma distance but it probably isn''t closer up. You need to stop thinking about them and think more about yourself.

Embrace your future - the day you stop learning and doing new things is the day you die.


Second what Pixy said. Its yr future. I know its scary. But thats cos you dont know what the future holds. We are always learning. It wasnt that long ago that I couldnt dice an onion. Now I fra gras on toast. How life changes :P

We all focus on what the ex is doing and how they appear to have it all. But life is never like that. No one has all the eggs. He will only have some of them. Like you do. But think of life as a poker game. You could have a good hand or a bad hand. But many a poker game has been won with a bad hand. You just have to make the best of what you have. If you have feck all, then the only way is up sister. C.

  • jar of hearts
  • jar of hearts's Avatar
  • Elite Member
  • Elite Member
More
31 May 12 #334403 by jar of hearts
Reply from jar of hearts
I too have been worrying about the future. I now have the final settlement after two years in and out of the court and thousands of wasted legal fees. Was I a winner in the court? definately not. I have been awarded enough to buy a house in a very poor area and not large enough for myself and my children without them sharing rooms and using the dining room. I could get a slightly larger house if a have the main Edinburgh train line running through the postage stamp garden. I will have very little income and at 51 will have to retrain having been out of the job market for twenty years. I have no money to buy a car and my ex has all the valuables we bought over our marriage. He has enough money when joined with his mortgage capacity to buy the very flat he wanted in an expensive area, with two bedrooms and two bathrooms, whilst five of us live with one bathroom.

The thing is after a week of being down and worrying, I have told myself that I should now start to look at the positives. I have four lovely daughters who are stimulating, loving, caring and at the very start of their adult lives. These girls choose to be with me and to be away from their father. I have a new partner who is the most loving and supportive and, unlike my ex, normal man alive I have friends who care about me and I care about them. I have brothers who love me and I have a future. OK it may not be a rich future financially, but I am very rich in love and companionship. My ex may have the money but he has no contact from my spectacular children, no friends to speak of, a job he hates and no one to share his life with and no prospect of finding anyone either.

I know which position I would rather be in, but it has taken a while to work it out in my own head. You have positives too and and should be dwelling on those, rather than the minor inconveniences that are bothering you now. Tell yourself that the money and the struggle for a job are just an opportunity to prove yourself, and not to him or anyone else, but to yourself. Take your future in both hands and enjoy it whatever it brings.

  • Yummy_Mummy
  • Yummy_Mummy's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
01 Jun 12 #334589 by Yummy_Mummy
Reply from Yummy_Mummy
Dear Cazza,

Please do not despair. I really can relate to everything you have written.

Please stay strong and I can understand your anguish.

You know where I am. I would be happy to listen and help if I can...so call me.

Holding your hand and a big (((((((Cazza))))))))

DummmyMummy X

  • sun flower
  • sun flower's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Jun 12 #334630 by sun flower
Reply from sun flower
All such good advice from those who have worn that well washed, slightly tatty t shirt in their battle weary way.

I just thought I would add a couple of things. Marshy is right (as ever) we girls have to pick ourselves up, learn a bit of girl power - but not all at once!

So if you need a duvet day - to hide under the downey and cry now and then - that''s fine from time to time - as long as we don''t make it a habit - but be your best friend - give yourself a break, and say that''s what you need today, you will be stronger tomorrow.

Then - don''t try to run before you can walk - tiny little steps - in the order of need to be dealt with first - fire fighting at this stage - was HAS to be done today - and just do that - we can''t do it all at once.

One of the hardest things I find is making all of the decisions re the hardest thing in my life, on my own. If in doubt - sleep on it for three nights - let it cook in it''s own juices for a few days, and the decision is somehow made - sometimes - or the need for it has passed! It doesn''t always work - but when I panic it''s as good a plan of action as any.

And we will get there - be the super strong woman Marshy knows we can be....but one small step at a time until we get better at it. Remember How do you eat an elephant? Break it down and eat one elephant burger at a time - baby steps - this is probably the biggest challenge of our lives at at time when we feel at our worst....and we can do it ....it''s ok to cry along the way...one day we will find our smile again.

I was relieved when another poster said she still cried every day after a year...I was like that too - and I think it took me about 21 months to stop crying over loss of ex and daughter - (I think that is what about killed me - but it didn''t - I''m still here - and like you I value my lovely son.)

And getting out to actually meet other lovely wikis had been a huge thing for me...the thought is terrifying - and they turn out to not be monsters but lovely kind caring supportive people (so far!). It makes me feel less alone and helps me see the stupidity and selfishness of the leaver for what it is - rather than me thinking it is all my fault because I am a failure of a human being.

Big hugs. sc

  • sun flower
  • sun flower's Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Jun 12 #334675 by sun flower
Reply from sun flower
PS I raise a toast to Marshy''s fois gra on toast!

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Jun 12 #334681 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi JOH.

jar of hearts wrote:

Take your future in both hands and enjoy it whatever it brings.


Totaly agree. Many think that money is wealth. Its not.

Any of us could make a million. Or 10 billion. Money is just a reward for something. But money only goes so far. It wont buy you health. Ok at a minimum it will but get sick, and I mean really sick and see how far money goes? Christopher Reeve had all the money in the world. And it never ultimately saved his life. To be healthy means you are truly blessed. Thats all you need really.

Its your future and yr empty canvas. Now is yr chance to paint that picture that is your future how you want. Armed with all the lessons you have learned and the experience you have gained. Many think that divorce is the end of something. Its not. Its the start of something. So enjoy. Your a long time dead. And now is yr time to really shine. C.

  • Marshy_
  • Marshy_'s Avatar
  • Platinum Member
  • Platinum Member
More
02 Jun 12 #334682 by Marshy_
Reply from Marshy_
Hi Scary..

scaryclairie wrote:

we girls have to pick ourselves up, learn a bit of girl power


You dont need to learn any girl power. You already know it on account that you are girls. But you do need to pick yrself up and gain the confidence to use that power that you have.

Girls (and by that I mean women) are the most powerful things on this planet. And I am not just saying that to get into yr Mk1 Marks and sparx. I mean it. I get slagged off a lot for saying that. But its true. The problem that women dont have that men do have is confidence. Men have that in bucket loads. Women? They dont believe that they can do anything. But see a women that has learned a few things and she is unstopable.

But I hate women in a way. Thats why I take my revenge out on them almost every week. Try this guys and get your revenge. When yr shopping next time, pick up a lemon and squeeze it. Smell the end and put it back and turn yr nose up. See a women do the same thing :silly:

But joking aside. If all of womenkind one day woke and realised what they have, they would take over in a day. But Ssshhh. Dont tell any of them ;)C.

Moderators: wikivorce teamrubytuesdaydukeyhadenoughnowTetsSheziLinda SheridanForsetiMitchumWhiteRoseLostboy67WYSPECIALBubblegum11

The modern, convenient and affordable way to divorce.

No-Fault Divorce £179

We provide the UK's lowest cost no-fault divorce service, managed by a well respected firm of solicitors. 


Online Mediation £250

Online mediation is a convenient and inexpensive way to agree on a fair financial settlement.


Consent Order £259

This legally binding agreement defines how assets (e.g. properties and pensions) are to be divided.


Court Support £250

Support for people who have to go to court to get a fair divorce financial settlement without a solicitor.