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i need a final kick in the a***

  • Crumpled
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05 Jun 12 #335157 by Crumpled
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Dear all thankyou so much for your wise and inciteful replies....i think the real problem i have when i analyse the situation is the fact he keeps coming back at the weekend and carrying on to some extent like nothing is happening...apart from the fact his phone is glued to him and he is constantly sneaking around with it ...it is so obvious it is pathetic...
i need some distance but he wont give that to me i think in truth this is why i am procratinating i dont trust him at all and i think really that says it all.....
i very much like the part from nota about having had the best of him....that is so true!!lets see how much his bar girl loves him in two years (average life span for his job is 54 before he faces enforced retirement!!)when he doesnt have the big salary anymore!!!

  • afonleas
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05 Jun 12 #335167 by afonleas
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The majority of the posts above tell
the same old story the one of betrayel.
like some of you i took the pr--k back when he been dipping his wick elsewhere,thought
with a bit of help we would get over it but unfortunatly for him he could not.
I say unfortunatly for him as he decided he no longer wanted to be with me,we tried this 4 times mind,but he wanted to be in the boggy marshy ground not the green green grass of home,we had everything together but was not enough for himhe wanted more.
Fortunatly for me i am now stronger and although i hurt and at times afraid i know i do not want this person in my life my thought process regarding my ex is he has had a lobotomy and no-one asked me to sign the consent forms,that is how much he has changed together for 31 years and now a complete stranger.

Like others i now can hold my head high and smile i have my girls respect and more importantly my own self respect i can look anyone in the eye and say i honestly tried but the pr--k did not,both him and his sl-g
are welcome to each other and the hell they call life but his choice,and as some of you know i found out yesterday my first grandchild on the way but my daughter does not even want him to know,very sad!!!!

Only you know how to proceed noone can tell you everyone is differant but whatever you decide do it with respect and dignity to yourself.

Take care thinking of you
luv and cwtches...............afon

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05 Jun 12 #335183 by Nota
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You say he won''t give you space! But he only comes at the weekend? Why...what''s that all about?

So use that time wisely. If he''s only there for a couple of days, try and do something outside of the house while he''s there, limit the time spent with him. If he''s only doing it to think you still need him, show him you don''t.

I think your lucky, we lived together for just short of 2yrs after I caught them together.


Ok, look at it another way......PIMP your own life, divorce, future...whatever. Don''t let the barsteward PIMP yours anymore
;)

  • hur
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05 Jun 12 #335199 by hur
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First, a big hug

I think you, like me, have lost your way in life.
My boss at work gave me the kick up the a** you are asking for now.

So brace yourself...
1. you deserve better
2. if you saw all this happening to your friend, you know what you would tell her
3. get yourself strong, consider seeing a counsellor yourself (it''s not just for Americans)
4.try reading this book - A Woman in Your Own Right by Anne Dickson

I can kick harder :)if you need it

whatever you decide, I wish you all the best

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05 Jun 12 #335204 by afonleas
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:)Hur
Fantastic take on situation
short sharp and straight to the point
it seem you have quite a wise boss
not a lot to add to your post :)

  • redwine47
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05 Jun 12 #335208 by redwine47
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Lots going on in your mind. you need to step back and think clearly.

When ready... Cut out all the faff..... Its a difficult hard decision, but please go with ur gut instinct, trust your decision....

You know deep down wots best ! Don''t waste time wondering?

Good luck xx

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05 Jun 12 #335219 by sun flower
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Yes, Pixy is so right about the brain/emotion thing.

Here''s a way to think about it....put the envelope in the post....if proceedings need to be stopped - then they can be....but it gets the ball rolling if that is necessary. After all, is he still having affair?....and if so why is he coming home at week ends?....time for lots of decisions perhaps?

But Pixy is right (again) - you will know when the time is right. Something will snap in you and you will take action when you are ready. It''s ok......but false hope - I''d be wary of that one.

I am sorry this man is in such a mess - (mine had a sort of fit too just before he left funnily enough - he was having affair but denying it at time)...stress? Well these men are stressed because they are cheating. We gave them love and care (you still are) and he has chosen to cheat...maybe on some level they feel discomfort but not enough to address their own problems...the fact he won''t get counselling rather proves this.

It''s hard and harsh...but taking control when you are ready, may make you feel better.

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