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Am I a pushover or just too sensitive

  • julie321
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08 Jun 12 #335654 by julie321
Topic started by julie321
Once again I have been asked by one of my children to take them somewhere (to the place where they have secured a job and found a falt on leaving uni). It is my son I am so proud of him and was so looking forward to seeing his first home, it would mean me driving a 450 mile round trip over the weekend but no problem as he is my son.

However now dad has said I would like to see your flat and I will take you straight from graduation and mum is out of the picture once again. This has happened before and dad let him down and I had to step in. I have also lent him the deposit for his flat which I don''t mind either but dad offers nothing and seems to get all the benefit.

Also daughter applying for accomodation for her first year at uni and the website did not work properly and I offered to help but was geeted with a screaming fit. She also had just been out with dad on their one hour a week meetup. I do everything for my kids but they seem to have no respect for my feelings.

I just feel like paking up and leaving them to it, I have no other family so I could go anywhere and I would be out of everyones way. I feel like the fly in the ointment and if I wasn''t around they could all embrace his OW and be a family as they won''t see her at the moment.

Sorry to feel sorry for myself but as you can see I have no one else who seems to care.

  • stresseduk
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08 Jun 12 #335656 by stresseduk
Reply from stresseduk
You,re just being a good mum. Its what we do for our kids. (hugs)take care

  • Gloriasurvive
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08 Jun 12 #335660 by Gloriasurvive
Reply from Gloriasurvive
Julie I know exactly how you feel. But we are the children''s ROCK. Parenting can be a thankless task as far as children are concerned but the joy and pride we get from seeing them achieve, problem solve and just be them is our reward.
If you feel strongly about the going with your son...don''t be a push over...tell them, tell your son you want to take him. You have been looking forward to taking him, it is important to you. It is also a lesson your son can learn, stick to his original plan, which was you!
And it is important to you!
You must remember these are times you won''t get back. I would demand to be present delivering my son to his first house! It is a milestone in his life.
Come on Julie, toughen up! If you want to go go!
In my opinion most, not all, mums do the harder work, wipe up the tears, sort the laundry, school runs, parents evenings, juggling after school activities with the supermarket shop and pack lunches.....
You do it for love and you are so selfLESS.
The dad just get the easy bits ( no offence proper lovely dads!), but my X just dipped in and out with things he wanted to do. Never went out his way to do things of inconvenience to him.
Yours may be different? But please, please do what you want to do FOR ONCE!
GS xx

  • NoWhereToTurnl
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08 Jun 12 #335665 by NoWhereToTurnl
Reply from NoWhereToTurnl
Oh Julie how I know what your feeling at the moment but be assured its just a blip and will pass.

Its very difficult when you are the parent who bares the brunt of the problems whilst the ex and ow get off scot free. My ex and ow live the life of Riley, not even aware or involved when my daughter was involved in a serious road traffic accident in March.

Since our divorce I have been the one she turns to when she has a problem and the one she turns on when things go wrong! I even flew half was across the world in response to an emergency when he didn''t bother to drive 250 miles to be by her bedside.

Stick in there, it will get easier, make sure you look after yourself and take some time out to re-charge your batteries.

Stay strong, they love you, they need you but they are our kids and think we are invincible so take us for granted at times.

Sending you love and big hugs xxx

  • julie321
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08 Jun 12 #335666 by julie321
Reply from julie321

Thankyou but I cannot go if dad is there. He wil be at graduation but I will be able to avoid him but if he is going to son''s new flat I won''t be able to.

We do not have contact anymore as OW wanted me away from him although I tried to stay amicable for kis sake but her opinion was put first and now the whole family have nothing to do with me.

I don''t care about that as they are untrustworthy and I don''t need them in my lfe but I can''t stand how things are at the moment and beleive I would be better off on my own.

  • julie321
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08 Jun 12 #335670 by julie321
Reply from julie321
My son has just had a real go at me, I am heartbroken, He says I should apologise to him because I am upset about him changing the plans. It is no big deal he says and I should be sorry for being upset and I have not dealt with his dad leaving and this is all my fault.

I wish I was no longer around, I have not other family and now my kids are against me.

  • fairylandtime
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08 Jun 12 #335671 by fairylandtime
Reply from fairylandtime
Hi julie123

Know how you feel, it seems to me (cynical & apologise in advance) but .... If your x is like mine, he only appears to pop up when there is some glory a first ime event etc etc.

Often letting them down, but at the same time they defend him to the hilt & I (feel) sometimes I just take the crap that is left in life.

Rant over

Let dad do the flat bit, organise a vist after where you can go & see flat etc on your own terms & have a nice day then. Anyways depending on what pops up your x may let son down yet & you will have to step in like we do on a regular basis.


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