Help, my single parenting skills leave a lot to be desired!
When the dad was around he paid little or no attention to my daughter and was more attentive to my younger son. I, unfortunately over compensated and did spoil her.
Rod for own back....more like a tree trunk!
She is rude and back chats me does little or nothing round the house etc she is 15.
Anyway I have been trying to get tough and create some discipline. My son,11, says he sees her talking rudely to me but still I run after her.
Anyway today I told her the consequence of her rudeness was I''d take away her phone. Which I did.
She said she didn''t care and I was pathetic.
I took away the laptop.
She then told me to p----off.
I took away the Mac. Now she is really having a go at me.
She asked me how to get them back and I said when she shows me some respect.
She said she is going to stay out all night tomorrow.
She has caused me to come to my room and seek sanctuary.
I really don''t know how to defuse the situation.
She is so disrespectful. I know she is angry too. But how do you deal with these wayward teenagers?
I''m so stressed and feel like giving up!
Once my daughter got to about 14-15 I started getting the bad language stuff, which totally shocked me as I had been brought up reading Enid Blyton lol.
Kids these days are something else.
(Christ I can''t believe I''m saying what MY parents said!)
Yet she''s an intelligent, well educated girl with college qualifications.
Gloria, just try to co-operate and ride with it.
They are not stupid, but resent your old school approach to their lives.
Don''t do it.
Start swearing back to them, use their street language back to them and just laugh and just enjoy them.
If its bad it''s "Gay".
If it''s really great, then it''s "Sick".
Then there''s the world of Emos and Greebs and Goths and tattoos and piercings and covering the bathroom floor in orange or red hair dye and leaving it for you to clean up. 15 empty cups full of fungus and dead flies up in their room and take-away bags and cartons and empty Coke bottles shoved under the bed etc etc.
Have you family or friends that could talk to her to help her realise she is out of order? When my daughter felt she could speak to me like that I called for help. It helped my daughter to see that I wasn''t the only one that felt this was wrong.
In the meantime stay strong and keep all electronics away from her. It is hard to organise a social life without them. Teenagers and their gadgets don''t like being parted. It is teaching her that there will be consequences. Also, whatever she is planning tomorrow night is cancelled after a threat like that. She needs to remember that you are the parent and you have earned and deserve to be treated with respect. It takes time but it is possible to get the balance back.
2 teenage boys - enough said!!! I know exactly how you feel & it''s hard work.
For one I have the discussion time & can tell him / talk to him, good but not always good am trying to get them to do their own ironing at the moment, an uphill struggle as its only a me who gets bugged when the pile of ironing has been there all week & there is an iron as you go policy
The other one doesn''t talk much, which is more difficult - you have to time it right in terms of (non blow up moments) moods like switching a light on & off.
I try & put them in my situation - would it be fair if you had to do .... Or do you think it''s right that you should talk to me like that. Often works but depends on the mood. Have tried to do the "on strike" for cleaning typing up after etc but they have one up on me - drives me nuts & I usually cave 1st.
A learning curve but onward & upward LW it is horrid when you hear yourself repeating what your own parents said to you
Appreciate how hard it must be for you,
Thankfully my daughters were really no trouble when they were teenagers but their father was around then.
Seperated for 7 mths now though,and my eldest 29 thinks that she''s the mam and i''m the daughter okay in the beginning it was nice for someone to take control cos i was an emotional wreck, but hey mam is stronger now and needs to take control of her life,
but daughter still very reluctant in letting her so now we tend to have lots of petty squabbles and really they are petty,but i want my life back and if i make a cock up of it, so be it but none the less it''s my life!!!
I agree with you taking away the electrical items,and i''m sure that you have tried to sit down and talk to her but maybe it is something you will keep having to do,teenage years are very difficult and when the family is split even harder maybe you are getting the bad behaviour and dad getting the good,[ mam is still there she never going to leave i can make her pay for how i feel]
I really would try to talk to her in an adult manner and explain that things are hard enough without you all at loggerheads with each other and hopefully one day soon she will realise what a wonderful human being she has for a mam!!!
I invariably have the ex harridan phoning me about how badly behaved the kids are.
She pulls the same stunts you have with your daughter.
She does this woman thing of I''m confiscating your mobile,laptop,x box because I''m putting my foot down and you will respect me and I will control you.
It''s not very well thought out.At the end of the day the I''m in charge so I can punish you just doesn''t work with a teenager.It just ends in entrenched positions.
What would you do if someomne said you will respect me and because I don''t think you have I''m taking your laptop away.
You''d tell em to Feck off.
I find teenagers amazing actually.You just need to realise you''re there as the backstop to guide them if you try and control them it doesn''t work.
All the best