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When will i start to feel better?

  • wammcl
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19 Jun 12 #337582 by wammcl
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I''m crying all the time and feel absolutely devastated. All my friends and family say it will get better and I''ll have a lovely new life and meet someone who truly appreciates and loves me but I''m finding it so hard to cope day to day. I feel like such a bad person as he blames me for this. Please someone say something to give me hope that my life is not over....

  • pixy
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19 Jun 12 #337586 by pixy
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Of course it isn''t over, it just feels like it at the moment because you are in total shock.

It does get better but it takes a long time. It''s actually harder to deal with than bereavement because all your memories are tainted. Everyone here talks of baby steps and that''s a good description - tiny, tiny steps forward, so tiny you will scarcely notice them until suddenly you realise just how far you have come.

Unless your friends and family have been through it they will not understand the depths of your devastation. Your new wiki friends will understand and we are all here to support you through this awfulness.

He blames you? Read through some of the posts on here and you will soon see that there is a sort of template for how it goes. It starts with blame (how could anyone blame themselves, it must be someone else''s fault or they wouldn''t be able to live with the guilt). In a few months'' time it will morph into ''we should be friends''. Don''t listen to any of it because it isn''t true.

Look after yourself - try to get some sleep and if it is difficult to eat try soups and yogourt.

((()))

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19 Jun 12 #337593 by Lostboy67
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Hi,
Well it does get better, but everyone is different, and the healing can take differents amount of time for each of us. It also depends a lot on what your s2bx is doing, blaming you donesn''t help.

Have you concidered councilling, if you have been feeling bad for more than a few weeks it might be worth thinking about.

LB

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19 Jun 12 #337599 by jslgb
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I remember being told by one of my tutors who had gone through a similar situation that her dad had told her that in 2 years time she would have forgotten all about it, and this is what she said to me. I remember thinking at the time OMG 2 WHOLE FRIGGIN YEARS?!?!?

Not to mention the fact that she hadnt married her partner or had kids so i was expecting it to drag on a lot longer for me!

Truth is, 18 months have flown by so fast and i''m feeling pretty darn good! Yes i miss my marriage, but only from the relationship side, the hugging, kissing, having someone to share things with. I dont miss my stbxh at all.

My advice would be to take it one day at a time. You''ll be surprised how quickly time will fly and you have found an amazing support network! I only stumbled upon this website a month ago, i cant imagine how much it would have helped 18 months ago!

We all posses a strength we dont realise we have until we need it. Now is the time to find yours and you will get there.

All the best x

  • Marshy_
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19 Jun 12 #337600 by Marshy_
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Trust me. Its not over. Look around you. There are loads of people here that have said the same things as you. I even said them once. What I didnt know then and you dont know yet is that life will be a lot better for you. But there is some pain to go thru. Have a read thru the site and look back at the posts from when they 1st joined? You will see a journey as things start to improve and eventualy, they walk out into the sunshine and its all behind them. Just like you will do one day.

Lastly, when all seems to be lost. There is always hope that things will get better. And as I said, they will. But hang onto hope. As that is the one thing that gets us thru. Keep the faith with hope. Chin up chuck. C.

  • wammcl
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19 Jun 12 #337606 by wammcl
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Thank you all so much. Just knowing that there are people out there, who I may not know, can understand my feelings. I have to listen to you all and believe what you''re saying to give me strength. I have 3 lovely teenage kids, who are fed up of my crying and misery. They of course still love their dad but it''s hard to accept when all I want is for us to be a family again - although my feelings for him are not the same. After 20 years of mainly good and happy times, and he does this - how can I still love him? I''ll keep checking in here and if I don''t get on your nerves too much with my misery, I can continue to get some words of comfort and support. Thank you again. If I can go more than 2 days without crying, that''s progress, right?

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19 Jun 12 #337611 by wammcl
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I have had one session through the counselling at work - she suggested I read Patricia Evans'' book about verbal abusers in relationships and that has rung so true for me. Hopefully I''ll have another session soon - they are very busy at the moment - must be the society we now live in - so much stress and pressure on everyone to strive and survive.

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