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How do you REALLY accept its over?

  • JessieJ
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18 Jul 08 #33779 by JessieJ
Topic started by JessieJ
Ok heres the thing .... I know he says he doesnt love me anymore and I know that he's been gone for 9 weeks but ... I keep waking up thinking I've dreamt it.

When you have been with someone for over half of your life (22 years) how do you really accept it over .... finished for good.

I know I need to move on and I'm trying but somedays are better than others. Today I feel really lonely just knowing he wont be phoning or coming home.

I have two kids who are refusing to see him and because of the finances, I cant do the things with them this summer that I normally would have. I'm dreading the thought of how I'm going to cope with childcare over the summer break. I have no family and although my friends are being great. Its so hard.

I miss being part of a couple, not having an adult to talk to when I come home, no-one to discuss my day with and no-one to plan things with.

During the week, its not so bad, you are busy with work, family etc ....but the weekends seem endless!!!

How DO you accept its over and really move on?????

  • c.dominic
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18 Jul 08 #33788 by c.dominic
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I dont think you do to be completely honest.... i just think one day when its right time "OVER" accepts it for you and you know when that day is coz u wake up feeling happy and refreshed... and suddenly when the day is nearing an end you suddenly realise your first waking thoought ... and severeal more throghout the day werent of your ex.. your break up or whatever else dominates your thoughts.....

It will come and in the equation of 22yrs to 9weeks.... just wait a while longer eh!!

Good Luck!!

  • Matt/24/7
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18 Jul 08 #33790 by Matt/24/7
Reply from Matt/24/7
I know exactly how you feel Jess. its only been about 4 weeks since my lovely wife told me she did'nt love me anymore and exactly 3 weeks since i moved out. True, there are good days and then there are the black ones, which seem to outweigh the good ones by about 10/1 at the moment, but thanks to the great support network on here im assured it will get better with time.

If you are anything like me, and would do anything to have the familly back together, acceptance and moving on seems all the more impossible, but these are the cards we've been dealt and now we gotta play them as best we can.

The truth is, no-one, not one of us can predict whats gonna happen in the future. I myself would like to think that one day my wife {probably my ex wife by then} will see the changes i have made to my lifestyle and maybe even see a little glimmer of the man she fell in love with......... Then again, she might not.

I guess what im trying to say is, just take things one day at a time. It is gonna hurt, and it is gonna be hard but with a little effort im possitive that you, myself and all the others on here will make it through the other side of this horrible experience.

Take care of yourself, take each day as it comes, and keep looking forward.

Kind regards
M x

  • linda.c
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18 Jul 08 #33793 by linda.c
Reply from linda.c
Jessie J

You are not alone - it is natural to feel like this at the weekends when you are no longer sharing them with the person who has been in your life for so long. I am sure many people here can identify when I say at the moment I now look forward to Sunday evening (because I know I am going back to work next day, kids at school etc.) rather than Friday evening when I know I will have more time to feel the pain and think about stuff. I work in a school and have six long weeks off ahead of me and am dreading it but I am going to try and make plans each day so that it is a bit easier to cope with but I am not relishing the thought of it one bit. My children are 16 and 11 so although I need to be around for them they don't actually want to spend time with me which can make you feel even more lonely. Sometimes you just have to go with it - feel the pain and know that there will be better days to come.

Perhaps you could do something nice just for you this weekend - a small treat to make you feel good. Even if it's just a new lipstick or top or a home beauty treatment - anything to make you feel good about you - I think u deserve it!



  • mumov4
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18 Jul 08 #33797 by mumov4
Reply from mumov4
The thing is that in your heart like me in the same situation you never think it is all over> If you read my blog i am in the same situation as you but he has met and moved in with somebody with no problems after being married to me for 20 years and we had been together for 25 years. He moved in with this woman only ten days of meeting her and that does hurt considering the things i sacrificed for him. Now i have lost everything and he has met someone with money and a great job, house and car and he is laughing all the way to the bank literally and left me to live on income support. The trick is don't get mad get even. I have been where you are now and believe me it doesn't help feeling sorry for yourself. I've got my children to think of and they are the ones that have kept me going through all this. I am in the process of moving away from where i am now to a better place away from the area that he is blatently shacking up with this woman to make a new start on my own and i can't wait. I know it is hard and believe me i know i have seen to councillors and i keep saying to my self for the children you must move forward. Anyway good luck and like me you must take everyday as it comes and keep thinking that you are better than this. Good luck xxxxxx

  • judes
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18 Jul 08 #33799 by judes
Reply from judes
Hi Jessie J
I know exactly how you feel, the weekends do sometimes feel endless,though for me my whole week feels like that.
Whereas it was me that ended our relationship of some 18 years, lots of issues going on, it all just feels so lonely sometimes. I have been on my own for 5 weeks now, and sometimes think well, I will have him back, and then again think how peaceful my life is now.

My son as 12 so off doing his own thing and I sometimes just want/need some adult conversation.

It doesn't help that my dad recently died(2 weeks ago) so am going through the grieving process for him, we were very close, and due to medical problems have lost a lot of my eyesight so am very restricted in what and how I can do things, cant even get into the car for a drive.

However, as others have said I take one day at a time and I know it will get better it just takes time.

  • homeland
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18 Jul 08 #33816 by homeland
Reply from homeland
It's all part of the healing process... No one can tell you what the best thing to do is. But I spent to long beating myself up over the smallest things and forgot what was the most important thing. My Daughter and me! Until I could turn around and let go, forgive I couldn't move on. It's still early for you but it will get better, it will take time.
Summer Hols my god a nighmare, plenty of things to do with your kids that shouldn't cost a mountain of cash. They will proberly enjoy just spending time with you at the parks with picnics. Hope it all works out for you, Stay Strong and whatever you do never blame yourself!

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