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is this siege/captive syndrome?

  • topaz
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18 Jul 08 #33821 by topaz
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we are both living in an unbelieavably stressful situation .we feel under threat continuously Any ideas anyone?

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18 Jul 08 #33829 by joy
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Hi Topaz

Gosh, I think you have explained things, rushing into kitchen and rushing upstairs, and when you sit down to eat, it is still with that same feeling of hurrying, ANY pressure is difficult at the best of times, Can you not eat with your daughter to feel more relaxed? maybe this will help. Or maybe eat your main meal when he is at work, and snack when he is there? Very difficult, and i feel for you, I have asked you for advise and here you are unable to eat in peace! I think it would be a good idea for you and your daughter to have your meals together though. Try and relax, maybe if the rotten weather bucks up, try getting out to eat, Garden maybe? Then again if you are under threat, you probably feel the need to get out of sight, Just take care for now, it will probably pass.

Joy xx

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18 Jul 08 #33832 by topaz
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thanks Joy I think you're probably right.We'll eat at a different time of the day when possible( although x turns up at any time of the day now) and make sure we're eating together in one room from now on and see what happens.heart burn I can easily do without.

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19 Jul 08 #33857 by Matt/24/7
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Crikey Topaz.............. And i thought i was an A**hole. Eating in your bedroom cos its safe??? When my wife asked me to leave, i had the common sense and the respect for her to just pack and go...... Ok, so i've left the marriage with nuffing but the clothes on my back, but i could'nt handle being in the house when it was painfully obvious i was'nt wanted anymore, kinda made sense for me to jus leave. Has'nt he got anywhere else to go?......... And if he says he cant afford it, thats b/s. I'm managing to pay rent and ameanities as well as giving her the agreed sum each month for our son, and im on minimum wage. If he's sticking around purely to look after his own interests, gimmie a pm, i'll send the boys round lol.

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19 Jul 08 #33869 by topaz
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Hi Matt/24/7,
thanks for your comments..this is the mildest part of the situation,there's been and is much worse going on but too recognisable to write down.yes he could easily afford to leave as his income is double mine and I do pay half of all utilities,services bills.tv.internet etc etc. monthly as was demanded and agreed.he said he'd make me pay and fight dirty to the end and this is his way of doing it.
I'm sorry you were made to feel unwanted and compelled to leave.Our decision to divorce was agreed between us at the beginning,it all went sour when x realized he'd have less money to spend on himself and his somewhat luxurious lifestyle after the divorce and that I was entitled to half of everything as 50/50 split after 34 years married.He had said I'd get nothing..it was all his.
.X for whatever reason in his warped mind decided to make me pay (as promised) and make my life as unbearable as possible.It's like his brain just flipped into overdrive and he'll do whatever it takes.He threatened me in the past that if I divorced him he'd fight dirty so I abandoned it then.this was my third and final chance to get away for good.I'm nearly there!
.You left your child as well,which is really tough on you and your child, at least when you come through your divorce you'll know that you did what you considered was right for you all, you never lowered yourself to the depths of exacting revenge on your partner no matter how much you were hurting inside.you are one of the "good decent" members of society who will still put others welfare before your own.I dont think you should be feeling like an "A**hole at all, so don't label yourself as such.you sound like a good person and I hope it all works out for you.your support and comments mean a lot so thanks.

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19 Jul 08 #33871 by Matt/24/7
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Anytime hun..........lol, and just cos i aint had revenge, dont mean i have'nt thought about it. But thinkin about its all i'll do cos i still love her, and i love my son. You need support, look no further.

M x

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