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ex wife''s treatment of new partner

  • jellybean78
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22 Jun 12 #338355 by jellybean78
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Hi all

Just wondering how most guys handle the ex wife when it comes to the new partner.

To be honest, I left the ex for this partner, it was a miserable marriage and even though she knew I was deeply unhappy she always said I would never leave as we had many material possessions together...but then I found someone and did.

Its been almost 5 years, we aren''t divorced yet, as she won''t cooperate and I have to wait for 5 years without her consent.

She is always slandering my new partner in public , amongst many other things,(and we live in the same small town) ...

Does it ever stop?

Any time she stops access, she blames my partner and says she doesn''t want her around our child...yet she has a new partner and goes on holidays taking our child along, I don''t even get over night stays, holidays, or even contact on birthdays or christmas...I can''t afford to take it to court.
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  • Marshy_
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22 Jun 12 #338361 by Marshy_
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Hi JellyBean

jellybean78 wrote:

Does it ever stop?


Yes it does stop. My ex said she would hound me for all my days. That came to precisely nothing.

I would divorce her as soon as you can. Then that will end things.

But she has no right to harass you or your partner. In the 1st instance, I would go down the cop shop and make an appointment to see the PCSO. Explain what has happened when you have the meeting. The police will issue her with an anti harassment order which she has to sign. If she breaks this order, she will be arrested. Give this a try 1st. As its free and very effective. C.
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  • jslgb
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22 Jun 12 #338363 by jslgb
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I know i''m not a man but i am an ex-wife!!

I have nothing to do with my ex husbands new partner, and i have been less than complimentary about her. The OW is someone i considered a friend, had had a duty of care over my young child for a long period and came to my wedding. She was more than aware that my stbxh was married and had children, particularly as she knew our child very well. Apparently she started out by telling my stbxh to ''make it work'' with me as we had only been married less than a year. She quickly began to demand he choose between me and her.

In my opinion, although my ex was very very wrong, she was worse. Society often portrays men as ''the adulterer'' and it is quite widely accepted. I cannot understand, nor forgive a woman who interferes with a married man. Especially if they are known to his family. What makes my situation harder to swallow is that this woman had gone through the same thing i''m now going through with her own ex husband. I never have or had any intentions of cheating with a married man, and my experiences have only made my morals around this stronger. As silly as it sounds, due to the relationship this woman had with my child i almost feel more betrayed by her than by him.

I know this doesnt help much or give you any advice. I personally dont stop contact n he basis of the OW as i trust her to look after my child better than i do my stbxh. I wont ever have a relationship with her, allow her into my home or my daughters life with me, involve her in special occasions or expect to come face to face with her though.

I guess, in a nutshell, you destroyed your family for this woman, what else do you expect?? Yes its wrong, and yes it shouldnt happen or be accepted but i imagine it will eventually tail off and she will move on.
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  • jellybean78
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22 Jun 12 #338365 by jellybean78
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i can''t accept why the OW is always made out to be the bad one- after all it wasn''t my new partner that made the marriage vows to her.
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  • jslgb
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22 Jun 12 #338366 by jslgb
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I think it depends on the circumstances tbh. The way i feel about my stbxh''s OW is because of who she was to me and my daughter.

When i met my stbxh he had been split up from his first wife for a few months so i had nothing to do with their divorce, yet i was viewed as ''the OW'' for the whole 7 years we were together!
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  • sun flower
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22 Jun 12 #338385 by sun flower
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I couldn''t agree with jslgb more.

You may have damaged you ex and children by cheating with someone who is prepared to sleep with a married man - so hard to know who is more to blame.

If a marriage is miserable - work together to address why - or end it without introducing a third cheating party.

I''m afraid you have largely bought this on yourself.....and now you are bleating because it is not how you thought it would be.

Children are not chattels to be passed around any adults prepared to jump into bed with their parent and then have to be forced to accept those people. They are young confused people who have also had lies pedalled to them and have also been cheated upon by the person they should have been able to trust most. Further, they then have to deal with their Mother coping with her grief while trying to do her best for the children while Daddy is off enjoying his new woman.

I am sure this will not be a popular answer.
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  • jellybean78
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22 Jun 12 #338387 by jellybean78
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I never slept with my new partner until after i had left my wife.

I did not leave lightly, it''s not like i had an affair and just walked out- I had actually told my wife that I was leaving and we were in separate bedrooms until my rental came through.
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