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ex wife''s treatment of new partner

  • jslgb
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22 Jun 12 #338404 by jslgb
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I cant say i was glad, but it did finally feel like everything made sense.

I think the key to your experience Mathis is that you have moved on and found someone new and are much stronger. It would appear that op''s ex-wife hasnt reached this point yet.
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  • mumtoboys
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22 Jun 12 #338406 by mumtoboys
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I think we''re missing the point that it''s been nearly 5 years and this kind of behaviour really isn''t acceptable, regardless of the circumstances is it? I have as much reason as any to hate the ex''s girlfriend (the last one, not the current one - jury''s out on her!) for her involvement with my ex and subsequent meddling in our divorce and poor behaviour towards our children. But not once did I give her the satisfaction of an audience, not once have I threatened her (out loud!) or done anything that could be considered threatening or intimidating or distressing for her. I have her phone number, I know her address and her e-mail address (ex did his best to hide them but where there''s a will..!).

I agree if you play with fire, you have to accept the consequences but there''s also such a thing as dignity and self respect...and that little thing called ''moving on''?
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  • jellybean78
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22 Jun 12 #338408 by jellybean78
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Theres a lot of different view points on here and I am grateful for all of them.

Yes, it has been 5 years since this all happened and yes I was the one who did wrong.

However, she replaced me with another man within 2 months of me leaving and has been with him for all this time.

My new partner finds things difficult, as she had her ex cheat on her (numerous amount of times) yet she does not restrict contact with their child, and allows the father to swap times, communicates, negotiates with the childs interests first, and even includes her ex-husbands girlfriend in the plans as she knows that one day, she will be her childs step mum.
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  • Marshy_
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22 Jun 12 #338416 by Marshy_
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I can understand the hostility towards the OP. But, despite what he did, he shouldnt be treated this way. My ex cheated on me with a family friend. At no time did I ever assult her (or him) in the street. Thats not right. And this is what JB is refering to. Sure, she will probably think that the OW cuased the breakup. But she is wrong. He met her after he left and when the OP was living with his wife, they were not a couple as they didnt have any kind of married life together.

Its easy to judge others as them being the same as the person that did this to us. But no two stories or breakups are the same. I understand the anger. I really do. I was angry once. Now I am not. And I try not to judge others. Sorry to be so harsh on those that have been cheated on. I dont like to. But in this case, its not what you think it is. C.
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  • sun flower
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22 Jun 12 #338442 by sun flower
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Fair comment Marshy
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  • FizzyFish
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22 Jun 12 #338445 by FizzyFish
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scaryspice wrote:

Are all men so naive to think the OW will ever be accepted ,either by the ex or older kids who can see what has happened .
Do they really think it will all be happy ever after with no hassle ?
Dream on ....


Amen Sister!

Sorry, OP, honestly, but having had my stbx describe our sincerely great marriage as him being "miserable for years", I can''t read your original post without gritting my teeth. However.

For you, it was an unhappy marriage and you moved on. Your wife has also moved on although perhaps she didn''t see the marriage as being unhappy. But it''s a sad fact of life that people like to feel better - superior to - others - be it race, religion or gender. And you have presented another woman to your ex wife as being someone you prefer to be with - so she feels the need to belittle and humiliate her. Your ex will get over it eventually. She feels the need to make this part of her life still, she''s still very bitter about it. We only have your side of this, of course ... and as someone whose husband has/is doing something very similar I can''t find it in my heart so say "Oh dear, poor you" ....
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  • jslgb
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22 Jun 12 #338447 by jslgb
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I know some people have different views on this and some posts are perceived as harsh, but FizzyFish has summed it up perfectly!!

Its easy for the adulterer to say ''i wasnt happy'' in hindsight. Its probably a well worn phrase. My stbx has used it plenty of times. Yet all his actions said otherwise and he frequently declared to the world how much he loved me. Why not call a spade a spade, you met someone else and did the dirty!!

Each side has their own views and like fizzy said we only have one. Yes its been 5 years and yes she may be in another relationship but when the rug is pulled from underneath you do you ever heal?? Like I said before, the exes behaviour is NOT RIGHT and NOT EXCUSABLE but for those of us who have suffered it, it can be understandable.
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