Jellybean, I feel that this has gone a little off track and you are having a tough time here from others. Why are you not having over night contact with your child. How old is she/he? You don''t need money to apply for a contact order.
Maybe wiki members can help you with this.
Contact should not be stopped regardless, with both you & your x having new partners what is right for one in tms of contact should also apply to the other.
Looks like this is something you would need to take to court tho for a contact order, if your ex is denying contact purley on the grounds of your partner whenever she feels. I think Fiona is the on who knows more on this (don''t know the process as mine see x whenever they want)
Having been the ''victin'' after a long marriage and without any warning or inclination him leaving overnight I have to admit empathy is hard. However one thing I ask is that the children involved maintain a father who demonstrates without question that he cares, this has to be the priority right now.
The OW thing, well it''s hard for many of us to reply to you without a certain amount of vitriol. For me it doesn''t matter a jot when the physical started, its about when you started talking to her about your emotions rather than talking to your wife, for me that''s when the affair started. Maybe your ex has still not come to terms with that, it does take ''forever''.
Don''t ever give up on trying to be the best you can for your children, mine were just about adults when it happened and believe you me his lack of care has a devastating effect.
If you are absolutely sure this is what you want then stay strong but try and have some feeling for the devastation you have left behind. It will be there for a long time yet but just maybe in the long run you may find it was the best for all.
PS; to Haway what can I promise you so that you''ll be with me instead?????
the ex doesn''t allow it as she doesn''t want to be away from her child...and contact orders have no repercussions if the ex doesn''t stick to it, so i settle for keeping the ex calm and just seeing my child during the day.
my child knows it is their mum who stop them from overnight contact- she is 8 years old...I have a room set up for her at my home, and she knows she is welcome, and that it isn''t me who is refusing it.
I also understand that many people slating me here on this thread have been hurt when their partners left them for other people- but they weren''t in my marriage, so i understand that they can''t really grasp the daily ins and outs of the situation- every situation is different, no two marriages are the same- and i''m not the ex that left them, even though they probably see similarities.
Out of all of this, I was just trying to scope for how long a time it would take for things to settle down, but I guess its all dependant on an individuals personality and characteristics.
But thanks, Poppy, your post (and a few earlier others) was a nice change in tone
Jellybean, I left my ex. Yes there are lots of regrets and hurt. It''s been 7 years now and although he is getting remarried this month, the hurt never leaves him. I think you need to focus on your daughter and try to have the best possible relationship you can.
You left a marriage in which (quoting you)you were miserable for years - describe as a prison sentence - five years ago. Your daughter is now six. You were sleeping apart from your wife at the time of leaving but actually left the marital home when you met this other woman who is such a great person she would embark on a relationship with a man with a 1-to-2 year old child.
And your wife, you say, is abusive to your new partner.
I have to say I think you''re pretty brave or horribly dim to come on to a forum where so many people, myself included, are trying to work through why we''ve ended up feeling like chumps after being in relationships with people that now appear to have no sense of moral standing.
I can understand how she feels .i hate my babies ( 10 and 14 year olds ) being taken away from me every other weekend .I didn''t ask for that in my life .i want to be with them .
But I would also never stop contact .
My kids are old enough to decide for themselves and they seem quite happy to see Him for the time being.
Your child will know nothing about what has gone on and I totally agree you should get access.
I assumed there would be huge repercussions if i stopped contact .
I feel it is up to my kids to decide because of their age .
Perhaps as your child gets older she will be able to dictate it more .but of course that is still a good few years away .