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ex wife''s treatment of new partner

  • jellybean78
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23 Jun 12 #338515 by jellybean78
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A divorce without consent takes 5 years waiting time- most people don''t put their lives on hold for that long, just because they don''t want to deal with an ex wife.

Some people are braver (or stupider, whatever you want) than that.
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  • scaryspice
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23 Jun 12 #338516 by scaryspice
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Any kids .Full stop.
Look at the destruction and heartbreak it causes for all concerned .
Stick it out and make it work.
Ideal world I know !!
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  • FizzyFish
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23 Jun 12 #338517 by FizzyFish
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Mate. You were living in the spare room at the marital home. You could have moved into a flat if you were serious about separating from your wife. You did it quick enough once your new lady appeared.

Enough! I''ve had a crap week with my stbx decorating my much loved family home in order to sell it - the family I once had, the home I once loved, gone because another bloke thought the grass was greener and it would be easier to skip off than talk to the woman he''d shared 27 years with. And the stupid woman he was obsessed with was gone within weeks of me discovering their messages. Tough week = no sympathy from me.
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  • jellybean78
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23 Jun 12 #338518 by jellybean78
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I didn''t want to live a fake life (which is what would have happened if i stayed)...and it isn''t a pleasant environment for children to grow up in when parents are bickering and at each other all the time.

Children can still have as rich an upbringing and full support from both bio parents, it just requires adult cooperation.

Just my opinion.
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  • scaryspice
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23 Jun 12 #338521 by scaryspice
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You expect cooperation now but didn''t try to cooperate when you were seeing OW.
Sorry ,no sympathy from me either .
Behave like adults ??
Cheating and having an affair - is that what adult behaviour is ?
Our poor children , what hope have they got ,if this is now the acceptable trend .
If you can''t deal with it ,run away !
If you were always bickering ,how come she was so hurt and upset by your leaving ?
Surely she would have agreed to you going ?
Keep digging jellybean .
Nothing can justify what you have done .
Whats done is done and yes it is important for you to have a relationship with your child ,but understand how your ex feels .
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  • jellybean78
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23 Jun 12 #338523 by jellybean78
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She agreed to me going if i paid her half my wages...when i said no, then she disagreed.

She liked money, not me.

Like someone wrote me in a private message, this is why we have he courts to help us out, when adults can''t agree, and the children then lose out.

I am TRYING to understand how my ex feels, hence me writing on here and getting slated repeatedly by those who have had their partners leave them.

And yes, i an HOPING for cooperation now- it has been 5 years.
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  • hawaythelads
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23 Jun 12 #338527 by hawaythelads
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Jellybean,

You are trying to understand how your ex feels.
Read the posts in reply.
What are they full of
feeling rejected
Feeling betrayed
Feeling cheated
Feeling the kids are abandoned.
Feeling that the leaver has put themselves first.
Resentment that although it''s the leavers choice to go they then have to give up living with the kids for a 1/3 of the year.
Feeling humiliated.

Put all them together it''s a powerful sentiment.
I personally categorise it as hatred.

Far from being slated you have had a truthful response to your question.It''s certainly heartfelt and genuine.

So if a group of anonymous strangers on an internet forum can give you so many impassioned responses and you and your partner haven''t actually done anything personally to them how much do you think that feeling will be magnified in your wife?

You left your wife with a very young child.
She was obviously extremely hurt by this.
She felt you abandoned her and a very young child for another woman.
You are still with the same woman so that hurt is compounded on a daily basis for your wife.
Your leaving her and the small child physically to set up home with the other woman.Has led to her stance of he left us so as I had to raise the kid I''ll be dictating access terms.
Yes that is a tool to also exact maximum punishment on you and your partner for hurting her.
Why does your wife do it because she hates both of you and were both complicit in abandoning her with a very young child to pursue your own life and love.
I know in your head you have the argument but I left her not my kid.But that as has been demonstrated by women who have been left who have posted is actually a bigger slap in the face.It adds insult to injury in fact that you have chosen to feck off with another woman but then want to still take the kid away every other weekend.
Also you have to realise that although there is a common set of themes that cause the hatred as listed all people are different.Some people can take all these feelings suck it up and still cooperate with the kid seeing the other parent.Some people can''t at all.
It seems your wife is actually at the half way house.
Ok she can accept you are Dad and that the kid has a right to know you.But she also is but not overnight stays with him and the woman he left US for.He can see the child of a daytime on his own.That''s as much as she can give voluntarily.
The mindset of your wife towards your new partner is she is a marriage wrecking wxxxx and your wife therefore believes irrefutably that your partner by her actions has defaulted any right to be anywhere near the child.
The heartfelt advice and sharing by people that you have been given on hear in one evening far from being unsupportive has actually given you the answer to your question.

HRH
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